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Ellie: I had a slice of ham in my hand. I was going to drop it, so I slapped it hard. It attached itself to the wall
I was going to do that but decided not to.
The IssueTragedy struck Land of Many Hats today, as a gunman killed three people in a suburban shooting rampage. The community is united in grief, but divided in opinion as to what should be done.The Debate 1. The strongest voices demand tighter gun controls. "The only way to prevent further atrocities is to take the guns out of the hands of the murderers," says anti-gun campaigner Hack Jefferson. "There's no justification for them in today's society. We need tighter regulations on who can hold guns, so only our police and military have them." 2. "That's not all we need," says radical left-wing activist Hack Utopia. "The government should ban all guns outright--even in the police force. This is an opportunity to make Land of Many Hats a totally gun-free state." 3. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people," says NRA head honcho Hack Love. "If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Is that what we want? Think, people. The answer isn't to ban guns. It's to crack down on those Hollywood movies and computer games that glamorize violence. They're the real criminals."
The IssueA collection of citizens, civil rights workers, and concerned mothers have signed a petition to stop the manufacturing of the 'BFG-69' (AKA 'the Organ Grinder'), a new rifle planned to be used in the military which works by shredding people's internal organs.
The Debate"If we don't produce these weapons we will be left behind in the arms race," says Jean-Paul Barry, director of the Alliance of Rifles, Grenades, and Handguns. "These weapons are the future and it won't just stop with the BFG-69. We're planning on introducing the Bone-Breaker 148-DX Sonic Rocket Launcher next year along with our anthrax grenade line. If Die Vielfrass is going to stay ahead of the game then it'll just have to accept that highly destructive weaponry is part of life. We'd also like to sell it commercially to your police force and citizens if you'd just sign here...?""This rifle is completely inhumane," says Dr May Shiomi, leaning on a cane. "These weapons are unnecessarily violent - how can anyone condone something that rips apart your innards like this? how long do you think it will be before these new inventions get into the wrong hands? Shootings are bad enough but at least most people are just wounded. The BFG-69 and those of its ilk are lethal in the extreme and are completely unacceptable! We need some moral decency here and get rid of these unconventional weapons along with all the other shameful armaments like mustard gas.""Excuse me, but whenever has anyone ever heard of a weapon that WAS humane?" asks Buy du Pont, ballistics expert. "These are devices for firing slugs of metal at people. It's not nice, but it IS necessary. People are always so squeamish. They've already accepted the standard ripping through the body of the standard bullet but the moment something a little more effective is made they kick up a fuss. Typical. These nonstandard weapons should only be put into trained military hands anyway. We're not making rocking horses here, we're protecting Die Vielfrass against her enemies! Just this once, let's try to stay ahead of them."This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.The Government Position
Dragonium, option 1 sounds by far the best. Not a great choice, but beats the balls off of 2 and 3.
Jet, I think I need to go work for your Arms Manufacturing firm.I've designed some weapons that would creep Hitler out.(Godwin's law!)
The IssueSeveral animal rights groups have protested the continuing use of fur as a material for clothing.The Debate 1. "This is an outrage!" cries Roxanne Longfellow, president of the Be Nice To Animals society. "The manufacture of fur apparel is unethical, cruel, and disgusting! People just don't seem to realise that millions of animals die each year in fur farms, crammed into tiny cages and suffering the most terrible treatment just so someone can look appealing and rich! This is a sick practice and must be stopped! The same can go for leather shoes and snakeskin belts too." 2. "You can't mean that, surely?" snorts Roxanne Johnson, adjusting his hat, made from real top hat hide. "It's the people's choice what they wear. I don't think it's fair that the majority of the public should be deprived of fur clothes because some people are a bit queasy. In fact, if the government would allow us to stock rarer animals, we could produce even finer products. In the end, it's up to the consumer, don't you think?"
