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Wow, this is way old. Like Haloes in Space old.
Speaking of infamously bad fanfic, ever heard of "Celebrian"? Oh, it's not poorly-written....but I can guarantee you won't finish it.
Ellie: I had a slice of ham in my hand. I was going to drop it, so I slapped it hard. It attached itself to the wall
I'm willing to take that bet! link pwease
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”
"What is this?" said the goblin king. The lift of his loin cloth caused by the stiffening of his weenie demonstrated full well that the question was moot.
http://web.archive.org/web/20010423131650/http://www.greyarchive.com/Celebrian.htmIf you can read this, you can read anything.