FMLs

[ThexXtremeXx]

Have you ever had an fml moment? (**** my life)

I did.

When I was in a fight; i tried to falcon punch.
I got a black eye.

anyone else have one?

[Archem]

Every day of my life. Every instant of every moment of every day.





Thank God for antidepressants.

[Shady Ultima]

EMO!!!

I've had a few... none that are really memorable though, luckily.

[ThexXtremeXx]

Today, I busted my *** to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

lol poor guy

[Archem]

EMO!!!

How would you like your testicles in a blender?

...Not that I plan on touching them or anything. I don't bend that way.

[ThexXtremeXx]

O.o

[Shady Ultima]

How would you like your testicles in a blender?

...Not that I plan on touching them or anything. I don't bend that way.

Nice edit...

You know I'm just messing with you, even if what you said is extremely emo

[Archem]

It's not really emo, but hey, you're not really good looking.


Which is why I won't touch your junk.

[Shady Ultima]

Heh, I'd kinda hope you wouldn't...

[Archem]

D:

I'd kinda hoped you'd want to touch mine...

[Emerates]

Today, I was working in the frozen section, and it was mega-slow.  So, I decided to take a quick bathroom break.  After draining the sea monster, I debated, then slinked into the handicap stall and began to masturbate.  After about two minutes, the door opened.  I bit back a curse, but was not fully able to hide my heavy breathing.  I engaged in subterfuge, retrieving toilet paper and flushing.  As I opened the stall door, I realized the man employing the urinal was my boss.  He turned his head and asked, "Having fun?  Or was it just that hard to shit?"  Unable to think of a rebuttal, I washed my hands and said, "Sure is slow today."  FML.

[Shady Ultima]

D:

I'd kinda hoped you'd want to touch mine...

Sorry Archem, that's not for me lol

And Em, man, that sucks. I actually got fired once for something similar, except I wasn't jerking it, I just was actually taking a ****, and my boss came in, asked me what the hell I was doing, and told me to punch out and go home and not to come back. I was like w/e the job sucked anyways.

[Valiere]

Haha, Em, that's terrible. You're lucky you didn't get fired though.

I can only think of one job-related FML at the moment. I was working at a concession stand last summer. At the day's location, it had rained all night and morning. I didn't take this into account when I pulled down the cover on the poolside concession trailer, which had accumulated a ton of water, and it splashed all over me, soaking me from the neck down. The nearby lifeguards saw this and started cracking up. Fortunately, because of the weather it was a really slow day, and only a handful of customers saw the result of what my friends dubbed my "solo wet t-shirt contest."

[Archem]

Today, I was working in the frozen section, and it was mega-slow.  So, I decided to take a quick bathroom break.  After draining the sea monster, I debated, then slinked into the handicap stall and began to masturbate.  After about two minutes, the door opened.  I bit back a curse, but was not fully able to hide my heavy breathing.  I engaged in subterfuge, retrieving toilet paper and flushing.  As I opened the stall door, I realized the man employing the urinal was my boss.  He turned his head and asked, "Having fun?  Or was it just that hard to shit?"  Unable to think of a rebuttal, I washed my hands and said, "Sure is slow today."  FML.

Guh. I can't imagine doing that in a public place (or, at least, as public as bathrooms go). Hell, I can't even drop the kids off at the pool unless it's the toilet at my house. Fantastic work.

[Legacy of Elecrusher]

Multiple personalities are a pain.