Chapter One+ (Comments and such appreciated)

[Ephiam]

Well, since I've now gone and finished Chapter 2, and have moved on to Chapter 3, I thought I would place this up here just for fun.

What is it, exatly? Just a chapter from the story I took off of the site about a Month ago. I didn't really have much then, and the basics were pretty much all that I had. So...I pulled it. But now I bring you the very first chapter out of three (well....two, actually.)

This story is essentially just for fun, and something my friend and I trade back-and-forth (he gives me his, and I give him mine) and we both read each others and give comments, etc. I like it alot, and (to me) it is very fun.

However, I can't be afraid of putting my ideas on to the internet, nor can I be afraid of what people will say. If I'm ever to truly write, I can't be discouraged by a few odd comments.

Thank you for the read, and I hope that you enjoy. =)






Chapter ONE: Question.

PAGE ONE ( four panels)

Panel 1. A small shot of the night sky. From this shot, it appears that tonight is a rather dark, gloomy night. Death lingers in the air.

Panel 2. The top view of the top of a flat-roofed building.  The main character, Andrew (who from this view should be quite small) is standing in the middle of the roof with a pool of blood at his feet. The blood is splashed over the area in front of him and reaches to the furthest point of the roof.

Panel 3 . Andrew is alone in this panel, his body being a bit brighter than the rest of his surroundings. He is looking down at the ground—looking down to the the entity he had just slain. His eyes display fear and remorse, as if he now regrets his action.  Andrew is fifteen years old with short black hair and dark eyes. He appears tired. He is rather skinny, yet not anorexic, and is wearing a thin open sweater (it's a zip-up sweater) with a black T-Shirt underneath. The inside of the sweater is white, while the outside is black. The outside has numerous white designs strewn about.

1 CAP:    ON THAT NIGHT, I KILLED MY 50TH ASPECT.  I SAVED ANOTHER LIFE...I SPARED ANOTHER SOUL. I HAD DONE SOMETHING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD! SO WHY...WHY DID IT FEEL LIKE-

Panel 4. This panel is a large shot of one of Andrews eyes. The reflection of the slain creature can be seen, drenched in blood and torn asunder.  Andrew appears sad, as can be seen by his watery eye.

2 CAP:    --I WAS THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD?



PAGE TWO (seven panels)

Panel 1.  Andrew is still looking down at the body. However, this shot is placed just above his shoulder, so we are also exposed to the sight. The beast has quickly begun to degenerate, and only a slightly deformed skeleton with a few pieces of flesh clinging to it remain. It's almost human-like, yet not quite. The skeleton is lying in a pool of it's own blood. The blood is black, and unlike normal blood, has odd designs laced in (happy faces, sad faces, squiggly lines, spirals, etc.)

1 ANDREW:    EACH TIME I KILL ONE OF THESE..IT'S SUPPOSED TO BRING ME CLOSER. I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL BETTER. ENLIGHTENED. BUT...I DON'T FEEL DIFFERENT AT ALL.

Panel 2. The blood begins to dry up, and the skeleton seems to be grinning as it turns to dust.

2 SFX:      FWOOOO~

Panel 3. A small panel showing the monsters skull. It is slowly fading to dust.

3 SFX:      FWOOOO~

Panel 4. Another small panel, only now the skull has almost completely vanished, and there is not much blood remaining.

4 SFX:      FWOOOO~

Panel 5. There is a sudden blast of smoke, and it takes the shape of a sinister, malicious smile.

5 SFX:      PUFF!

6 SFX (from smoke):   TEE HEE~

Panel 6. Andrew is reaching out, extending his hand to where the smoke had previously been, as if he was greeting it.

7 ANDREW:    I'M HALFWAY...AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND A THING.

Panel 7.  This scene is taking place just behind Andrew, and on the edge of the roof. The fabric of reality seems to be peeling away like paper, curling up at the end near the top, being colored a solid white.

8 SFX:       FWIP



PAGE THREE (four panels)

Panel 1. The shot is taken from a distance, and we can see the night sky in the distance .The paper-like material has now fully dropped to the roof's surface, and all but a small section of it seems to remain attached to the air (which is the bottom-right section). The material is a rather large rectangle, and would put you in mind of a sheet of paper. It's curled up on the edges that have already touched the ground. Sitting on the ledge, behind the area where the paper covered, is Devon. Since the shot is taken from pretty far away, we can't make out most of his finer details, but we see that he has long, straight white hair that seems to cover a good section of his eyes, and that he is wearing all white clothing.

1 SFX:         RIIIIIP!

Panel 2. The same as above, only now the entire sheet has fallen to the ground.

2 DEVON:                  OOPS.

3 SFX:         PLOP

Panel 3. A small panel showing a section of the paper-like material turn into a white liquid. It's one of the curled-up portions, and the substance is dripping down onto the stone rooftop.

4 SFX:         SSSSSS


Panel 4.  Andrew has turned slightly around is is now partially facing Devon. He does not appear to be frightened by the sudden appearance, and is rather calm.

5 ANDREW:      DEVON? WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' CREEPIN' AROUND...?

B]PAGE FOUR (five panels)[/B]

Panel 1. Devon is shown, and now we are able to get a closer look at his entire figure, as well as a small bit of the area surrounding him. He has pale skin, and two bags have begun to form under both of his eyes. As seen from the distance shot, his cloths are still all white. He is wearing a long sleeve shirt, and a pair of (what appear to be ) pajama pants. The white liquid has already undertaken the process of joining with his pants, and has almost even completed said process.

1 DEVON:       NOT  MUCH...I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW YOU WERE DOING WITHOUT REALLY GETTING IN THE WAY...

2 ANDREW (OP):    AH, I SEE... I GUESS THERE'S NOT REALLY MUCH ELSE TO DO, HUH?

3 DEVON:       NOPE...

Panel 2.  This is only a small (maybe thin?) panel that shows Devon jumping down onto the full flat surface of the stone roof.

4 SFX:      JUMP

Panel 3. Devon is standing a little ways away from Andrew, a slouch overtaking his posture (Devon is rarely seen standing completely straight). His arms are still by his sides, and now his hands are in the pockets of his pajama pants.  He looks fairly calm, though he may hold a small bit of nervousness to him. Though he may be good friends with Andrew (which is why he is able to easily talk to him), he sometimes still feels nervous around him.

4 ANDREW:       SO YOU'RE READY TO GO BACK?

5 DEVON:         YEAH...PRETTY MUCH. I WAS DONE A WHILE AGO, REALLY. I JUST THOUGHT I'D COME BACK AND WAIT FOR YOU.

6 ANDREW:      WELL THEN, I GUESS WE'LL HEAD BACK, HUH?  BUT BY THE TIME WE GET BACK, I BET WE'LL BE BACK OUT HERE JUST AS QUICK.

Panel 4. A small, quick panel of Andrews feet (or foot, or something similar) set in motion, showing that he has begun to move.

Panel 5. Andrew has by now, in this panel, just made it passed Devon's shoulder without saying a word. Both of them can not find anything to really talk about, and Andrew does not really seem to be in the mood for talking ever since his recent experience. Devon's nervousness can be clearly seen here, Whether it be by him biting his lip, arching his brow, etc. He is both anxious and nervous. A little scared, too, as he doesn't really want to ask the question he has in mind...but feels that he should anyway.


PAGE FIVE (five panels)

Panel 1. Devon had not brought himself to ask the question. Andrew has long since passed Devon by, and now resides at the other end of the roof. Devon is disappointed in him self, as even though Andrew is one of his closest (and very few) friends, he could not bring himself to ask him a simple question. He is treading on the thought. The panel is dark, and very dramatic. Time seems to be standing still for Devon.

Panel 2. In this panel, Devon has begun to make his way forward, and over to the place where Andrew is now.

Panel 3. This is a black panel.

1 DEVON (whisper):      A-AN...AND-

2 DEVON:             ANDREW...

Panel 4.  Andrew now has turned partially around to face Devon, though he is now in a sort of half-kneel on the edge of the roof. His body, unlike before, seems more relaxed and at ease.  Maybe the fact that he is heading “home” has finally gotten to him. It was a great feeling—the feeling of going back to where all of your friends and family awaited you. No matter what sort of hardship had once greeted him, he only now thought of the good things. He may even be smiling somewhat, but nothing too big.

3 ANDREW:       YEAH, WHAT? WHAT IS IT? I'M NOT GONNA JUMP OR ANYTHING, MAN. CALM DOWN! HA HA.

4 DEVON:         ...

Panel 5.  Devon has stopped dead in his tracks, and is now only a couple of feet away from Andrew. The panel is dark, with Devon being illuminated in a bright light (compared to the rest of the panel), making him the focal point. It is supposed to represent a timeless state, or a period within Devon's mind that seems to appear whenever he is caught within an uncomfortable situation. During that time, everything around Devon seems to pass abnormally slow. It's as if time it's self has stopped for him.

5 DEVON (thought):    I CAN'T....EVEN ASK A QUESTION. A SIMPLE QUESTION. I MEAN...WHY? HE'S MY FRIEND. I TRUST HIM. BUT...WHAT IF HE GOT MAD? WHAT IF I'M JUST BEING TOO...IGNORANT? I JUST DON'T WANT TO MAKE HIM MAD...NOT NOW...


PAGE SIX (five panels)

Panel 1.  Andrew is still patiently kneeling on the edge of the roof, facing Devon, yet not fully turned around as to expose the full half of the front of his body.  The viewer is positioned a little behind Andrew, so we see most of his back in the panel.

Panel 2. In this scene, it is very similar to Panel 5 of Page 5, only now Devon has finally decided upon an answer, and the focus has switched from Devon to the entire panel. Everything is back to it's normal color.

1 DEVON:          NO, IT'S NOTHING. I'M JUST WONDERIN'...HOW DO I GET DOWN FROM HERE?

Panel 3. In this panel, Andrew seems to be giving Devon a rather confused look. He had managed to get up there fine, but when it came to getting down, he couldn't do it?

2 ANDREW:       ER...THE SAME WAY YOU GOT UP HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE? I MEAN...WHY'D YOU COME UP IF YOU COULDN'T GET BACK DOWN?

Panel 4. This is a small panel depicting a short, miniature house-like structure on the other end of the roof which bears a single, wooden door and a small vent on the side for ventilation purposes. It looks pretty worn down, and was essentially a means of accessing the roof for the people who used to work in the abandoned warehouse in the lower levels.

3 ANDREW:       OR YOU COULD, YOU KNOW, JUST USE THE STAIRS OR SOMETHING...? I DUNNO. WHATEVER SUITS YOU, I GUESS.

Panel 5. Devon is looking between Andrew and the old stair house he had previously pointed out. He didn't want to, but he'd have to take the stairs, if only just to seem less suspicious (in his mind).

4 DEVON:          YEAH, BUT...IT WAS A LOT EASIER GETTING UP HERE, TOO.

PAGE SEVEN (four panels)

Panel 1. Devon has entered the small house area, and is slowly making his way down over the twisting steps. The inside of the stairwell looks fairly old, with moss/mold growing on the wood lining the walls. The stairs are metal with rusted steps, with a thin, shaky railing for support. The building had not been used in a while, and without the proper care, was starting to fall apart.

Panel 2.  Devon's foot has hit a stuck up, rusted piece of metal that is jutting up from the stairs, causing him to trip.

1 SFX:      TRIP

Panel 3.  A top-down view from Devon's perspective of the stairwell.  The center is black, with a stairway winding it's way down around the corners of the narrow tower, hugging the wall.

2 SFX:      WOOOO~

Panel 4. Devon has managed to catch himself on the railing, and is now facing the viewer. It is a close shot of him holding on to the rusted railing, his eyes wide in shock out of what had just happened.

3 SFX:       HA...HA...HA HA...

PAGE EIGHT (four panels)

Panel 1. Devon is slowly making his way down the stairs, but is so deep in thought now that he does not know what he is doing. He is just unconsciously walking, slowly making his way down to the bottom. He is regretting his past action—something very common for him.

1 DEVON (whisper):       I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW...I JUST REALLY DON'T KNOW! WHAT THE HELL...I MEAN...UGH!!!

Panel 2. Devon's face has gone sour. He is regretting saying anything at all, and thinks he would have been better off if he did not say anything in the first place.

2 DEVON (whisper):       I CAN TELL MYSELF THAT I'M GOING TO DO IT...BUT WHEN THE TIME COMES, I DON'T! I DON'T DO A DAMN THING! GAHH!!! MY GOD...WHY THE HELL CAN'T I GET OVER IT? WHY THE HELL CAN'T I GET OVER IT!?

Panel 3. This is a relatively small panel showing Devon's eyes. He appears to have become very startled, and as if he has been caught off guard by something very frightening,

3 SFX:      !!!

Panel 4. A pretty big shot depicting Devon standing in front of the old iron door leading from the stairway to the main section of the warehouse.  He is at the bottom of the stairwell, and was so lost in thought that he did not notice that he had gone all that way in such a short amount of time.


PAGE NINE (four panels)

Panel 2. The door has opened out into the main area, and Devon now stands within the entrance to the old warehouse work area. The reader is facing him, and appear to be a good ways away from the door and out onto the floor, looking in on Devon as he exits. Boxes are stacked everywhere, and in every-which-way. Cobwebs, dust, old rags and pieces of clothing, etc. all cover the darkened room. A few boxes are stacked against the wall near the side of the door Devon is entering from, with writing (that is too hard to make out from this distance) printed on a few of them.

Panel 3. Devon has now made it to the center of the warehouse, and is rushing himself across the cold and dusty floor to the exit. He may look as if something is chasing him, and he is—for one reason or another—trying to get to the other end of the room (to the exit) without running.

DEVON (thinking):       JUST KEEP GOIN'. THEY'RE NOT GONNA GET YOU ANYWAY. YOU'D BE ABLE TO OUT RUN THEM, AND ANDREW IS OUTSIDE, SO HE'D HEAR ME...

Panel 4. Devon grabs the door knob to exist the warehouse.

PAGE TEN (six panels)

Panel 1. A shot from outside of the School Of Art. The entire school can be seen from the angle it is positioned at (left up to the Artist). It is a very different, unique looking school, differing greatly from the normal, bland buildings seen in real life. It is colorful, has many odd shaped structures, and also has a numerous amount of crazy, odd designs laced throughout it's outer shell.

Panel 2. In this scene, Devon and Andrew have finally returned from their latest Assignment. Andrew is standing in front of a Vending machine, while Devon looks on for him to finish up. However, Andrew is severely pissed and mad at the contraption, because it keeps on spiting his money back at him. The compartment where the drink is dispensed at the bottom is shaped like a pair of lips.

1 ANDREW:    DAMN THING. YOU WOULDN'T THINK IT, WOULD YOU? IT ALWAYS REJECTS MY MONEY. AND IT'S ALWAYS WHEN I HAVE THE EXACT AMOUNT, TOO!

2 DEVON:       WHY NOT JUST USE ANOTHER DOLLAR?

Panel 3. A dark panel showing Andrews evil side. He is gritting his teeth, and his eyes are filled with rage. Of course, all of this is seen in more of a comedic light than a serious, threatening one.

Panel 4. Andrew has turned to face Devon, and is brimming with rage. He has exploded, and is unleashing it all upon Devon. He appears to be yelling, and is waving his arms wildly about in frustration. Again, this is a comedic scene. Devon is standing there, a sweat drop forming by his head, and his arm extended as if to pass something to Andrew.

3 ANDREW:    I DON'T HAVE A DOLLAR!  IF I HAD ANOTHER DOLLAR I'D USE THE DAMN THING!!! BESIDES, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS DOLLAR? NOTHING! IT'S JUST BEIN' TOO PICKY!!!

4 DEVON(whisper):   WELL...I WAS JUST GONNA...GIVE YOU MINE...-

Panel 5. A small shot of Andrew's eye taking notice to the object Devon is holding in his hand.

Panel 6. A shot (could be pretty small) of Andrew grinning maliciously, a snakelike grin on his face as he stares at the dollar with evil intentions passing through his mind.

5 ANDREW:    KU KU KU...NOW, WITH THIS DOLLAR, I'LL GET WHAT I WANT!


PAGE ELEVEN (six panels)


Panel 1. Andrew has finally calmed himself down, and looks as if he is drugged the way he is standing in front of the machine, drool pouring down over his chin and eyes closed. He is slouched over, and stars are floating around him as he lazily inserts the money into the slot.

Panel 2. Shows the money being spit back out.

1 SFX:      PATUI!

Panel 3.  This scene depicts Andrew is a blind rage. Flames seemed to have consumed him, and his foot is now lodged  into the front of the vending machine. The plastic surface has bent and contorted inwards due to the force of the kick. The machine it's self seems to have endured some pain, and the lips (it's dispenser) are bulging outwards, it's tongue sticking out and drool flying everywhere.

2 ANDREW:      GOD DAMN YOU! WHY WON'T YOU ACCEPTMY MONEY!? I WANT A DRINK! A DRINK!!!

Panel 4. Andrew has slouched against the machine, and is now nearly touching the floor. His eyes are closed, and he is once again in his drugged-like state. A stream of drool is drawn on the side of the machine, showing where Andrews face slid down it when he first came in contact with it. He seems to be nearly crying. Devon is looking down at him in a confused manner, as he has not a clue of what to say. In the distant hallway, Jason can be seen walking by.

3 ANDREW:    I'M THIRSTY....SO THIRSTY...

4 SFX (from Andrew): CRIES

5 DEVON:       ...

Panel 5. This is very similar to the last panel. Andrew is still on the floor sulking, but we see much more of Devon (or rather, his top-half)  and the hallway ahead of him. He seems to have taken notice of Jason passing by in the distance, and is looking down at him.

6 SFX:    !

Panel 6. Perhaps a front angle-view of both Andrew and Devon. The viewer is seeing them from a position on the floor, and seems to be looking up at them from an angle a short distance away. The back of Andrew's head can be seen (as he is facing Devon) and Devon is waving his arm in the air in an attempt to get Jason's attention.

7 DEVON:       HEY! JASONA!


PAGE TWELVE (five panels)

Panel 1. Jason, Andrew, and Devon have formed a small circle near the vending machine. Andrew has finally managed to get his water (which he is holding) and looks quite content with it. Jason is wearing a pair of spotted, baggy pants that have a random two digit number within each circle (spot). He is wearing a striped, collared shirt, and has a pair of circular glasses. On his feet he wears a normal pair of sneakers.

1 JASON:       OH YEAH...AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GO BACK TO CLASS NOW? I MEAN...RIGHT AFTER YOU CAME BACK FROM ONE OF YOUR ASSIGNMENTS?  KIND OF A WASTE, DON'T YOU THINK? WHY NOT JUST GO DOWN TO THE MAIN OFFICE AND LET 'EM KNOW THAT YOU'RE BACK, THEN HEAD DOWN TO YOUR ROOM FOR SOME REST?

Panel 2. Andrew is explaining their current situation to Jason, the arm holding his recently acquired bottle of water flailing about as he speaking.

2 SFX:          FWIP

3 ANDREW:       YEAH, I FIGURE'D I'D GO BACK SEEIN' AS HOW THERE'S ONLY...WHAT? ONE MORE CLASS LEFT? BESIDES, IM NOT THAT TIRED.

4 DEVON:       WHAT DO WE EVEN HAVE NEXT...?

5 ANDREW:    SCULPTING. ER...I THINK.

Panel 3. Jason, Andrew and Devon are still talking. Andrew is now leaning back against one of the lockers that was next to the vending machine.

6 JASON:       SCULPTING? WITH MS. HOLLANDER? HA HA.  MAN, SHE SOMETIMES MAKES ME JUST SO...UGH!

7 ANDREW:    WHAT? SHE CAN'T BE THAT BAD. I DON'T FIND HER TO BE A BAD TEACHER, ANYWAY.

8 JASON:       NOT THAT SHE'S BAD, PER-SAY...IT'S JUST THE THINGS THAT SHE GET'S ON WITH!  ABOUT GOD, RELIGION, AND HER LITTLE DRUG RANTS.

9 SFX:       DING DING DING DING DING

Panel 4. This is a small panel showing the top section of a classroom door swinging outward. The current period has ended.

Panel 5. The hall is now partially filled with students walking about, opening their lockers, standing and talking, etc. but they are not nearly as detailed as Jason, Andrew, and Devon.  Their finer features can hardly be made out, and it is as if they do not matter as much as the three friends standing in a circle.

10 ANDREW:    WELL...THERE GOES THE BELL.

11 JASON:       UGH...PAINTING. I HATE PAINTING. I HATE IT WITH A PASSION!

12 DEVON:    SCULPTING...


PAGE THIRTEEN (six panels)

Panel 1. This panel shows the inner sanctum of the Sculpting teacher, Ms. Hollander. The room is circular in shape, with long desks arching around the platform in the center of the room. Said platform is the teachers teaching station, and it is where she gives the students all of the information. All of the students (the room appears to be near full) are working on something at the present time, and have molding clay in front of them, as well as another sample object they are to copy off of. There are various sculptures in the middle of the room, and they are standing watch over the teachers platform like soldiers.

1 MS. HOLLANDER:    YOU'VE GOT TO GET THE FEEL OF THE PIECE YOU'RE WORKING ON. PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE OBJECT YOU'RE TRYING TO REPLICATE. KNOW IT'S TEXTURE, IT'S SHAPE, IT'S PATTERN, IT'S LENGTH, IT'S WIDTH, ETC.

2 SFX:       MUMBLE (VARIOUS)

3 STUDENT:    OHH...!!! MISS, I NEED HELP! C'MERE BEFORE I RUIN IT!!!

4 MS HOLLANDER:    YES GIRL, ONE MINUTE.  CLASS JUST STARTED  AND YOU'RE ALREADY FLINGING QUESTIONS AT ME! AH HA HA.

Panel 2. A long shot of a simple, yet beautiful, vase. It has some odd shapes etched into it's surface, and is rather long, but it is overall very simple in terms of it's basic outline/shape. A radiant and holy light seems to shine down from heaven it's self upon the piece, amplifying it's beauty. Trying to make this as beautiful as possible is important, as it is essential to the following scene.

Panel 3. This is similar to the last panel, only now we are given sight of a rather ugly, poorly made replica of the previous vase. It is oddly shaped, and it's outline hardly matches that of the original. There are random lumps sticking out of it from every-which-way, and it may even appear to be on a slight tilt. This scene is very dark and drab, and is the complete opposite of the last panel just to show how very different it is compared to the original.

Panel 4. Andrew has his head lain down on the desk, his eyes peeking over the tops of his arms to see his “masterpiece”.  His version of the vase is more near him, while the original is positioned a little further away. Blobs of clay are laying everywhere, and the entire area around him is very messy.  Even Andrews shirt is a mess (his sweater is hanging on the back of his chair).

5 ANDREW:    EW. THIS ISN'T SCULPTING...IT'S POTTERY. I HATE POTTERY. I SUCK AT POTTERY. WHY ARE WE DOING POTTERY!? WHY CAN'T WE WORK ON SOMETHING BETTER...LIKE PEOPLE...OR ANIMALS...OR MS.HOLLANDER.

6 DEVON (OP):    WELL...IT'S NOT THAT BAD. I THINK IT'S PRETTY FUN...


Panel 5. Andrew has turned to face Devon and is, again, brimming with an intense anger. His entire body just seems to have ignited in a bath of flames, and he is yelling at the top of his lungs. A comedic scene.

7 ANDREW:    FUN? THIS? NO! IT SUCKS! IT SUCKS SOO MUCH!!! WHY CAN'T WE DRAW, OR PAINT, OR...BLAH! BESIDES, I DON'T THINK YOURS IS ANY BET-

Panel 6.  This is a small panel showing a white-faced Andrew. He appears to have seen a ghost, and as if all the life has been drained from his body. He is in a more chibi-like style here, his eyes dots and his arms nothing more than little stubs. He is drooling, and the panel lacks very much detail just to represent Andrews simple-mindedness at this time.

8 ANDREW:    -ER...

PAGE FOURTEEN (six panels)

Panel 1. Andrew is looking at Devon (or rather the piece of art, his sculpture). He is wide-eyed, and his jaw has dropped from the sheer shock of seeing something so beautiful. Devon's sculpture is near identical to the one he had been trying to mimic, and he seems to have even paid closer attention to detail than the original artist had, too. Also, unlike most of the other students, Devon was made do an actual clay sculpture of a person. Devon is looking at Andrew, shy and confused.

1 SFX:       DA DAA!!!

2 ANDREW:    I CAN'T EVEN DO A BOWL AND YOU DID THAT!? HOW!?

3 DEVON:       UHH...

Panel 2. This panel is pretty similar to the last. Things seemed to have calmed down, and Andrew is no longer in a state of shock/fury. The scene is shifted a bit to the right, showing an arm stretched out from across the desk to Devon's sculpture. The hand is firmly grasping the sculptures head.

4 GUY (OP):    WHADDYA THINK? IT'S 'CAUSE HE STAYS IN HIS ROOM ALL DAY AND DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE.

5 OTHER GUY BEHIND DEVON (OP):       YEAH, WATCH NOW, HE'LL SOON BE COMMIN' IN WITH A PAIR OF SUN GLASSES ON 'CAUSE IT'LL BE TO BRIGHT FOR 'EM!

Panel 3. This is a small, yet stunning, panel showing the head of Devon's sculpture being ripped off.

6 SFX:       !!!

Panel 4. Standing in front of Andrew and Devon's desk is an older looking student. He is bigger, and has a more round, filled-out physique. He has very short hair, and is kind of chubby in a way (though not overly so).  He is wearing a white, baggy shirt and a pair of jeans. The second person, who is positioned behind Andrew and Devon, is fairly skinny. He also has short black hair (but it's longer than the other students) and is wearing tight black shirt  along with a pair of jeans. He also has a small touch of a beard. Andrew is just sitting there, not really knowing what to do, and Devon appears to be shocked.

7 DEVON:       MAN...TH-THAT'S MINE. GIVE IT BACK, WILL YA?

8 BIG GUY:    YES NOW, WATCH OUT.  SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH STUFF HERE NOW TO MAKE YER OWN CHINA SET 'ER WHATEVER THE HELL YA WANT. SHARE SOME, FER 'DA LOVE OF GOD.

9 SKINNIER GUY:    YES MAN, STOP HOGGIN' THE GOD DAMN STUFF.

10 ANDREW:       ....


Panel 5. This is a smaller panel than the rest of them, and is showing the skinnier student holding on to a ball of clay in his hand. He is lightly squeezing it.

Panel 6. The ball of clay the second student had been shown previously holding is welted off of the back of Devon's head. Devon's head is arched forward because of the force of the strike, and his hair appears to be flying away from the site of impact. The skinnier guy has a large, goofy smile on his face while going through with this action, as if he is enjoying it. The larger guy is also laughing, but has more of an idiotic smile on his face.

11 SFX:       WHAM!

PAGE FIFTEEN (four panels)

Panel 1. A rather far-away shot showing two of the students that had just assaulted Andrew and Devon backing away. They are still laughing, and have no intentions of apologizing or going through with any such action. The other students that had been sitting near Andrew and Devon have all turned to face Devon, smiles on their faces as if they were happy. Some of the girls are shown covering their mouths, while others are seemingly amused. A few of the guys are just shown not really caring, while the rest are laughing and/or grinning. Andrew is just looking to Devon, and Devon has his head down so close to the desk it may appear as though he is lying down.

1 SFX:     AHA HA HA!!!

2 SFX:    OH MY GOD...!!!

3 SFX:    OHH MYY...

Panel 2. A large panel showing Devon's face and neck area. His hair is a mess, and pieces of clay are stuck to him everywhere. His face is blood red with embarrassment, and his eyes filled with hurt. He has zoned out, and is now lost within his own little world (his mind). He is looking downwards, his mouth a little open with his hair drooping down into his eyes. The panel is very dark, and almost saddening. It is meant to place emphasis on Devon.

4 SFX:    HAAAA HA HA HA!

5 SFX:    HA HA HA...

6 SFX:    MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL?

7 SFX:    CAN'T THEY JUST GROW UP OR SUMTIN'? THAT PISSES ME OFF...


Panel 3. This is a semi-close shot of Andrew, who is looking to Devon with disappointment in his eyes. He also appears to be sad, and lacks the right words to say. However, such a lack of words is not for Devon, but rather himself, for not having done anything  in the younger boys defense.  He is hurt, concerned, and maybe even a little confused with the goings on around him.

Panel 4. The class has ended, and where students used to sit there now remains an empty seat. Everyone has left for the day, and the classroom is getting ready to be cleaned. No one is left sitting or standing, and the chairs and thrown/shoved everywhere. The tables are very dirty, and are still covered in patches of clay, a random blob positioned here-and-there. The floor also has  random patches of clay mushed into it.

PAGE SIXTEEN (four panels)

Panel 1.  New scene within Leonardo's chamber. Is very bright with odd shapes and designs.

MR. LEOPOLD: IT MAY PROVE TO BE A WORTH-WHILE EXPERIENCE FOR THE STUDENTS. IT'S NOT EVERY DAY WE ARE SUBJECT TO A BUILDING OF THIS CALIBUR, YOU KNOW. AND THE MORE THAT GO, THE LESS STUDENTS THERE ARE TO INTERFERE WITH THE BUISNESS I'VE TO ATTNED TO HERE AT THE SCHOOL.
LEONARDO: YES, YES...TRUE ENOUGH. YEAH...YEAH... UH, WHEN DID YOU SAY IT WAS COMING?

MR.LEOPOLD: WELL, IT'S TECHNICALLY ALREADY HERE. THEY JUST NEED TO SET THEMSELVES UP ON THE INSIDE. SO...ABOUT A WEEK, GIVE OR TAKE A FEW DAYS.

Panel 2. Leonardo is sitting in a relaxed manner. His face is calm and near tired-looking, as if he is to doze of at any moment in time. He has many robes on, and has paint brushes in his hair. Pencils are used as buttons, and he has thumbtacks as ear rings. His roves have many odd designs. He is wearing thick glasses. He is surrounded by scented candles, lumps of paper.  He is sitting on a giant pillow/bean sack.

LEONARDO: WELL SURE...UH...IT'S BEST WE USE IT TO OUR ADVANTAGE, HM? AND IT'LL GIVE YOU A BIT 'O TIME TO LOOK AROUND...? YEAH...I THINK IT'D BE A NICE EXPERIENCE FOR 'EM. BUT ...AH...WHAT ABOUT THE STUDENTS WHO, YA KNOW...DON'T GO?

Panel 3. A dark cloaked man with long hair and a hat. It is Mr. Leopold. His entire body is very dark and mysterious. We has a pale, thin face, and his hat has a wide rim that casts a shadow on his face. His coat has a big collar, and is very long and loose. He has a scarf on, and has thin glasses. He is also wearing gloves.

MR.LEOPOLD: WELL, THEY CAN JUST STAY AT THE SCHOOL. THERE WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY BE NO NORMAL CLASSES THAT DAY, ANYWAY. BUT TO MY KNOWLEDGE, A GREAT DEAL OF THEM WOULD GO ON THIS TRIP. IF THEY WISH  TO BETTER THEMSELVES, HOW BETTER TO DO IT THAN TO SEE THE VERY MASTERS THEMSELVES IN ACTION?

Panel 4. Leonardo is leaning back, his eyes are closed. He is sunk into his pilow.

LEONARDO:  I SUPPOSE, YEAH. SO IT'S A FIELD TRIP, HM? I...CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE HAD ONE OF THOSE. WELL, IF IT HELPS 'EM TO BETTER PREPARE THEMSELVES WHILE ALSO HAVIN' A BIT OF FUN, I'M FOR IT. SO YOU'RE THE ONE PREPARING EVERYTHING, I TAKE IT...?





PAGE SEVENTEEN (panels)

Panel 1. A shot of Mr. Leopold with his hands out as if he is explaining something.

MR.LEOPOLD:  YES, I'LL BE THE ONE WHO WILL ORGANIZE EVERYTHING. I MAY NEED A BIT OF HELP FROM THE SECRETARY AND SOME OF THE OTHER TEACHERS, BUT THAT IS IT. OH...AND SPEAKING OF THE TEACHERS, WE WILL NEED TO INFORM THEM OF WHAT WE HAVE PLANNED.

Panel 2. Leonardo is pushing himself up from his chair. He is bent slightly and his robes are dangling from his being.

LEONARDO: YEAH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM...I DOUBT THEY'D OBJECT TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.  IT'S FOR THE GOOD OF THE STUDENS, AFTER ALL.

Panel 3. Mr. Leopold smiling, his glasses reflecting Leonardo's image.

MR. LEOPOLD: EXACTLY. I WANTED TO FIND A WAY TO GET THE STUDENTS OUT OF HERE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME GIVE THEM A ONCE IN A LIFETIME LEARNING EXPERIENCE. WE NEEDED TO HAVE SOMEWHERE TO PUT THEM, AFTER ALL.

Panel 4. Leonardo is half-smiling, his face calm and relaxed as he looks straight ahead of himself.

LEONARDO: BUT I ALSO THINK THAT THEY NEED SOME SORT OF A BREAK.  JUST TO CALM 'EM DOWN, YOU KNOW? IT'S NOT EASY LIVING THROUGH EVERY WAKING MOMENT KNOWING THAT--






PAGE EIGHTEEN-NINETEEN (one panel)

Panel 1. A shot of the ceiling above the massive room of the headmaster. There is a great painting on the ceiling, and it appear to be many white hands reaching for a blackened earth.  The earth has a massive grin-like face displayed behind it, and angels are bracing their bows and arrows. Vertically placed eyes surround the painting, each with a different phase of the moon in it's pupil.  There is a sword piercing a white angelic man to the top of the earth, and his blood is running down the earth and appears to be spilling into the mouth behind the earth.

LEONARDO: -- CHAOS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER...

[Moosetroop11]

*Dies*

Okay, read it all. One thing I'll say right away is that some bits are as confusing as hell. I expect that you'll reveal the mysteries at a later date but don't put too many confusing bits in at once or the reader will get lost.

Also, the bits that are supposed to be funny don't look very funny. I dunno.

Oh, and page one was really cliche' and cheesy XD

Other than that, it sounds pretty good. Watch out for your spelling. I'm pretty sure he was wearing a shirt, not a **** XDD

[Ephiam]

Confusing? Which bits!? I must know! Does it have anything to do with the visualization of the panels, and what is going on within them...or is it the story it's self? Judging by what you said afterwards, it seems like you were aiming more at the story it's self than the visuals (Er...description).

Oi, you mean that one part about the vending machine? XD

Cliche, huh? You'll see much more of that in the chapters to come. Er...well, that is if you decide to read them. if not...then I guess you won't see them, huh? =B I try not to make it too cliche, though. But be warned! I'm definitly not a king of original concepts.

ha haaaa. Wearing a **** XD Oh god. How could I overlook that!? =X

[Prpl_Mage]

I'd say:
"Ma' boi! You must make this into a anime slash manga!"
Because - Ephiam. As Moose said; what would've been good visually just don't do in words like this.

Most parts: like whenever you told us about the different panels; the angle and such. They were good, but a bit boring after a while. They do better when you see them and not just read them. Sure, I can picture everything in my head, but reading all of that took forever.

And about the vending machine thingy. Generic anime explainations just don't do in letters. Like the mentioning of the sweat drop and stuff. That was like, explaining how it would've looked in an anime. And yet it wasn't one.

Truth to be told, this is probably one of the most original kinds of writing I've seen. Having an anime-ish episode and writing like you're explaining it to a blind guy. It works for that, but I stick to my previous oppinion that it would've looked better in flesh - Papper.

[Ephiam]

Oi, I see. Well it IS supposed to be the script to a Manga chapter of sorts. I'm just playing around, seeing if I can do it all at a decently good level. But then again...I should have mentioned that when I first posted this up, shouldn't I?

But thank you for the comment! I'm very glad that you took the time to read it al...and, well...I can't really scpress it in words! Ha ha. But that's a bad thing, sin't it!? Means I lack the words to express what I feel!!! E-gads! I'm digging myself into a deeper hole! It'd be best to stop while I'm supposedly ahead!

Me and my friend and writing Manga scripts. Or...well, things that sort of RESEMBLE a script to a Manga. Because really...I've no clue as to how one of them really looks like. The only guide I was able to get was the one on Dark Horse's website, and that was for Western-like Comics (I think). So...I think they're both similar, anyway!

We had it in mind to try and send it in to see if it could get accepted (both of ours)...but eh. Maybe in the future, but right now I'm not too worried about it. It probably would not really be accpeted, anyway, 'cause it's not all that original. But I'll work for it!

Thank you once again for the response. I plan on posting Chapter 2 in due time. I hope you're able to read that, too. If not, ah well! I guess I can't ask too much of you, as it'd make me feel odd seeing as how you went and read the entirety of Chapter 1 in one go! I'm glad you read it, though. =)

[Ephiam]

Chapter TWO: Assignment.



PAGE TWENTY (four panels)

Panel 1. The halls of the school have become hollow, and all of the students have either returned back to their rooms, or have gone out and about. A few are left fiddling with their books, with others picking at their belongings in their lockers. Some others are just sitting on the floor, back against the lockers, skimming over a few notes or reading a book.

1 ANDREW (OP): SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR AFTER WHEN YOU'RE DONE? GOING ANYWHERE THIS EVENING?

 Panel 2. Andrew and Devon are both walking down the hallway.  Both boys have their arms laying casually by their sides, and are dressed in the same attire they had been previously wearing. Devon looks tired, and as if he is to fall asleep at any moment.

2 DEVON: NOT REALLY... I WAS PLANNING ON GOING BACK TO MY ROOM TO LIE DOWN. I'VE GOT A SMALL HEADACHE, AND IT'S MAKING ME FEEL ALL...TIRED.

3 ANDREW: AH... I THINK I'LL JUST LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC AND DRAW. WE'VE GOT NO REAL HOMEWORK, AND I'VE BEEN SLACKIN' OFF  WITH MY PRACTICE.

Panel 3. This panel shows the backs of Andrew and Devon from a semi-distant shot. We are seeing through the eyes of someone as they approach, and they may be moving at such a speed that their surroundings may have become distorted, the only thing being clear is that which they are focusing on: Andrew and Devon.

Panel 4. Andrew And Devon have both been thrust forward, nearly being swept off of their feet by Maria's sudden arrival. Their shoulders (and nearly all of their upper body from the waist up) is shifted forward, half from fright and half from the force of the impact. Maria is in the middle of them, and has one of her arms around Devon's shoulder and the other around Andrews, using them to support her as she lifts herself off of the ground, legs flying forward.   Maria is wearing a cheerful, happy expression, while Andrew and Devon appear to be quite taken back by her sudden action. Of course, this is shown in a more comedic light. Maria is wearing a black skirt with a black vest over  a white dress shirt.  She is wearing black, leather boots and has long hair that is shoulder length, her bang being pushed to the left side of her head and being held there with a clip.

4 MARIA: HYAAA HA HAA!

5 SFX: !!!


PAGE TWENTY ONE (five panels)

Panel 1. Maria is standing in front of Andrew and Devon, a smile on her face. She is very hyper, and full of energy. This is shown by her wide grin and widely opened eyes.  Both of the boys are recovering from her “attack,” and are looking up to see her.

1 MARIA: SO, UH...WHERE'RE YOU BOYS HEADED? HA HA.

2 ANDREW: DEVON'S ON HIS WAY TO SEE MS. HOLLANDER, AND I'M JUST GOIN' ALONG FOR THE RUN. WHY?

3 MAIRA: NOTHIN' MUCH!

Panel 2. Maria has taken a few steps closer to them, and has her arms extended as if she were to break out into a long explanation. Devon and Andrew are still merely looking on as she speaks.

4 MARIA: YOU TWO WANT TO HEAD DOWN TO THE CAFETERIA FOR A LUNCH ONCE YOU'RE DONE? I'M HEADIN' DOWN THERE NOW ONCE I GET READY, AND I DON'T WANT TO EAT BY MYSELF!

Panel 3. Andrew has turned to Devon, and it is as if he needs to get an “OK” from Devon before he gives Maria and for-sure answer.

5 ANDREW: SO...? WHAT'RE WE DOIN'?

6 DEVO: WELL...I DON'T REALLY CARE, BUT IT MIGHT TAKE TEN MINUTES OR SO.

Panel 4. Maria has turned to take her leave, while Andrew speaks to her. She is  only halfway turned around, and is in a position so that she has nearly done a complete turn yet is still looking back at the two boys.

7 ANDREW: THAT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU?

8 MARIA: YEAH! IT'S ALL~ GOOD! HA HA. I'VE GOTTA GO BACK AND GET READY, ANYWAY.  I'M JUST BACK FROM RUNNIN', SO I'VE GOT TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES AND STUFF.

Panel 5. Maria is now further up the hallway, but is still turned a bit around to see the two boys behind her. Devon and Andrew are just standing there, watching as she leaves.

9 MARIA: I'LL BE DOWN THERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES! SO DON'T TAKE TOO LONG, OKAY!?

10 DEVON: I'LL TRY.

11 ANDREW: MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STAY UP HERE, JUST FOR BADNESS...

PAGE TWENTY TWO (six panels)

Panel 1.  A black panel.

1 ANDREW (thought): A DEEP, SUPRESSED HATRED. WHEN THEY TOLD US ABOUT HOW THE IMBALANCE WAS BORN, THEY WEREN'T OVEREXAGERATING A THING. SOME POPLE MAY HAVE THOUGHT IT, BECAUSE IT'S JUST WHAT THEY'VE LEAD THEMSELVES TO BELIEVE. BUT I KNOW FIRST-HAND...

Panel 2. This panel is dark, sinister, and represents the evil of The Imbalance.  Small black claw-like appendages are reaching up, approaching a small boy.  He is crying, a torn piece of paper laying on the floor next to him, with broken crayons scattered about. If put back together, the paper would ready “I love you mommy” with two small stick people bellow it, holding hands. One is taller than the other. Behind the boy is a massive, pure white grin, as if someone is taking pleasure from such a thing.  Small creatures of the night are looking in and gazing upon the sight, giggling.

2 ANDREW (thought): THAT IT CAN BE BORN FROM THE SMALLEST OF THINGS. SOME PEOPLE—PEOPLE LIKE ME—JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH THINGS THE WAY OTHERS CAN. WE DWELL ON IT, LET IT FESTER...AND COME TO HATE IT. AND WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS, IT STAYS ON OUR MINDS...CONSTANTLY TORTURING US...

Panel 3.  A much older, photograph-like shot of Devon from the time when he had been hit in the back of the head with the blob of clay.

3 ANDREW (thought): “GET OVER IT,” “STOP THINKING ABOUT IT”...

4 ANDREW (thought): I'VE TRIED. I'VE HONESTLY TRIED...AND NOTHING WORKS. THEY SAY IT AS IF IT'S SUCH A SIMPLE TASK. WELL, I SUPPOSE IT MAY BE TO THEM...BUT TO ME, AND TO OTHER PEOPLE LIKE ME...WE JUST CAN'T DO IT.

Panel 3. Same as the previous panel, only now there is a shot of Andrew in a much darker, flash-back like appearance. He is much darker This is the scene where is looking to Devon after he had been hit with the clay ball.

5 ANDREW (thought): NO MATTER WHAT WE TELL OURSELVES, OR WHAT WE TRY AND FORCE OURSELVES TO BELIEVE...IT NEVER WORKS.  “I'LL SAY SOMETHING NEXT TIME!” HAA.  I DON'T THINK IT MATTERS HOW MANY TIMES I SAY IT, IT'LL NEVER COME TRUE. EXECUTION...IS MUCH HARDER THAN PREPERATION.

Panel 4. Small panel showing a pair of eyes open. They are tired, and looking to the left (or the characters right)

Panel 5. Andrew is sitting next to the open door of Ms. Hollanders room. He is leaning back, eyes half-open, and looking to Devon who is now standing to the side of him. His arms are dangling down the side of the chair, and his head is laying back against the wall.

6 ANDREW: OUT ALREADY? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD'VE BEEN LONGER THAN THAT...

7 DEVON: NAH...SHE REALLY DIDN'T SAY MUCH. YOU GOING DOWN TO THE CAFETERIA NOW?

Panel 6. Andrew is pushing himself up, taking his place atop his two feet.

8ANDREW: SURE...

PAGE TWENTY THREE (five panels)

Panel 1.  Jason is standing up next to one of the restaurants in the food court.  It is an open area with a glass guard displaying food behind it. They are ingredients to use on subs, pizzas, etc. There is a rather old woman behind the counter, wearing a hat, with her hair drawn back in a pony tail.  Jason is looking in at what she is doing as she prepares his sub. He is telling her what he wants on it.

1 WORKER: PEPPERONI?

2 JASON: YEAH.

3 WORKER: SALAMI? TURKEY? PICKELS?

4 JASON: YEAH, I'LL HAVE A BIT OF SALAMI, AND TURKEY...BUT NO PICKELS, PLEASE.

5 WORKER: TWO CHEESE, RIGHT? AND MUSTARD PLUS MAYO.

6 JASON: NO....I'LL JUST HAVE ONE CHEESE TODAY. AND I'LL HAVE MUSTARD AND MAYO, YEAH.

7WORKER: THAT IT? AND YOU WANT IT HEATED, RIGHT?

8 JASON: YUP, THAT'S IT. AND YES, I'D LIKE IT HEATED, PLEASE.

Panel 2. Jason seems to have heard something that has caught his attention, and has begun to turn around.

9 ANDREW (op): HEY, JASONA!

Panel 3. Jason is now facing both Devon and Andrew who are now standing beside him in front of the glass' guard.

10 JASON: OH, HEY. SO HOW'D SCULPTING GO?  DO ANY GREAT MASTERPIECES OR WHAT?

11 ANDREW: IT WAS...ALRIGHT. BUT YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THE USUAL IDIOT OR TWO IN THERE, MAKING A NUISANCE OF THEMSELVES.

12 JASON: AH JEEZ. HMPH. WELL, YOU KNOW KNOW, YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT RUNNING INTO THEM.

13 DEVON (low): I WANT A SUB...

Panel 4. Andrew is bent down and is looking in through the glass guard at the ingredients. He looks rather interested, and is scanning the wide selection in search of something that may pique his interest further.  Devon is also looking in.

14 ANDREW: SO WHAT'RE YOU GETTING? A SUB? I WANT ONE, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND TO GET...PIZZA OR REGULAR...

15 JASON: A SUB? IT'S OBVIOUS I'M GETTING A SUB! THEY'RE GODLY!

16 JASON: YOU SHOULD JUST GET A REGULAR SUB, THEY'RE WAY BETTER!

17 ANDREW: MAYBE...

18 DEVON: I WONDER WHAT I'LL GET...?

Panel 5. Andrew is still looking down at the ingredients, and thinking away to himself on what to get. Devon has struck up a conversation with Jason, and is standing up, but still in  a hunch. Jason has also turned in Devon's direction, and seems to be rather happy.

19 DEVON: SO...HOW WAS PAINTING? OR WHAT? YOU HAD PAINTING LAST, RIGHT?

20 JASON: YEAH, I HATE PAINTING. IT WAS...ALRIGHT, BUT NOT THE BEST. I DIDN'T REALLY DO MUCH...JUST PAINTED A TREE. MR.TAUSS JUST TOLD US TO GET A PICTURE AND PAINT IT. THEN HE JUST SAT DOWN AND READ FOR THE REST OF IT. SO YEAH, A VERY PRODUCTIVE CLASS.

21 ANDREW (SFX): PIZZA SUB? NORMAL SUB...? LAST TIME I HAD NORMAL I GOT SICK...

22 SFX (from behind counter): DING!

PAGE TWENTY FOUR (five panels)

Panel 1. Shows the rest of the cafeteria. As school hours have basically ended, there are not many people roaming around as there would be in the midst of day. There are a few people scattered about here-and-there, with a few groups sitting to separate tables and a few loan people reading and listening to music at others.

1 WORKER: JASON, HERE'S YOUR SUB.

2 JASON: AH, THANKS.

3 ANDREW: AHA! I KNOW, I'LL GET A PIZZA SUB!

4 DEVON: YOU HAD ONE YESTERDAY, DIDN'Y OU?

5 ANDREW: THAT WAS YESTERDAY! TODAY'S AN ALL NEW DAY! (WOO!)


Panel 2. Jason has the sub in hand (it is wrapped up) and is turned away from both Devon and Andrew. Both of the boys are slightly facing Jason as he begins to take his leave (Andrew is still partially turned to face the counter).

6 JASON: I'LL GO AND PICK US OUT A TABLE. YOU TWO CAN JUST COME DOWN WHEN YOU'RE READY, OKAY?

7 ANDREW: YEAH, WE'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE!

8 DEVON: YEAH...

Panel 3. Devon and Andrew are looking to one and other. Andrew is still facing the ingredient/topping window, but is more faced towards Devon.

9 ANDREW: ARE YOU GETTIN' A SUB, TOO?

10 DEVON: JUST AS WELL, EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING ONE... I DON'T WANT TO GO AROUND AND LOOK FOR ANYTHING ELSE TO EAT, EITHER, SO...

11 ANDREW: JUST AS WELL!

12 WORKER: YOU ORDERIN' A SUB OR WHAT?

Panel 4. Andrew has quickly turned around and is facing the worker of the eatery.  He is telling her what he wants on his sub, and she is just looking down at her work as she places what he wants on it.  Devon is looking away into the rest of the cafeteria.

13 ANDREW: YES, PLEASE! I'LL HAVE A PIZZA SUB. NOT TOO MUCH ON IT, JUST A SMALL BIT OF PEPPERONI AND SALAMI, AND TWO CHEESES.

14 WORKER: WANT THAT HEATED? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK?

15 ANDREW: AHH...YES PLEASE. AND I'LL TAKE A WATER.

Panel 5. A close shot of Devon face. He looks fairly calm, though also shows traces of sadness in his expression. It is a rather dark panel, and Devon is contemplating things within his head.

16 DEVON (thought): WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING...STAY THE SAME...?

PAGE TWENTY FIVE (five panels)


Panel 1.  Jason is sitting down at the table in the cafeteria with maria. He has his hand over his sub, which is on the table. A good amount is gone from the sub, with bite marks in it and pieces of bread and meat on the table. There is a can of Cola in front of him, too. Maria is sitting with her arms folded and on the table, a half empty bottle of water at her side (She is on the other side of the table, facing Jason).

1 JASON: REALLY? WELL THAT'S INTERESTING. REGARDLESS, I DON'T THINK I'LL BE GOING. WELL, IF IT'S TRUE, THAT IS. I'M NOT A PERSON FOR TRIPS LIKE THAT. THEY'RE TOO...BORING, I FIND.

2 MARIA: BORING? IT'LL ONLY BE A BIT OF FUN! I'D GO, BUT I HAVE TO DO SO MUCH CRAP THAT IT ISN'T FIT!

3 JASON: NOT MY TYPE OF FUN. AND IF YOU'RE...

Panel 2. Jason is looking over and behind Maria's shoulder to Andrew and Devon who are walking down to the table in the distance. They are both holding their food. Jason looks surprised, as if they had suddenly caught his attention.  Maria is looking back and over her shoulder, having turned around slightly to give her a better view.

4 JASON: THEY FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW UP. IT TOOK THEM LONG ENOUGH TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

Panel 3. Andrew and Devon and now both standing at the side of the table, looking down at Jason and Maria. Andrew has a sub and a bottle of water, while Devon has a bigger sub and a can of cola.

5 MARIA: 'EY! LOOK WHO DECIDED TO SHOW UP! IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT YOU'D ONLY BE TEN MINUTES?

6 ANDREW: SURE I WAS TEN MINUTES! IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU CAN'T TELL THE TIME!

7 JASON: DID YOU TWO HEAR ABOUT THE FIELD TRIP?

Panel 4. Devon and Andrew are taking a seat besides Jason. All three of them are facing Maria, who is the only one on the other side of the table. They are more of in the process of sitting down than actually having been sat down already. Andrew is looking curiously to Jason, interested in the idea. Devon is just looking to the table.

8 ANDREW: FIELD TRIP? WHAT FIELD TRIP? WHERE DID YOU HEAR THIS, NOW?

9 MARIA: I HEARD MS.HOLLANDER AND MR.TAUSS TALKING ABOUT IT ON THE WAY DOWN. THEY WERE STANDING IN THE HALLWAY  DISCUSSING IT WHEN I WAS PUTTING MY STUFF IN MY LOCKER.

10 JASON: I NEVER HEARD ABOUT IT UNTILL SHE TOLD ME.

Panel 5. Andrew is taking a bite of his sub while listening in on what Jason and Maria are saying to him.  He appears to be very interested, or at least more-so than normal, and has his gaze shifted to Maria.

11 ANDREW: BUT IT'S NOT FINAL...

12 ANDREW: AND DID YOU FIND OUT WHERE TO?

PAGE TWENTY SIX  (five panels)

Panel 1.  Maria has picked up her bottle of water and is holding it in her hand, about to take a drink of it.

1 MARIA: WELL, NOT REALLY. I DIDN'T WANT TO STAY THERE TOO LONG, BECAUSE THEY MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT THAT I WAS LISTENING IN...

2 MARIA: BUT FROM WHAT I DID HEAR, IT'S TO SOME ART MUSEUM...OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES. HA HA. I DIDN'T REALLY GET MUCH OUT OF IT. JUST HEARD THE BASICS, REALLY!


Panel 2. Maria is taking a long drink of her water, having the bottle tipped back on her head, while Jason has turned to Andrew and Devon, discussing to them about the trip.

3 JASON: YEAH, AND THAT'S BASICALLY ALL I KNOW, TOO. WELL, BESIDES THE FACT THAT I WON'T BE GOING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.  BUT DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE GOING? IF IT TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE, THAT IS.

4 ANDREW: AH...MAYBE. I DUNNO. I CAN'T REALLY GIVE A DEFINITE ANSWER 'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GOING AHEAD OR NOT. A LOT OF THIS STUFF GETS CANCELED OR CALLED OFF, DOESN'T IT?

5 JASON: YEAH, SOMETIMES. BUT I DOUBT THIS WOULD IF IT WERE REALLY GOING AHEAD.

6 SFX: GLUB GLUB

Panel 3. Maria is releasing her lips from the neck of the bottle, the action causing a “POP” or “SMACK” sound to be made. She is also taking in a long breath, and has appeared to enjoy the drink. The bottle is still nearly half full, though.

7 SFX: SMACK

8 MARIA: AHH!

Panel 4. Maria is looking over to Devon and pointing to him with her finger.  The bottle of water is still in her hand.

9 MARIA: SO WHAT ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU GOIN', DEVON?

10 DEVON: BUT WHAT IF IT DOESN'T...

11 MARIA: OKAY, LET'S JUST SAY IT DOES GO AHEAD. ARE YOU GOING THEN? I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE IF ENOUGH PEOPLE I KNOW GO I MIGHT SAY “SCREW IT” TO HOMEWORK AND GO ANYWAY!

Panel 5.  Devon has his hand placed upon his sub which is laying on the table, casting a small gaze to Maria rather than completely looking at her. His eyes seem dark, and almost scared, even.  He is holding a can of Cola in his hand, but it has barely lifted off of the surface of the table.

12 DEVON: ...

13 DEVON: I DON'T THINK SO...

PAGE TWENTY SEVEN (seven panels)

 Panel 1. Andrew has given Devon a hard hit on the back, though it is jokingly, and not meant to actually harm him. Pieces of food are flying from his mouth, and his hand has jutted forward and released the Cola he had been drinking, sending it on a direct path to Maria, and resulting in it crashing dead-center into her face. Andrew is looking very cheerful through all of this, and has his eyes closed, with his mouth wide open as he carries through with it all. Jason is just looking on, his eyes wide as he witnesses it all happen.

1 ANDREW: SURE YOU DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO ASK HIM THAT!  HA HA HA!

2 MARIA: AHHH!

3 JASON: ...

4 SFX: !!!

5 SFX: SLAM!

6 SFX: SPIT!

Panel 2. This is a full-frontal view of the two boys. Andrew is sitting, shocked. His eyes maybe displayed as two small, round circles, showing just how shocked he really is. He and Devon both are looking over in Maria's direction. Devon also appears to be shocked, though unlike Andrew, he is not sitting in a near up-right position. He is leaning forward more, and has drink running down his mouth and over his chin, with snot running down his nose. Andrew still has his hand placed on Devon's back. This is a comedic scene, and so serious, so the characters may be placed in a more innocent light here.

7 ANDREW: HAA....HA...CRAP.

8 DEVON: OOHH...

9 SFX: DRIP

10 SFX: DOOOOOM

Panel 2. This panel shows a small, quick shot of the floor and a bit of the edge of the table. We see that something has quickly shot up from the floor back to the table.

11 SFX: SPRING

Panel 3. Another small shot showing Maria's bottle of water being snatched from off of the table. However, it is being done so quick that it appears as nothing more than a blur.

12 SFX: SWIPE

Panel 4. Maria is furiously swinging the bottle of water at Jason, Andrew and Devon. Water is gushing out in a blade-like fashion as she swings the bottle hard. The water has already collided with three of the boys bodies. Andrew and Devon are trying to back away as the water crashes against their bodies, while Jason is edging his way towards the edge of his seat.  Maria has been thrown into a raging fit, and she appears nearly demonic. This is yet another comedic scene.

13 SFX: SLOOSH

14 ANDREW: AHH! WHAT THE HELL!? MARIA!!!

15 DEVON: WHAT DID I DO!?

16 JASON: I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!!!

17 MARIA: I'LL SOAK THE LOT OF YE!!! I JUST GOT DRESSED AND NOW I NEED TO CHANGE AGAIN!!!

Panel 5. A small panel showing Maria vanishing from her seat. Only a small trail of dust is left where she once sat.

18 SFX: DMP!

Panel 6. This panel shows a silhouette of Maria flying through the air, the only visible thing being her shimmering white eyes, giving her a menacing flair. We the reader are looking up at her from the ground as she falls through the air. She is holding the bottle in her hand and is completely covered in shadow. This is yet another comedic scene, though it gives the impression of being dark, serious, and dangerous (through Maria's look).

19 SFX: DOOOOOOOM!!!

Panel 7. Small panel showing a shot of Andrew's pupil, which has now shrunk to near the size of a grain of sand, due to shock.

20 SFX: !!!

PAGE TWENTY EIGHT (five panels)

Panel 1.  Maria has forcefully planted her fist into Andrews face, this being the same hand she had been holding the bottle of water in. Jason and Devon appear to be very shocked, and are pushing themselves back in an attempt to get away from both Maria and Andrew. Because of the force of Maria's punch, Andrew is thrown back a bit, his hands sprawled off in both directions.

1 JASON: ****...!

2 DEVON: ...!

3 ANDREW: GACK!

4 SFX: SLAM!

5 MARIA: I'LL PUT THIS DAMN BOTTLE OF WATER RIGHT THROUGH YOUR FACE!!!

Panel 2. Andrew looks dazed, his face covered in a large bruise with blood trickling down over the side of his mouth and also out of his nose. It may appear as though his cheeks have swollen up, too. The bottle of water Maria had been holding is now jammed into his mouth, and Maria has grasped him by the collar of his sweater and is readying herself to punch him again (her fist reeled back). Maria still appears to be very angry, and nearly demonic, though in a more comedic light, as it has been since the ordeal started. Devon and Jason are flinging themselves at Maria in an attempt to stop her, and have their arms stretched out as if to grasp at her.

6 JASON: MARIA GIRL! HE DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT!

7 MARIA: I DON'T CARE! I'M WET THANKS TO HIM, AND I'LL MAKE 'EM PAY FOR IT!!!

8 DEVON: WAIT!!!

Panel 3. This is a view of the cafeteria ceiling. It's as if we are fading away from the current scene.

9 ANDREW: SAVE ME! GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!! JASON!!!

10 JASON: MARIA!

11 DEVON: AH! DON'T HIT ME! WAIT!

12 MARIA: LET GO OR I'LL GET YOU, TOO!

13 JASON: WILL YOU JUST WAIT FOR A MINUTE!?!?

14 MARIA: NEVER!!!

Panel 4. The scene has shifted to the secretary's office. It is a rather empty room, with a L-shaped counter jutting out from the wall. Behind the counter is a desk with a computer sitting atop it, and many documents, pieces of paper, pens, etc. There is also a phone, mugs, and all the other types of accessories you may find in a school secretaries office to the side resting on another counter.  Andrew, Devon, Maria and Jason are leaning against the brick wall, and are seated upon a chair each. They are all soaking wet, and have bruises on their faces, stains and pieces of food on their clothing and hair, etc. Andrews face is still swollen up, and he still remains in his dazed state. Jason looks fairly calm, though holds a hint of confusion, and Devon has a blank stare, almost as if he doesn't know what's going on. Maria has a half-smile, and has a red mark on her face from where the bottle hit her.

15 MS.OOVERA: UNBELIEVABLE. TO THINK THAT THREE OF OUR STUDENTS WOULD BE REDUCED TO THIS. WHAT DO YOU THINK WE RUN HERE, A ZOO!?

Panel 5. A big panel showing Ms. Verna Oovera, the schools primary Secretary and teacher alike. She appears to be quite old (in her 50's), and is wearing a gray business suit  that is open along with a blouse that is of the same color. Her hair is held in a bundle, and is skewered by 3-4 pencils to keep it that way. Her nose is pierced through the mid point by what appears to be three mechanical pencil leads .Her ears are pierced by earrings that look like the rubber off of the back of a wooden pencil. She is standing with a stern look on her face as she gazes down upon the four students.

16 MS.OOVERA: I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT BETTER OF YOU, ANDREW! AND ESPECIALLY YOU, DEVON! YOU DIDN'T COME HERE TO LEARN ANYTHING, DID YOU? YOU ALL CAME JUST TO FOOL AROUND! WELL YOU CAME TO THE WRONG PLACE! FOOLISHNESS SHALL NOT BE TOLERATED!

PAGE TWENTY NINE (six panels)

Panel 1. Maria is speaking up. Devon, Andrew and Jason looking to her as she does so. She appears to be quite happy for the situation she is in, and bears a smile.

1 MARIA: BUT MS., WE WERE ONLY HAVING A BIT OF FUN, GIRL! I MEAN C'MON, IT'D BE A DIFFERENT STORY NOW IF WE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING BAD!

Panel 2. Verna is yelling at them, and all four of the students are forced back in fright, their eyes wide in shock.

2 MS.OOVERA: DON'T BACK-TALK ME!

3 MS.OOVERA: THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN FUN AND FOOLISHNESS, AND YOU'VE ALL CROSSED IT!!!

Panel 3. A panel showing Mr. Leon Tauss standing over to the corner, his back against the wall as he casts a gaze their way. He is quite stern looking, yet manages holds a calmness about him. He is wearing a white lab coat spotted with blobs of paint, and has short hair.

4 MS.OOVERA (op): IT'S A GOOD THING MR.TAUSS SEE YOU FOUR WHEN HE DID, ELSE THE ENTIRE CAFETERIA MAY HAVE ENDED UP IN SUCH A SIMILAR STATE AS YOURSELVES!

Panel 4. Ms. Verna Oovera has her arms folded across her breasts, and is staring down at the four with narrow eyes. She seems to be thoroughly pissed off.

5 MS.OOVERA: SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'D BEST LET YOU ALL GO AND CLEAN YOURSELVES UP. THERE WOULD BE NO POINT IN SAYING ALL OF THIS IF I WERE TO LET YOU ALL REMAIN IN SUCH A STATE.

Panel 5. A shot of Andrew, Jason, Maria and Devon. All look shocked. Jason seems least shocked of them all, while Maria seems near happy.

6 MS.OOVERA (op): I'LL GIVE YOU TWENTY MINUTES. THAT'S IT! ONCE THAT TIME IS UP, I'LL CALL YOU ALL BACK DOWN HERE ONCE AGAIN TO DECIDE UPON YOUR PUNISHMENT. TAKE ANY LONGER, OR JUST DECIDE NOT TO COME, AND WE'LL SEND FOR YOU.  TRY AND HIDE, AND THE PUNISHMENT WILL BE TEN TIMES MORE SEVERE!

Panel 6.  Shows a picture of the clock. It is shaped like a painting pallet, with two brushes representing the minute and hour hand. The time shown is 3:45.

7 MS.OOVERA (op): SO GO ON, HURRY UP AND GET READY.  I'M GOING TO START TIMING YOU NOW!

8 MARIA: (op): C'MON WILL YA, GET UP!

9 ANDREW (op): GACK! WATCH OUT! YOUR ON MY FOOT!

10 JASON: (op): JEEZ...

PAGE THIRTY (six panels)

Panels 1. Verna has her hand pressed against her forehead as if she were calming herself, and attempting to cope with a great deal of stress. Her head is titled towards the ground, and her other hand is wrapped around the front of her, grasping her opposite side.

1 MS.OOVERA: MY, OH MY...WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THOSE FOUR?  THEY SAY THAT THEY'RE FOOLING AROUND, BUT SUCH ACTIONS CAN DEGENERATE A PERSON INTO REGARDING ALL SIMILAR ACTS AS A JOKE...
THEY NEED TO BE MORE SERIOUS REGARDING THEIR TIME SPENT HERE-

2 MR.TAUSS: IT'S QUITE THE OPPOSITE, VERNA.

Panel 2. Verna has shifted her gaze to Mr. Leon Tauss.

3 MS. OOVERA: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY “THE OPPOSITE”? I THINK THAT I SPEAK THE TRUTH!

Panel 3. Mr. Leon Tauss is now standing tall, his head turned in the direction of Verna.

4 MR.TAUSS: IT'S JUST AS I SAID, AND I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH YOU ON THE MATTER. YOU'RE WRONG, AND THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO IT. I'M SORRY TO PUT IT SO BLUNTLY, BUT IT'S TRUE.

5 MR. TAUSS: THEIR TIME SPENT HERE IS STRESSFUL ENOUGH AS IT IS. JUST THINK ABOUT ALL OF THE THINGS THEY MUST CONSIDER, AND EVERYTHING THEY ARE FACED WITH EACH AND EVERY DAY. THEY MAY LOSE THEIR LIFE AT ANY GIVEN TIME, AND MAY BE CALLED AWAY IN A MOMENTS NOTICE.

Panel 4. A panel showing Ms. Verna Oovera's face. She seems to have lightened up a bit, and is thinking hard about what Leon is saying to her. Though her eyebrows may be arched down, showing that she still remains quite confused.

6 MR. TAUSS: OF EVERYTHING THEY HAVE WORKED FOR IN LIFE...THEY MAY LOSE IT IN AN INSTANT. I SHALL AGREE THAT A SERIOUS MOOD MUST BE TAKEN UPON THE BATTLEFIELD, BUT WITHIN THE SCHOOL AND DURING THEIR TIME OF REST...THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO JUST ENJOY LIFE AND THE TIME THEY SPEND WITH THEIR FRIENDS.

Panel 5. Leon and Verna are still facing one and other.

7 MR. TAUSS: YOU USED TO STRESS SUCH THOUGHTS, DID YOU NOT? THEN WHY HAVE YOU FALTERED? IS IT BECAUSE SUCH STUDENTS TEND TO CAUSE THE MOST DESTRUCTION? BECAUSE YOU COULD NO LONGER BEAR TO SEE THEM DESTROY THEIR SURROUNDINGS FOR “FUN”? BECAUSE “IT WAS ONLY A JOKE”?

8 MR. TAUSS: FUN AND FOOLISHNESS ARE DIVIDED BY A FINE LINE, AS YOU HAVE PREVIOUSLY SAID...

Panel 6. This is a close-up of Leon's face. Maybe even just his eyes. He seems very serious, and dark, as if he is stressing his words to the highest degree.

9 MR. TAUSS: BUT YOU'RE BEGINNING TO CONFUSE BOTH OF THEM WITH ONE AND OTHER. WHAT THEY HAVE DONE IS HARMLESS, AND STILL WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF “FUN”.

10 MR. TAUSS: YOU'RE CONFUSING THE ACTIONS OF THOSE WHO MEAN HARM, BUT CALL IT “FUN”...WITH THOSE WHO MEAN GOOD AND ARE TRULY ENJOYING THEMSELVES IN A POSITIVE WAY.

PAGE THIRTY ONE (six panels)

Panel 1. Verna is standing there, her arms folded neatly. She looks more relaxed, and holds a bit of confusion in her expression. She is giving Leon an odd look.

Panel 2. We are bellow and behind Leon, and it is as if we are looking up at Verna from the bottom portion of the wall he is standing at. Verna has begun talking to him once again.

1 MS.OOVERA: IT WAS YOU WHO CAUGHT AND SENT THEM OFF TO SEE ME, WASN'T IT? IF YOU INTENDED TO SIDE WITH THEM ANYWAY, WHY DID YOU EVEN BOTHER TO BRING THEM IN?

Panel 3. A quick shot of Leon smiling. He appears to have given away the answer just through this single action.

Panel 4. Verna, having finally pieced together the puzzle within her mind, and after witnessing Leon's grin, is taken back in slight surprise.

2 MS.OOVERA (thinking): VERY OBSERVANT... HE MANAGED TO SEE THE FAULT IN MY PERSONALITY, AND USED THOSE FOUR AS A TOOL TO  KEEP ME IN CHECK. HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THEM FOOLING AROUND TO BEGIN WITH.

3 MS. OOVERA (thinking): THERE ARE THOSE WHO COMMIT ACTS OF VIOLENCE AND VANDALIZATION, BRANDING IT AS A “JOKE” OR AS BEING “ONLY A BIT OF FUN”. THEN THERE ARE THOSE PEOPLE, SUCH AS THOSE FOUR, WHO ARE TRULY HAVING FUN AND BLAMED FOR COMMITING A CRIME.

Panel 5. Verna is walking in behind the desk, placing her hands on a bundle of papers, her head slightly turned towards Leon.

4 MS.OOVERA: I SUPPOSE IT'S A GOOD THING WE HAVE YOU AROUND, THEN. BUT DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO LET THEM OFF THE HOOK THAT EASILY.

Panel 6. Leon has stood tall, and is facing Verna. Maybe this is even just a picture of his head.

5 MR.TAUSS: OH DON'T WORRY, I DIDN'T THINK THAT YOU WOULD. I JUST FOUND THEM TO BE A PRIME EXAMPLE, AND AN OPPORTUNITY THAT COULD NOT BE MISSED.

6 MR TAUSS: IT'S JUST THAT TO DO THIS SCHOOL ANY JUSTICE, ALL TEACHERS AND INSTRUCTORS MUST REMAIN WITHIN THE SAME BASIC STATE OF MIND.


PAGE THIRTY TWO (five panels)

Panel 1. Yet another small , close-up shot of Leon's eyes. They looks dark, serious, and hold a certain sinister flair to them.

1 MR. TAUSS: AND SINCE YOU ARE ALSO ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, AND NOT JUST A TEACHER, YOU CAN NOT LET YOURSELF BE SO EASILY SWAYED.

Panel 2. Verna is stacking the papers, tapping them off of the table to make sure they line up with one and other, thus evening them out. She seems to be ignoring Leon. This is a slightly comedic scene.

2 MS.OOVERA: VERY WELL.

3 MR. TAUSS: YOU'RE NOT TALKING ME AS SERIOUS AS YOU SHOULD BE, ARE YOU?

4 MS OOVERA: NOPE.

5 MR. TAUSS: FIGURES...

6 SFX: SIGH.

Panel 3. A panel showing a downwards view of the papers  Verna was recently holding. It is a list with check marks next to the different options printed, showing that they have been completed. Not all of the lines of text are ticked. Verna still has her hand upon the page.

7 MS. OOVERA: NOW...WHERE CAN I PUT THESE?

8 SFX: BEEP BEEP BEEP~

Panel 4. A statue of a mans head, his mouth open and eyes closed, is part of the messaging system linking the main secretary's office to that of Leopold's and Leonardo's, along with the rest of the school. The stone head has a circular slot on it's forehead with and eye shaped button within that is blinking.  It had been previously closed, and only opens when there is a message or it needs to be pressed (through a different switch). It is jutting out of the wall, and had been previously hidden by a tall shelf beside Verna's desk that has the computer on it.

9 VOICE: HELLO? CENTRAL OFFICE? THIS IS HEAD SECRETARIAN FOR MR.LEONARDO. IF ANYONE IS THERE, PLEASE RESPOND IMMEDIATELY. THIS IS URGEANT.

Panel 5. Leon and Verna are both facing the messaging system (the stone head). Leon looks as if he had been about to leave, and suddenly turned around, and Verna is still holding on to the papers and has also made a quick, yet not so sudden turn around.

10 MS.OOVERA: YES, I'M HERE. WHAT IS IT?

PAGE THIRTY THREE (four panels)

Panel 1. A panel showing Andrew standing beside his bed, a striped black and white shirt in his hands. He is wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, and has no other articles of clothing on.

1 ANDREW: THIS ONE WILL DO, I SUPPOSE...

Panel 2. Maria is standing in front of her mirror, gazing into it and looking back at herself as she fixes her hair back into a pony tail. There are multiple brushes, bottles of hair spray, gel, etc. on her desk, as well as chains, coins, rings, pens, paper, etc. She has a towel around herself, and appears as though she had just gotten out of the shower.

2 MARIA: THERE! NOW IF I HAVE TO GET CHANGED AGAIN AFTER THIS, HEADS'LL ROLL!

Panel 3. Devon is sitting leisurely against at the side of his bed, his back against the wall. He is lazy-eyed and is gazing up to the clock on his wall. He is now wearing a pair of black shorts and a white strap shirt.

Panel 4. Jason is lying back in his bed, leaning back and fiddling around with his laptop. Numerous windows are open (on the computer screen). He has also changed his clothes, and his hair may even still be a bit wet from where he had recently washed it. He is now wearing a red sweater, has a pair of head phones around his neck, and has a black wind pants on.

3 JASON (whisper): I SOMETIMES HAVE TO WONDER...

4 SFX: CLICK CLICK

5 SFX: TIK TIK TIK TIK

PAGE THIRTY FOUR (six panels)

Panel 1. We are back at the secretary's office, and Leon appears to be quite disgusted with something. He is standing in front of the L-shaped desk with Verna behind it. His head is lowered slightly, and he is casting a stern gaze to Verna. Verna is writing various things down on a sheet of paper. The pen she is holding is moving furiously.

1 MR. TAUSS: SO IS THIS THE PUNISHMENT YOU ARE GOING TO CAST UPON THEM? FOR SOMETHING SO SMALL? THAT'S REDICULOUS! I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF THEY HAD DONE SOMETHING SERIOUS, BUT FOR THIS?

2 MS. OOVERA: NO, I'M AFRAID THAT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS WRONG THIS TIME AROUND, MR. TAUSS.

Panel 2. We are positioned down near Verna's waist-level and are looking up at her as she speaks.

3 MS. OOVERA: THEY ARE THE ONLY STUDENTS READILY AVAILABLE, AND THAT WE KNOW WILL BE ABLE TO BE DISPATCHED. TO SEARCH FOR THREE OR MORE STUDENTS AT THEIR CALUBUR AT A TIME LIKE THIS WOULD TAKE FAR TOO LONG. THEY KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO BE CALLED BACK, AND THEY WILL BE READY.

Panel 3. This is a panel meant to show the reader what Verna had been scribbling down upon a piece of paper. Two names are visible, though they are very scratchy, as they had been written down in a hurry. Two names are visible, though sketchy.  Everything else written is too messy to read. What can be read are the names “William and Lloyd Kennedy”.

4 MS.OOVERA: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PUNISHMENT I WAS GOING TO GIVE THEM. WITH EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED, IT WOULD ONLY HAVE LIKELY BEEN AN HOUR OF SUSPENSION, OR A BIT OF CLEAN-UP DUTY. BUT THIS IS MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT.

Panel 4. Mr. Tauss seems to have grown weary and tired, though still clings on to his visage of seriousness. He has come to grips with the truth, and can;t really think of any other alternative.

5 MR. TAUSS: I WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO DISAGREE WITH YOU...BUT I CAN'T. I KNOW THAT IT'S TRUE. WHEN DO THEY DEPART?

Panel 5. Verna is now standing next to the stone head, her arm reaching out and her finger extended to press the eye-shaped button on it's forehead. It's mouth is now closed.

6 MS. OOVERA: IMMEDIATELY. AND IF THE SITUATION DEVELOPS MORE-SO OUT OF CONTROL, WE MAY ALSO NEED TO SEND ONE OF THE AVAILABLE INSTRUCTORS AS WELL.

7 MR. TAUSS: BUT WE NEED TO ALLOW THE STUDENTS A CHANCE AT HANDELING IT, FIRST...

Panel 6. Ms. Oovera is pressing in on the eye.

8 SFX: PRESS

9 MS. OOVERA: EXACTLY.

PAGE THIRTY FIVE (two panels)

Panel 1. A panel showing Andrew, turning his head as he hears his name. He had been  watching TV, and is sitting in a chair in front of the television that is placed on top of his dresser.

1 MS. OOVERA: ANDREW.

2 ANDREW: UGH...

Panel 2. A panel showing Devon, who now has his head tilted slightly to the side to see the messaging system on his wall.

3 MS. OOVAERA: DEVON.

Panel 3. A small, front-view depiction of Jason's face. The light of his computer screen is illuminating his face in a dim light, and he has his eyes turned in the direction of the messaging system.

4 MS. OOVAERA: JASON.

5 JASON: CRAP...

Panel 4. Maria has a sucker in her mouth, and is still fiddling around with her hair.  She looks a tad surprised as she looks to the side.

6 MS OOVERA: MARIA.

7 MARIA: WHAT THE HELL? THAT WASN'T TWENTY MINUTES!

Panel 5. Fills the entire bottom half of the page, and shows a young man in the corner of a dark, dank room holding a bloody knife. There are pools of blood around him and he is weeping.

8 MS. OOVERA: ALL FOUR OF YOU, GET YOURSELVES READY AND HEAD DOWN TO MY OFFICE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

9 MS OOVERA: YOU'VE GOT AN ASSIGNMENT.

[fruckert]

This sounds like a script
And, just my personal quarrel, your speech looks WAY too loud. I keep thinking everyone's yelling
Other than that it sounds good

[Ephiam]

Woot~! Thank you for the comment there, Fruckert! And yeah, ha ha. That part (dealing with the loud-sounding speech) comes from the comic book format example I was looking at. It said to have all of the dialogue in capitals. I'll probably go back and change it after, but I'm just going to continue writing it like this for now.

[Prpl_Mage]

Maria is wearing a black skirt with a black vest over  a white dress shirt.  She is wearing black, leather boots and has long hair that is shoulder length, her bang being pushed to the left side of her head and being held there with a clip.

HA HA. I'VE GOTTA GO BACK AND GET READY, ANYWAY.  I'M JUST BACK FROM RUNNIN', SO I'VE GOT TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES AND STUFF.

Ok... Did she went for some jogging in a skirt and black leather boots? I just can't seem to get that to work.

Anyway, Maria seems like the most cliché character so far unfortunatly. I like those teachers/whatever they are though.

[Ephiam]

Ha...ha ha ha ha ha! I never even noticed that! Yah, now that it has been pointed out to me, it does seem...very weird. Ha ha. Jeex, I guess I'll have to take another gander at that later. =X

But then again...

Nah.


Most of these (well, nearly ALL of them) characters are based on people I know; My friends, teachers, etc. The only exception being...Mr.Leopold. And that's about it. Ha ha. The others are basically complete copies of my friends. I guess I just thought it would be much easier to come up with 'em that way than just making up my own personality for them.  It could be the person I've based Maria on...or it may just me me. More than likely it's the later, but eh. I'm trying my best to get 'em right! Hopefully she'll be better in the future.

But that just seems like an excuse doesn't it? It does! Agh! I'll never escape it!

And thanks. I'm glad you like the teachers! Though I guess it's only Leon and Verna, as they're the only ones to have been really introduced thus far.