Chuck Norris Jokes

[Ben]

I tried to think of something better but this was the best I could make out of it!

pretty much sums everything up.

[Razor]

Less lame Gemini/Drace conversation and more lame Chuck Norris crap kthx

[Dragonium]

Chicago Ted jokes are better.

Chicago Ted turns Smokers into Flamers.

Chicago Ted throws Tanks at alarm cars.

Chicago Ted startles the Witch, and that bitch is grateful.

That's all I got.

[X_marks_the_ed]

Damn, I dont even know who this Chicago Ted dude is.

Exactly. It's not constantly referred to, therefore it automatically wins.

[Drace]

Hmmm... I can't wiki Chicago Ted. Weird.

[X_marks_the_ed]

Hmmm... I can't wiki Chicago Ted. Weird.

Duh. Otherwise the zombies would find him.

[Archem]

I was the original Chicago Ted. Dunno what all you fags are talking about.

Although I do remember that tank-at-alarm-car thing vaguely...

[Red Giant]

I was the original Chicago Ted.

Everyone who owns the game has used that username at some point and you know it.


Chicago Ted can bite zombies and turn them into people.

[Archem]

Everyone who owns the game has used that username at some point and you know it.


Chicago Ted can bite zombies and turn them into people.

**** you, I did it first.

[Musha]

Jesus walked on water, but Chuck Norris swam through land.
The only man who has ever outsmarted Chuck Norris is Stephen Hawking...and he got what he deserved.
There are only two things in the world that can cut diamonds ... other diamonds and Chuck Norris.
Thr Rock can't smell what chuck Norris is cooking.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Rocky Balboa may eat thunder and crap lightning, but Chuck Norris was the one who brought the thunder.

[Legacy of Elecrusher]

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if I woodchuck's named Chuck Norris?

[Musha]

Chuck Norris invented the fist.  Before that, people used to just poke each other with their fingertips.

[HobomasterXXX]

    * Chicago Ted always sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
    * Chicago Ted once had both legs chewed off by a zombie, he still managed to get up and walk it off.
    * Some say his testicles hold both his souls. Others say his souls crushed 53,595 zombies alone, 2 weeks before the infection. All we know is, NO zombie is safe from Chicago Ted.
    * If Chicago Ted has 5 bullets in his m16, and you have 5 bullets in yours, he has more.
    * Chicago Ted's hair color is an yet uninvented color.
    * Oxygen is actually Chicago Ted's flatulence.
    * Computers viruses are a myth. It's Chicago Ted booting his computer.
    * Police once pulled Chicago Ted over for high speeding.

      Chicago Ted let the police go with a warning.
    * Some say he is made of lemon custard. Others, that he simultaneously moonlights as both a Tank AND a smoker. All we know is, he's called Chicago Ted.
    * They say Chicago Ted isn't actually immune to the disease which causes the infection. No, the infection is just so scared of him it refuses to enter his body.
    * Witches turn their lights off around Chicago Ted.
    * When Boomers vomit on him he sets himself on fire, and laughs at the horde.
    * When a Tank throws a chunk of concrete at him he shoots it out of the air and proceeds to melee the tank to death.
    * When Smokers try to lasso him, he grabs their tongues and pulls them to HIM instead.
    * When Hunters jump on him he flips them over, pins them to the ground, and rips out their teeth one at a time.
    * The witch is always crying because she knows Chicago Ted is coming.
    * Chicago Ted is the reason zombies jump off the side of the building.
    * Chicago Ted once fought a tank that was the only tank to ever face him
    * Chicago Ted wears no clothes, only dead zombie carcasses.
    * They say that Chicago Ted actually poops out pipebombs.
    * The cure to the infection is Chicago Ted's tears, but chicago ted never cries.
    * Chicago Ted once drank a molotov while it was on fire
    * Chicago ted once tried to make a baby but it didn't work because his sperm is 50% acid, 50% Shotgun Bullets.
    * Chicago Ted doesn't sleep. He waits.
    * Chicago Ted barfs on Boomers, and the horde attacks them.
    * Chicago Ted isn't immune to the infection, he started the infection.
    * If Chicago Ted accidentally team shoots you, he kills you just to finish the job.
    * Chicago Ted was so mean, he gouged out the Witch's eyes and replaced them with bloodied up lightbulbs.
    * Chicago Ted is so strong, he pumped steroids into the Tank in an attempt to even the playing-field.
    * Chicago Ted once strangled a smoker with his own tongue.
    * If Chicago Ted hits you in game, it uninstalls steam and deletes your account forever.
    * The witch takes care not to alert Chicago Ted.
    * Most survivors have to shove zombies when they get too close. Chicago Ted punches clean through them.
    * Chicago Ted throws chunks of pavement at tanks.
    * On rare occasions, Chicago Ted throws tanks at the pavement.
    * Chicago Ted pounces on, and proceeds to disembowel hunters.
    * Chicago Ted is the reason Churchguy is hiding.
    * Chicago Ted once killed a tank using his own intestines
    * Hunters don't pounce on Chicago Ted, Chicago Ted pounces on Hunters
    * Chicago Ted once saved my life and later decided i wasn't worth the ammo and proceeded to kill me.
    * Only one zombie, a witch, ever managed to lay a finger on Chicago Ted. This was not some mere lapse in judgment on the part of Chicago Ted- but rather a successful go at a bet with several other survivors. They bet him a first-aid kit that he couldn't *ahem* ride the witch. Needless to say, he won the bet.

      On a side note, this is exactly why the witch is crying.

      On another side note, he didn't use the med-kit on himself. After dismembering the last of a zombie horde, he likes to patch them up, and use the bodies for sadistic puppet-shows.
    * Chicago Ted gave birth to his father and mother
    * The infection is around because Chicago Ted needed something to kill. God promptly made the virus that started the infection.
    * Chicago Ted causes zombies to burst into flames by looking at them.
    * Chicago Ted killed every zombie on expert with no guns. He rarely even used his fists.
    * The Health Packs left behind at every table are simply the ones discarded by Chicago Ted; Chicago Ted doesn't need extra health to finish campaigns.
    * Once made a tank cry by saying something unpleasant about its mum.
    * Whispers the song, "I believe I can fly" into his victims ear before he delivers the final blow.
    * Chicago Ted doesn't startle the witch, he merely turns her on.
    * The screamer Infected was Cut from L4D Because Chicago Ted killed them all.
    * When he leaves a safehouse, he bars the doors from the inside, so there's no turning back.
    * He drags a Smoker around to be enjoyed like a fine cigar.
    * Even Chuck Norris takes a few pointers from him.
    * His shirts never wrinkle, nor stain with blood.
    * A Tank once asked him what his workout routine was.
    * He is left-handed. And right-handed, and can akimbo shotguns, and reload them at the same time.
    * Chicago Ted doesn't wear shirts.
      He wears the skin of his slain enemies.
    * Chicago Ted can turn milk to cheese just by staring at it and his favorite drink is petrol...
    * Chicago Ted doesn't actually use bullets he simply makes the zombies kill themselves when he points his guns at them


Copy pastin bitches.

[Archem]

Oh snap, Chicago Ted is Chuck Norris in disguise!

[Apex]

Who is Mr. T in another disguise.