Make a wish and have it horribly corrupted!

[fruckert]

Granted >_> (theworldisyouroyster). You are now the proud owner to what I think is the password to Pandemonium 2. All levels cheat.
Enjoy.

I wish that I was magicks.

[Tina Branford]

Granted, but it's a crappy deck.

I wish for a pirate ship. I wouldn't sail it, just put it in my yard to look cool.

[Musha]

Granted, but it's full of pirates who sneak into your room at night and murder you for your valuables.

I wish I could actually summon the monters and cast the spells on Magic: The Gathering cards.

[Roland_Deschain]

Granted, but you can't control the monsters and each time you summon or cast it takes away a little of your life.

I wish that everyone in the state of Kentucky would suddenly become 3 feet tall, grow handlebar mustaches, lose all other hair and their eyes, grow claws, and become blind mole people.

[Rahl]

Granted, but you suck. Luckely Im not on vacation in Europe right now and not in Kentucky anymore...

Wish for patience.

[fruckert]

Granted, but you are so patient that in a hostage situation, you are mistaken for cockey and get shot.

I wish my puppy would stop being catatonic.

[Musha]

Granted, now he's really horny.

I wish <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tinder_Box">The Tinder Box</a> would get a big budget movie adaptation.

[Roland_Deschain]

Granted, but it's The Tinder Box in name only and has very little to do with the actual plot, and because the entire budget went to hiring two of the actors, both of them play every character.

I wish the next person to make a wish would make a wish that is impossible NOT to corrupt in a horrifically violent fashion but it can't involve ME being injured/involved in said horrific violence.

[fruckert]

Granted, but while my wish doesn't horrifically maim you, this corruption does. Word betterz.
*internally decapitates*

I wish that I was dead.

[Musha]

Granted.  Her power is negation.  she cancels out the powers of everybody in the whole universe, including her own.

I wish smoking was healthy.

the entire budget went to hiring two of the actors, both of them play every character.

So, Robert Zemeckis was the director?

[WarxePB]

Granted, but the cigarette companies make so much money that they take over the world and rename every country Marlboro.

I wish that I got a million dollars in birthday money.

[Tina Branford]

Granted, but I steal it all.

I wish for a pet Cactuar.

[fruckert]

Granted, but it's not very social and 9999 Needles you every time it sees you.

I wish that narcolepsy wasn't so damned funny.

[Roland_Deschain]

Granted: It's funnier.

I wish my roommate would spontaneously combust while he's miles away from the apartment some day.

[Uberpwn_w00t]

Granted. He's like, the best dog ever. But he dies just after you get to know him.

I wish I had shoes with retractable stilts.