Dead Old Thread of asiyla.

[Drakiyth]

INTRODUCTION SPEECH  (ROUGH DRAFT)

LINE 1:   Some believe that the universe holds an ultimate power that can be controlled. If this power was indeed
              manipulated, it could be used to shape another world or even destroy the fabric of time. Why would such
              power be given to a mortal man? I shall explain my story...

LINE 2:  My tale begins a long time ago, when I was relaxing on the docks near my boat house. I always enjoyed
             the peaceful sound of the ocean, and always chose it over the loud and obnoxious city streets.

LINE 3:   
             One night, while star gazing, I saw the clouds start transforming into what appeared to be a human face.
             Being totally amazed and interested in what was going to happen, I kept my eyes on the formations.
             Suddenly, there was a bright flash and a portal was revealed.

LINE 4:   Gigantic humanoid creatures started flooding into our planet from this portal in the sky. It was as if
              the gods of old had literally just showed themselves to the world. It was not long before they started to
              attack the city with magical energies.

LINE 5:   I had to escape this nightmare before I was killed! I jumped in the water and swam down to an opening
              that lead into the sewers. I used this opening as a kid and I was deadly afraid of world war III after
              what happened to the twin towers, so I prepared a bomb shelter.

LINE 6:   Down there I could hear the sounds of explosions and screaming from up above.  I could hear
                the sounds of the gods talking.  The roar of their voice could shatter the strongest wall.

LINE 7:   After a few hours everything seemed calm...  I made my way back up to see what the aftermath
                was like.  I saw the terror of New York city in ruins...  They had destroyed the entire city.. It was
                worst then if nuclear war happened.

LINE 8:   I could hardly breathe but I traveled around and looked for survivers of any kind.  I found nobody.

LINE 9:   Finally after several days without food or water I collapsed..  I was then visited by a being I had
                never seen before.. It was like a fairy from those movies...  The ones where it had a happy ending.
               
LINE 10:  It told me that it was against what the gods did and that it could give me power to revenge my
                 family and all who had been lost. 

LINE 11:  I agreed with the being since I had no other choice.  It told me it's name was Asiyla...

LINE 12:  The being entered my body and started to hover in the air.. With my new powers I felt like I could
                 reshape the world back to it's former state.

LINE 13:   But when I tried to make things the way they were it all started to vanish.. The fire and smoke
                  and destruction vanished into thin air and trees and caves and other things you would see
                  in a mystical fantasy world appeared through the power invested in me.

LINE 14:   I recreated a new world from the earth we once had.. I felt like a god but I wasn't.  I was a shell,
                  a mortal being used since I believe I was the last man on earth.

LINE 15:   I wanted to give the world the name of my mother who passed long ago.  I named it Azgayle.
                  Azgayle prospered and new life and creatures were born for many years and I watched over
                  it with my immortal power.

LINE 16:   Kingdoms and factions started forming and magics from unknown regions were born into the
                  world.  Many classes and occupations of wizardry and everything else that this new breed of
                  life could bring into my world it did.

LINE 17:   I got caught up in my own creations so much I forgot about the gods that destroyed the earth
                  I once remembered hundreds of years ago.  They forged the power of good and evil and cared
                  not for Azgayle or it's peace but to bring war amongst each other.

LINE 18:   The wars got very bad and the gods did not stop fighting. The only thing I could do was wait
                  and see what came of my wonderful creation that AsiylA had granted me.

LINE 19:   The gods have finally got to me.. My power is fading and a new being approaches.. I can't stop
                  this being, for it is to strong.. I didn't wish to see Azgayle destroyed, so with the last of my power, I spoke
                  to the gods and asked for peace.  I asked if they could settle their differences before the world
                  once again lay in ruins.

LINE 20:   The gods listened and agreed to stop the war but it was then simply to late.. The power vanished
                  from my body and on my last breath I saw it rise from me in a globe of grey and silver matter.

LINE 21:    It was Asiyla..  And the revenge she told me long ago was about to take place...  This being was
                   only known as one name.  It was the master of oblivion.. The Ultramancer.

LINE 22:    Even though the gods and their theistic ways are now threatened by a new enemy, they can't stop fighting
                with each other.  It now seems I know what Asiyla was afterall.  It was the balance of the world before good
                and evil ruined it.  What lies for the future of my gorgeous creation?  I will never know...

[DedlellyDeth]

That sounds good. The guy gets this power from Asiyla (BTW Don't do that double caps thing, it's kinda lame.) that lets him remake the world when great tragedy has fallen upon him. But the gods wished to have a world of good and evil and kill him, the force of neutrality escaping in the physical form of the Ultramancer.

[Rahl]

It sounds like a really good story. I hope to play a demo sometime soon.

[Drakiyth]

Thank you very much for the feedback.  I plan on getting some good pictures to fit the parts of the story and use a tanish/brown tome with page flips to tell the tale.  Something really classic and cool.  I will also be doing all the voice acting too.

[DedlellyDeth]

Thank you very much for the feedback.  I plan on getting some good pictures to fit the parts of the story and use a tanish/brown tome with page flips to tell the tale.  Something really classic and cool.  I will also be doing all the voice acting too.

Even the females? o.O

[fruckert]

If I'm to assume he's doing the voice acting like in Aftermath, then he's only voice acting the intro, so no females

[DedlellyDeth]

Oh, man, hearing the voice of Crappy Game Reviews... XD

[Drakiyth]

INTRODUCTION VIDEO EXAMPLE - NEED FEED BACK!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8PZVyvCWNo

[fruckert]

I'm not to fond of the first person aspect, your voice doesn't seem to match up with it
You might want to re-record, and edit a few bits of the intro speech, because some of the lines are not very well written
Example:
In Line 2: "It was as if the entire sky was forming into something else"
That line could be much better, it's awfully vague, and could use a bit more specification as to what the "something else" is
That's the only part of that line, but re-read the rest of the script and see if anything else sounds vague, or weak and try to make them "stronger"
Also, you might want to get a new Dark Scorpion Entertainment bump, and try to add in a logo or something

Things that I like:
The music
Backgrounds
Option to skip intro (personally I'd put it before the DSE bump, but play it no matter what you choose)

[DedlellyDeth]

It sounds like a sweet fairy tale from a Tay Zonday impersonator.

[Drakiyth]

I had a brain storm the other night after watching a lot of movies and opening up my imagination a bit.  Asiyla is undergoing a new storyline that will be much easier to understand and bring the armies of good and evil against each other in an epic tale.  More information about the game will be launched in the distant future.  I will be going over many things and since I got some free time I want to try and get some work done on this project.  I felt the other story and game play I had planned was a little to much. This game won't have keeps or other things I had planned but it will have a strong class system along with a compelling storyline that will include your party.  There won't be a main hero because the storyline does not call for one now. 

It will be like Final Fantasy 1 with a lot more class choices and an epic story line that will keep you on the end of your seat.  There won't be screens of pictures in the story, it will all be played out with charas and maps.  I want to make the game feel like the player is apart of it, instead of reading a book about the past.

New logo has been made for Dark Scorpion Entertainment as well.

[Fisherson]

It will be like Final Fantasy 1 with a lot more class choices and an epic story line that will keep you on the end of your seat. 
New logo has been made for Dark Scorpion Entertainment as well.

That's what I've been saying they should do for a long time.

[Drakiyth]

INTRODUCTION VIDEO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRUY_vMwemE




NEWS:

Blood Priest class has been removed because the mechanics were simply to similar to the vampire.  A new class has been added in it's place called the "Vile Chemist".  
This class is the potion master of the evil healers much like the alchemist for the good healers.  Vile Chemists specialize in making acid bombs and many things that cause corrosion and death.  They can also make potions to heal and aid their team.  These potions, just like the Alchemist can be used by anybody on the team.  However, I will limit some potions to these classes only for balance reasons.


Vile Chemist

The Vile Chemist is a twisted person who creates deadly bombs made of acid and corrosion. They aid their team with healing potions as well, but they are not as
forgiving as the Alchemist class on the good side.  Acid has the power to eat through armor and thus greatly strengthens his melee combat allies.

[Rahl]

A little conincedental, but it sounds good.