The Big Emerald

[X_marks_the_ed]

*Ed smashes his way out of the ball.*

Ed: I AM NOT FOR DIE!
*Stares at frozen Lucas.*

Ed: Hm...
*Watches Warxe walk away.*
Ed: Hey!
*Warxe turns back.*
Ed: Dance your cares away.

[Bluhman]

*Warxe is running along with the emerald. Suddenly, Chisoku appears!*
Chisoku: You there! Dead Bluhman sent me to get that emerald back where it belongs.
Warxe: Dead Bluhman?
Chisoku: Yeah. He was stabbed through the heart with a poison blade.
Bluhman: *Peeks out from behind a random building* Yes, it is most grievous.
Chisoku: May his soul rest in piece
Bluhman: Yes... Now, avenge my death, Chisoku! *Goes back behind the corner*
Warxe: What the... If Bluhman is dead, then why is-
Chisoku: He's dead! OK?! *Kicks Warxe across the face, takes the emerald, and drives off on his motorcycle, with Bluhman jumping on the seat behind him.*
Warxe:... What... The... Fuuuuu.....
Chisoku: Bluhman... I will revive you with the power of this emerald!
Bluhman: That's my boy!
Chisoku: Thanks. Though... Are you really dead?
Bluhman: YES. I AM SLAIN. *Points to the poison blade still embedded inside his torso*
Chisoku: Oh. Very well.

[X_marks_the_ed]

Ed: I want this game to live!!!
*fires a beam at the motorcycle, causing it to explode.*

[Grandy]

*emerald flies out of the explosion, and falls directly in Grandy's pocket*
Grandy: What an absurd coincidence!

*runs*

[X_marks_the_ed]

*Knocks Squirtle away as Ed surfs on an invisible surfboard after Grandy.*

Ed: landboard, transform!
*transforms into a bulldozer.*
*Ed rolls after Grandy.*

[fruckert]

*Fruckert walks in*
Fruck: Eh...what's going on?
*Grandy runs into me*
*I get a hold of the emerald*
Fruck: Uh...wut?

[X_marks_the_ed]

*fruckert is hit with a beam from the sky.*

fruckert: GAHHHHHHHHHH
Ed: This is it, final attack!
*Ed leaps out of the bulldozer and spins, colliding into fruckert, pushing both of them into a tree.*
Ed: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY!? THAT EMERALD IS THE KEY TO DESTROYING THE ARMY!"
frcukert: You're trying to fight an army now?
Ed: No. I'm here to revive Bluhman.

[fruckert]

Fruckert: Ah...okay...here you go

[Grandy]

*yoinks emerald*

Grandy: I'm sorry my dear friends, but if you want the amazing power of this emerald, you'll need to pay... *points pinky finger to mouth* A BILLION DOLLARS!! *dramatic zoom*

[Dragonium]

*Camera zooms back out*

Grandy: And now to make my dastardly getaway with the... wait, what?

*Dragonium has already escaped with the emerald, moved to Cuba, and founded a crime racket smuggling gerbils into Italy*

[Legacy of Elecrusher]

Captain Ultimate Loverboy Bill: *casts Life 3 on topic*

Unfortunately for Dragonium, CULB is now the dictator of Cuba and has cut off all outside connections, building a literal titanium wall around the island. His smuggling organization crumbles and he now much work his wages by begging for pepperonis off of the side of the road and then selling them to the local pizza parlor. CULB offers an escape...

CULB: The emerald for this case of a billion cubanian bills (the new currency of Cuba) that is totally not really a time bomb. *quickly swaps the case for the emerald and runs like hell*

Citizens of the island see a random beggar holding a briefcase explode.

[WarxePB]

Warxe: *grabs CULB's collar* Listen here, buddy. You give me the emerald, and I won't break your legs.
CULB: And if I don't?
Warxe: Hmm... haven't used summoning arts in a while. *summons Grandma CULB*
CULB: Not Grandmammy?!
Warxe: Not only that, but she's time-displaced. If I kill her, you cease to exist!
CULB: ...No! I still won't hand over the emerald!
Warxe: You're a tough egg to crack, it seems. Very well then. This might kill you a little! *stabs Grandma CULB, killing her*
CULB: NOOOooooo... wait, I didn't cease to exist.
Warxe: I must have summoned an alternate Grandma CULB. Guess my aim's a bit rusty.
Dragonium: *runs in from the distance* Hey, I want that emerald back! You took it from me offscreen!
CULB: Never! *runs like hell*
Drag: Come back he-, wait, why is there a dead old woman on the ground?
Warxe: She had terminal cancer.
Drag: Ah, I see. Uh, shouldn't we run after that guy?
Warxe: No need. 5...4...3...2...1. *at 1, CULB falls down a hole* My summoning's a bit rusty, but my precognition's spot on.
Drag: You're kind of a Mary Sue.
Warxe: I resent being called Sue!
Drag: But not Mary?
Warxe: Let's just say that drinking five bottles of absinthe over a two-hour period is not a smart idea. Anyways, uh... I'm gonna go get that emerald. And since I'm controlling this post, you're not going to do anything about it.
Drag: Okay. *twiddles thumbs*
*Warxe jumps in the hole, and reappears a few minutes later with the emerald in hand.*
Drag: Uh, still not doing anything.
Warxe: Good. *walks away*

[Bluhman]

*Warxe gets kicked from just offscreen. By Chisoku*
Chisoku: I, however, am. Sorry, dude, but I've got an old friend to revive. *Takes the emerald, and runs off onto a plane back to Roosevelt City*
Warxe: Ow... Darnit, the emerald's on the run again! Come on Drag, we've got a plane to catch!
Drag:...What? Oh, right-o!
*Warxe and Dragonium run for the plane, but then suddenly the plane catapults into the sky and flies off to america.*
Warxe: Shoot! Now we're stuck here!
Drag: If only we could find somebody to take us...
*Suddenly, Giligan pulls in on a boat in the docks and looks over to Warxe and Dragonium.*
Giligan: Hey, need a ride?
Warxe: Sure, thanks!
Drag: I do not see how this could possibly go wrong.
(Meanwhile, back in Roosevelt City, USA)
Chisoku: It is time for us to revive Bluhman!
Tri-Emerald: Are you sure this will work?
Chisoku: No question about it. I asked Bluhman, personally.
Bluhman: Yes, and after that, we can return the emerald to the museum and this whole fiasco can be put to rest.
Tri-Emerald: Why are you talking if you're dead?
Bluhman: JUST ACCEPT IT, OKAY? Also, your prescense in this game is going to make things very weird now...
Tri-Emerald:...
*Bluhman is revived with some crazy naked dancing ritual thing. Whatever.*
Bluhman: Now I'm alive! Come on, gang, let's return this jewel!
E'vryone: Yay.
*Ev'ryone gets into Bluhman's car and drives to the museum... When SUDDENLY....*

[WarxePB]

***

Marik: Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...
Odion: Master Marik, we should be arriving in Domino City in approximately 4 episodes.
Marik: Excellent! That gives us time for at least 1 children's card game.
Gilligan: Wait, where's the skipper?
Marik: I AM the skipper! And he's Gilligan.
Warxe: Then that makes me the doctor?
Dragonium: And I'm the rich guy!
Warxe: Gah. Enough of this pop culture mishmash. *teleports away*
Dragonium: Hey, wait for me!
*A giant typhoon forms*
Dragonium: What a surprising and unavoidable end!

***

*Ev'ryone gets into Bluhman's car and drives to the museum... When SUDDENLY....*
Warxe: *appears in the middle of the road* BWAHAHAHAHA! I'M WARXE!
Bluhman: OSHI- *swerves to dodge Warxe*
Warxe: No museum can contain the power of the Big Emerald. Only my vaguely defined plan to unlock the power of the Emerald and conquer the world makes true use of the Emerald.
Bluhman: Never! Don't make me bust out the DDR again.
Warxe: I won't allow that, because, in between making yet another reference to YGOTAS and being an endless barrel of exposition, I contacted some old friends...
Razor: Yeah, Razor's on the scene! I'm the Razornaut, bitch! And all that.
Bluhman: I... no. I can't beat a furry at DDR. *hands Warxe the emerald*
Razor: Hey, I'm not a furry! I have a new persona. He's an astronaut.
Bluhman: Go yiff in hell, furfag.
Warxe: And with that, I'm gone. *vanishes*

[Darrellito]

Darrellito: I have arrived! *stands in a magnificent pose.*
Bluhman: Oi, Donatello. Your late. Warxe just walked off with the fake stone. We need to make our way to the museum real quick like.
Darrellito: Righto boss. Lemme have the shiny and I'll make with the hoppity hop.

*Bluhman hands over the real emerald to Darrellito*

Darrellito: Okie doke, I be there real fast.
Voice in Darrellito's head: TAKE ME TO SMOOCHY MOUNTAIN!
Darrellito: But boss says your to goes to teh museum.
Emerald: I BE YUR NEW BOSS MAN
Darrellito: Okies. Smoochy Mountain it is.

*Darrellito disappears into the shadows with the emerald*