Untitled Project Script

[Ephiam]

Script for the beginning of my latest project in RPG Maker. Had fun doing this, so I thought I'd share and see what you people thought of it!


Basically, I'm just taking the cliche Hero-saves-princess-from-evil formula and spicing it up a tad bit. Has it been done before? Oh, DEFINITLY! But I just wanted something fun to do, so i picked this and went with it. The God of Darkness wishes to be revived, but will this unlikely duo be able to stop it from happening!? Read and see! But be warned, their chances are slinm.


Scene 1

Priest
My loyal followers...we gather here
on this marvelous evening to rejoyce
in the celebration of our lords revival!

Priest
Bear witness, my children! Look
and see as this wretched Witch is
offered to our beloved God!

Girl
No! S-stop! Stop it! Let go
of me! Vlad! I'll kick your sorry
***, Vlad!!!

Vlad
Hyeh he he...
Do not worry, my dear Sophie...
This is the meaning behind your

Vlad
existence. You were born merely
to be offered as a vassel to our
great lord above. Be happy that

Vlad
you have found your one true purpose
in life!

Sophie
What...? My purpose? Are you
completely bonkers!? I wasn't
BORN to be sacrificed to your

Sophie
shitty god! I was born to be a
damn princess!!! Now let me go!
Let me go! Let me go, let me go,
let me go!!!

Vlad
What...!? My, you've quite a mouth
on your, girl. I don't think that I
quite remember you being like this.

Sophie
Yeah, well situations change a
girl, dickhead!!! And if you do
I'll shove my foot so far up your

Sophie
old, wrinkly *** that it'll shove
all your innards out through your
mouth!

Vlad
Such...such insolence!!! Silence,
you fool! Never would I have dreamed
of hearing such words come from the

Vlad
mouth of a princess!

Sophie
I told you already! I-

Vlad
Silence!

Sophie
...? ...!?
!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vlad
I've heard enough of your vulgar
words, princess. I had given
you a chance to voice your

Vlad
prayers so that God may hear
them and take mercy on your
soul, but you have thrown that

Vlad
chance away! May your soul
burn in the depths of hell as
your body is taken and

Vlad
remodeled by our lord and savior!
Your soul may need to be offered
up, but it is not something we need

Vlad
to keep! The body of the Holy
One is good enough! Hyeh he
he! Now brace yourself for

Vlad
a pain unlike any you've ever
felt before!

Vlad
My children, call out to your
god! Call out to your savior!
Call to him, and he shall answer!

Vlad
Welcome him to his new home
among his loyal followers and
diciples! Pray with me!

Sophie
(I can't talk! I....gah!!! God damn
that stupid old man! I'll rip him
apart with my bear hands when

Sophie
I get out of this!!! I swear I will!
I don't need any protection from
"God" or anyone else! I'll get

Sophie
out myself!)

*Bombs explode*

Sophie
(Aye-aye-aye!!! What's going on!?)

Vlad
What...!? What is this!?

??
Yoooooo ho ho ho!!!
You should know better than to
treat a princess like that, you old

??
fart!

*Both guards by princess die. Princess is free.*

Vlad
Y-you! How DARE you!
Soldiers! Get him! Soldiers!!!

*Guards approach Reoh and he kills them*

??
You're going to need more than
that to take me down, old man!
It might help if they were a tad

??
stronger, too...but eh.

Vlad
Who are you? Who are you!?
You come here merely to mock
me, do you!? Answer me!

??
Ha ha ha! Well maybe if you gave
me some time then I might be
able to!

??
And don't worry, I didn't come
here to waste my time on a feeble
old guy like you! I came to get me

??
princess! Hya ha ha!

Sophie
(What! Him? Oh...oh god! No!
Kill me!!! Do it quickly! Kill me
now! Aiiieee!!!)

??
Whoah! What's going on with you!?

Vlad
What? Thr princess? You think that
I'll let you away with our sacrifice!?
Hye he he! And you dare to call ME

Vlad
insane!?

??
Wait...what? I don't remember calling
you that.

Vlad
G-g...gah!!! It doesn't matter!
You're going to die either way, so buzz
off you young hooligan!

Vlad
Witness the form our lord bestowed
upon me! Gaze in to its eyes and face
true fear!

*Battle against Vlad. After battle, all of his diciples vanish.*

??
Well, that was easy.

??
What the...!? What's with them?
Ahh...who cares! I've got myself a princess
to fondle!

??
Soo...my lady, how're you this evening?
A little tied up, I see? He he. Here, let
me just get that for you...

Sophie
Fondle! Fondle!? You said you wanted to
FONDLE me!? What the hell is wrong
with you!? Don't you have any decency!?

??
Oh! Whoah, whoah, whoah! Calm down
there, princess! I saved you! What was
I supposed to expect?

Sophie
Expect? If you had to expect anything
for saving me, then it'd be a kiss at
most! But I didn't need any saving, so

Sophie
take your sexual fantasies and shove
them where the sun doesn't shine!

??
Oh, god...! What have I done?
What do you mean you didn't need saving?
You clearly did! How else would you have

??
gotten out of the bind you were in!?

Sophie
I'd have found a way! I certainly didn't
need your help, I know that much!

??
Okay. Look, who cares! You're safe!
Who cares how you got there, you just
did! Can we just leave already!?

Sophie
Leave? To where? To some place
you've got hidden away in the woods?
not likely! Do you think I'm off my

Sophie
rocker!? Besides, I don't even know
who the hell you are! See! I knew it!
not even a single manner in you!

Sophie
You got your princess expectations a tad
too high there, buddy boy!

??
What? But aren't all princesses supposed
to be beautiful, kind, and...you know?

Sophie
Want to know what I know? I know that
you've read one too many fairy tales!
What you know of princesses come

Sophie
from stories made by some old freaks
that live alone in a forest somewhere!
We're all not the same carboard

Sophie
sex slave! Of course, leave it to a guy
to go and think about it like that!

??
Wow. You know, I don't know what to say
now. Uh...

Sophie
Your name. Well? How about a name.
That would be nice, you know. I don't
even know what to call you. "Idiot" doesn't

Sophie
really pass as a name in my book.

Reoh
The name's Reoh. Okay? Reoh! God
you're noisey. And annoying. Definitly
annoying, too.

*Smoke Magic is cast. Screen begins to fade black*

Reoh
What...? The hell is this!?

Sophie
My god, it...it smells!
I...I can't see...a thing...

Reoh
Princess...p-prin...cess...
Oh...hello...there...
S..of...t

*Both are brought back to Muzenghal Castle as prisoners. Sophie is stored away in a seperate cell than Reoh, who shares his with a cranky and crazy old man named Ridden. He writes fairy tales.*






Script for the beginning of my latest project in RPG Maker. had fun doing this, so I thought I'd share and see what you people thought of it!

[Valiere]

I couldn't stop reading it, so I think you've got a hook.

[Ephiam]

Hurrah! That's good, then! But I hope that you're both being serious. I've encountered so many sarcastic people who say the same things that it's made me a tad paranoid about the whole thing!

[Valiere]

I'm being serious.

[RockJohnAxe]

Not bad overall.  I can see it playing out in a RPG maker Setting so i think it works.  OVer-all i would give it a 8/10 for the Intro Text. A Bit stretched thin at some parts but then others you have very good stuff that really balance it to over-all Goodness.

For example "Want to know what I know? I know that
you've read one too many fairy tales!
What you know of princesses come
from stories made by some old freaks
that live alone in a forest somewhere!"

Made me laugh. I think its good and i can see the starting of Character Development. But ofcoarse its only a exert from the start of the game.

Keep up the work!

-Zer0

[Prpl_Mage]

The only thing that bugs me is when you switch message box. Sometimes it's done so it cuts the sentence short in the next one.
I've always seen it better to just to split the dialogue into parts.

[Ben]

Honestly, and i dont mean to be harsh here as i respect what youve done here
I thought it took itself a bit too seriously.. As soon as you brought in words like dickhead and ****, I found it lost some credibility. It was at that point that i started readiong only the first line of what each player was saying. Honestly, I know that is how REAL people talk, but for some reason it loses its realism at that point. Pairing that depth of vocabulary with the depths of say, a character that is apriest conducting a sacrifice, i all of a sudden dont want to pay attention th what hes saying.
 Its like...

RIGHT OFF THE BAT the guy is obviously sacrificing a girl to his god. IMMEDIATLY i know hes a zealot and crazy, and IMMEDIATLY I know she is some mistaken identity case, or "chosen one" scenario that I dont care what she, or he has to say. The depth of character is lost fairly early in the script.

I should be made to consider every aspect of a scenario like this, rather then the obvious one...after all, its the VERY beginning of the story.
You havent left much to the imagination at this point. You need to make things less black and white here, because any detail you give on the characers is just affirmating in the first couple lines of dialogue, rather then evenly distributed among the entire story.

So I skimmed ahead at that point wihtout reading nearly as attentively, and stumbles upong the words "sex slave" used in dialoge. This very scenario could work effectively, but not as a opening scene. I dont know if i am even making sense here....

Seriously though, I love that youve put the effort and backstory into this, its just that that first few minutes of scenario and dialoge pretty much left me not taking things nearly as seriously as the dialogue tried to make me think it was supposed to.

[Ephiam]

Ho? Why look at this, I managed to get in a couple 'o great comments while I was sleepin'! ha ha, That always happens.

But, uh....well, I guess I'll have to address you first, gemini! Why? Because you see, there is no possible way I know how to say what I'm about to say without sounding defensive! Ha ha. You see, I wasn't trying to make it serious at all! Kind of odd. I suppose the dialogue would lead someone to believe that it was sort of serious, but I never got the feeling of serious-serious when I read it.

This was actually my take at making the dialogue un-serious! That's why I used all of those words like "sex slave,"and made the princess an *** and such. You know, play off of the old princess-is-sweet-and-kind cliche. You probably don't see it around all that often anymore, though. =O

But you are right about it being black and white. I already have two projects I'm working on a serious story for, so I tried to....release with this one here.

But still! Thanks for the comment, and I'm glad you've taken the time to read it. I'll make sure to try and incoorperate some of the good stuff in to it, but I can't promise anything!  Ha ha. Or maybe I can... Well, I'll just see hwo things turn out!


And to RockJohnAxe: Yeah, I tend to stretch stuff thin alot of the time. I also tend to go off and ramble on about the most useless stuff. I'm trying to cut back on it, but it's hard!!! But anywhoo, thanks for the read! Glad you liked it. =)