funny fortune cookies

[drenrin2120]

What's some of the strangest/funniest fortune cookies you've opened. Off the top of my head, the best I got is...

"Swimming is easy, stay floating is hard."

Just like that. Grammatically incorrect and everything. Annd...

"The balding man asked his barber 'why you charge me full price?'"

Not the funniest, but pretty damn strange fortunes.

[ReebotMachine]

There's nothing like some Chinese philosophy to end the day.

[Prpl_Mage]

"The snowy mountain is not white when there is no snow"

"Your road ahead is the road that is ahead of you"

Never understood the thing about there, just reminds me of zodiac stuff.

[Archem]

"Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity."

[Zerlina]

Sounds like they're trying to be grammatically incorrect on purpose. Most fortune cookies in North America are made by American companies.

[drenrin2120]

FACT: 87.3% of all oriental restaurants have a neon sign that reads "We Delivery".

[Natako]

I have half a mind to go around to all of the Chinese restaurants in the area and test that statistic out.

[Bluhman]

I've never gotten any fortunes that are notable. All I remember is looking down at my chopsticks and actually taking time to read the instructions:

1. Tuk under tnurnb and hold firmly

2. Add second chcostick hold it as you hold a pencil

3. Hold tirst chopstick in original position move the second one up and down

Now you can pick up anything

After that, I picked up the table.
As luck would have it, this was actually at a Thai restaurant.

[Zerlina]

Ok ok you guys, let me level with you. It's a conspiracy- we don't want you to know your futures or how to use chopsticks but because of an ancient curse we have to give you instructions should you ever look for them. The thing is,t he curse never specified how clear those instructions had to be. Thus you find yourselves now, trapped in a labyrinth where you must learn how to use chopsticks yourselves.

[drenrin2120]

Well, I feel like most of the people who work in chinese restaurants (in America at least) probably came here with their family or friends thinking life would be better here. 'cuz I never see people who aren't asian working at chinese restaurants, and they all speak an asian language while speaking broken english, which leads me to believe they picked up english on their own from friends or family.

[drenrin2120]

Just thinking of the sheer number of chinese restaurants in every city... I mean, they're in EVERY single city, and none of them speak very good english (unless their higher end restaurants). And a lot of the low end restaurants don't really have the nicest looking places. Kinda slummy, dirty, or run down. Still, they're food is amazing.

Even if its all fried, will leave you hungry in a few hours, and might not actually be chicken.

[Archem]

Just thinking of the sheer number of chinese restaurants in every city... I mean, they're in EVERY single city, and none of them speak very good english (unless their higher end restaurants). And a lot of the low end restaurants don't really have the nicest looking places. Kinda slummy, dirty, or run down. Still, they're food is amazing.

Even if its all fried, will leave you hungry in a few hours, and might not actually be chicken.

The irony of your post is amazing.

[Zerlina]

You beat me to the punch, male-me.

[drenrin2120]

Its a love/hate relationship, me and chinese food.

[Archem]

"Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity."

So nobody caught this?