Charas Grande Adventure Game: Rebirth of an Age

[Zoltar]

Zoltar: *Looks around* Now where DID Liz get off to?

Lizzabeth: *Appears in front of Rahl(* Time to chop down a pesky weed rowrrrrrrrrr!! *She says heating her axe and swinging at Lord Rahl*

Rahl: Feh! You are no match for me! Hefts his sword above his head and blue and black dark energies gather to it's fine edge. Then he swings it and the screen blacks over for a moment...When it fades back to normal again Eldritch and Lizzabeth are no more* Mugestu can eat it's heart out. Hahaha!

[Rahl]

A voice carries in the air...

Eldritch: "You may have killed me... But a power beyond your tiny comprehension comes to devour you all, I was merely the messenger... The harvenger comes and not you or even all of charas can deny his will... Hahaha... Like YOU could ever have killed... HIM... ehhhh..."

Rahl: "Him..."

[Fisherson]

Dave: Him? *Goes back no non-pyshco mode* What do you mean him?

Eldritch: *Dissolves and fades into darkness* You will see...soon...Aha ha ha.. soon mortals...*Vanish*

Zoltar: *Looks around* Is it all over?

Mary: *Sheathes her blade* Yeah looks like it. For now. *Turns to Rahl*...Cool mask...or is that your face?

Rahl: *Opens his mouth to speak and Mask follows hims movements, though they couldn't be seen from their side* A little of both. *Changes back to his usual black robed self and looks at Dave* So shall we go back to the pubb and-

*Suddenly a wicked light blinds the party*

Dave: @-@ Oww! What the heck??

Zoltar: Glasses make this allot more painful! ToT

Mary: *Closes her eyes* Hiss! Stupid light.

Rahl: Is it a flash bang? A Kido spell? Perhaps simply just Black Magic?

*When they party looked the Charas Pubb was gone!*

Dave: N-No! Razor! Weregnome! Phayre....T-T Man I was hopping to ask for a date while Daniel wasn't present.

Mog: *The no arms kind from Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles* Ku-po! Greetings heroes! I bring tidings from Lord Raffles.

Dave: Raffles?!

Rahl: Tidings?!

Mog: *Drops a letter in Rahl's hand and hovers there as everyone gathers around to read it*

Rahl: "Dear Wanker herowannabes, I Raffles of the Troll Kingdom have stolen your beloved pubb. If you want it back? Then bring me The Map To Tedtopia from Dragonium's castle in three weeks or I will BANISH it to the depths of Hades. Ha ha ha ha. Ha...hahahaha.
~ Signed Raffles the Most Evil Troll That Ever Wuz.

Mary: What's a Raffles?

Zoltar: A troll obviously. Well that won't be too hard to defeat. They aren't all that bright.

Dave: *Turns to Zoltar* Ah yeah you just got her. Trolls aren't always large, fat and stupid here. They are another sentient race who have long wanted to see Charas crash and burn. Raffles is their leader and high King of all Trollkind. A devious opponet. Jet and I once fought him for control of the universe.

Rahl: Wha?! And you didn't invite me??

Dave: I wanted to but I was turned into girl version of myself and was busy hitting on a male version of Valiere.

Zoltar: ...Whut...?

Dave: Say! I'll be Lord Raffles is HIM! If we use my ship we can fly to Dragonium's Castle in just under an day without much trouble.

Rusty: Beeop bop. Puworp. (Till we crash. And die.)

Dave: To the Fishmobile!- Ah wait. That was Megatron in disguise...also we killed him. Hmmm.. Well then to the Loyal Dewback!

*As they raced over to the Loyal Dewback suddenly they stopped. Where it had sat there was only a small sign with a chibi version of Grandy's face on it and the words "I.O.U One Star Ship...Not I stole it. Haza! Grandy rocks."

Rusty: Beep! (Yay! We may actually get through this adventure without crashing and burning to death!)

Zoltar: Looks like that green haired thief stole your ship.

Dave: *Resists the urge to do a Khan-like impersonation with Grandy's name instead* Fack! Now how will we get there??

[Rahl]

Rahl: I know of only one man that can help us now. A mage of great power and purpleness who can send us close to the troll king. Though the path to his lair is riddled with terrible danger. We must away into the Purple Mire.

Rahl and his companions now stare upon the bog before them, its depths a dark violet, its trees a wicked and twisted spance of tortured souls never to be released from this dark place. They walk single file through the mist finding what little solid and dry ground there was as the stalked deeper into the deepening darkness. From the corner of his eye Dave sees something churn under the surface of the mud surrounding them.

Dave: I really don't know about this Rahl.

Rahl: Neither do I, but it can't helped.

Dave: Cant he just live in a nice suburb like everyone else?

Rahl: Ask him when you see him...

Again the murky surface was broken but just as fast it was gone... And then... Silence.

Rahl: Move!

[Zoltar]

Solitary: Run from wha- *Suddenly a tentacle wrapped around his face* Aaaaaah get it off!!

Mary: Hold still! *grips her blade* I got this...

Zoltar: No way! I'd  rather take my chances with Mr Slimey here. *He said struggling to free himself* I'll be free in just a second. *Is slowly being dragged further and further toward the water* Yep. I'll be free's in just a second.

Mary: If I didn't need you to survive in this world I'd just let him gnaw on your head. *She said slicing the tentacle neatly* There see? Not a hair damaged on your precious, girly lockes. Now let's get back to finding this mage.

*There's a loud growl then suddenly several tentacles erupt from the swampy water around them*
Zoltar: *Turns to Mary* You were saying? 

[Fisherson]

Dave: Ho ho! Water monsters are our speciality, eh Rusty?

Rusty: Beep. (Let's get 'em.)

Dave: *Sends a blast of green lightning at the monster* Leave us be,  monster!

*The blast hit's the monster and it roars...in delight! It would appear this backwards creature asorbs electricity despite clearly being a water element!*

Rusty: Boop! (Uh oh!)

Rahl: Bah I have this. *Puts on his mask* Zan-Get-Su-Tuken! *The screen blacks out and Rahl Shupo-slashes at all the tentacles*

Monster: Screeeee! *It says waving it's stumps around and slowly sinking into the murky violet waters leaving them bloody*

Dave: Good show!

Rahl: Thank you. ^ ^ Now let us continue our journey.

Zoltar: *Looks at Mary with his new tentacle hat* Think this will increase my Def score?

Mary: Yeah but it'll cost your Charisma points. -  -;

Zoltar: Eh I got plenty of those anyway.

*As the party left the monster to lick it's wounds they soon encountered a rather odd scene. A large white cat chasing a small white mouse!*

Kiteh: >83 I have you now! *Pounces*

Mouse: Aaah wait a second! *Rolls out of the way and launches a feeble attack that seems to do no damage* ...Man why can't I shoot Expelliramus bolts like I did in the Chain Game??

Kiteh: I dunno, but either way, you're lunch! *Casts Aero on Mouse*

Mouse: Aaaah! @-@ *Falls on his back* So this is how my adventure ends? As cat food? T-T *Looks over in despair then see's the heroes* By the Golden Wheels of Cheesy Puns! I'm saved! Heroes, oh please won't you help me?? This feline doth intend to dine on my behine!

Mary: Ugh...rhymes. Don't worry I'll kill that mouse. *Draws her sword and stalks over to him*

Mouse: ouo; Whut??

Zoltar: Hey wait! That mouse is kinda cute. We should save him from the evil cat!

Mouse: Yes do that!

Dave: Hmm...I dunno. This is just nature running it's course. The mouse was born to fill the food slot of the cat's diet. In essence it's his destiny to be kitty chow.

Mouse: Heeey! >.< Don't I get an opinion in this "destiny" buisiness?

Rusty: Beeop bop. (That's cold and logical. Thus I totally agree with it.)

Mouse: The machines will turn on humanity! Trust not the cold metalic one!

Rahl: Hmm I dunno. Hollows do eat each other all the time, and beisdes we're on a mission to save the pubb. We can't stop for every helpless creature who-

Mouse:- Save your pubb? Then you need to see Marduk! I know secret path that can get you there in one go, no need to fight any monsters or anything!

Mary: Aw that sounds boring, but faster. *Looks at the others* But we'd have to fight a kitty cat.

Kiteh: *Twitch*  Kitty-cat? You do know I'm a god in cat form right? I could totally stomp you into liter box...litter. *Smirks and stands upright* So bring it on, Neanderthals! I'll send you back to the stone ages! Aha ha ha!

Mary: >8D I wonder how kitty cat tastes with ketchup? *She says unsheathing her blade*

[Rahl]

Cat: How dare you! Do you know who I am, I am Felix god of felines! You defy me? You who are but vermin in my path! You inferior two legged foul smelling creatures. You- what... what are you...

Rahl reaches into his pocket and slowly draws out laser pointer and flashes it on the ground around Felix the creature clawing at it.

Rahl: Hurry go get the mouse so we can get out of this damn place.

Zoltar runs over and picks up the mouse placing it into his pocket.

Zoltar: Got it.

Mouse: Thank you, though I am not an "it". My name is Clare.

Zoltar: Aww the cute little mouse has a name.

Clare rolls her eyes and says: "We must hurry the flashy red light will not hold his attention for long."

Rahl sticks the laser pointer firm between a forked branch and urges the party on. Felix now getting frustrated with the now unmoving ungraspable light.

[Fisherson]

(XD That was just brilliant Rahl!)

Dave: *Looks at Clare* Heh I know a very large gal who has a name just like yours. *Smiles widely* Almost a case of irony in nature.

Clare: Really? What's she like?

Rahl: Talk later. Show path now.

Zoltar: He's reverted to cave man form! =O

Mary: More like he's trying to make the the mouse-

Clare: Clare. *She clarified.*

Mary: Fixing to be Mouse Gumbo if you don't show us that secret way in.

Clare: Oh fine. *She said from Zoltar's pocket pointing with a little paw* Follow that dwindling path with all the warning signs on it*

Rusty: Beep? (Isn't that a bad idea?)

Zoltar: *Shrugs* I turst her. She's too cute to be evil!

Mary: -  -; Why of all the Shamen do I have to get stuck with this one?

*Soon, after traversing many dangerous signs and scary looking trees, the party came to the tower! It was huge impressive and mostly made of purple bricks. It towered above them impressively. At the base of the tower was a large friendly well made door that was currently open with a large welcome mat on the floor that was written in some ancient runes, or it might have been swedish made to look like ancient runes. Either way it all seemed quite friendly and inviting. The adventurers didn't like it...well most of them didn't.

Zoltar: Wow! It's like if Ikea made towers! So big and freindly!

Clare: Yeah....friendly...o.o; *Looks up at the huge tower compared to her* How will we find the mage in that?

Dave: Relax. The tower's just a normal building. I mean it was once seized by a rival Marduk's named Arghamel who used magic to change the internal structure to resemble some kind of weird platformer thing...Or so I heard from a monster hunter once. Either way I say we enter.

*So the party entered and as they did they beheld an large circular room filled with loads of Ikea furniture and some tapestries of various famous mages including a nude of Lulu from FF10.)

Zoltar: *"Admiring" the Lulu tapestry* X3 Te he he! I like this mage's taste.

Rahl: Hmm strange. I don't remember hearing of the Purple Mage having any fetishes or sexual interests. I thought when they even mastrabated it caused a drain in MP.

Mary: Ugh. Men. *She said rolling her eyes*

Dave: Hey look there's the door. *Walks toward it and suddenly it erupts open and Marduk appears*

Marduk: Hm? I don't remember expecting guests...Or wait are you door-to-door salesmen? Ugh. I hate solicitors . *He said leaning on his cane and inspecting them.* Wait you don't have any ties, not even bow ties! You must be a motley band of heroes who needs help, yes? Sigh...Alright fine. What is it I can do for you, hmm? Bear to mind: I'm all out of magical crystals, demons slaying weapons and I couldn't tell you how to find the lost City of anything as I'm always losing something around here and having to ask my apprentice Violet to go find it. Just the other day I misplaced the Ultimate Spork...Hope nobody got their hands on that. Heh heh. Makes Flameberge and Excalibur look like tooth picks.

[Zoltar]

Zoltar: 'Ultimate Spork"? Huh?

Marduk: Oh my yes. More powerful than even The Spitoon of Doom.

Mary: You people are a little weird ya know? 

Rahl: We get that allot actually. Ahem. O great purple mage we come to ask for a speedy way to get to the Troll Kingdom and take backeth our lovely pubb. Will you aid us in this noble quest?

Marduk: Hmm... There does exist a way. A Waygate in fact I happen to know the location of.

Dave: Waygate? How does that work?

Clare: I don't care! Mister Mage, I also need your help as an evil witch turned me into a mouse and I was almost eaten by a cat, a toad and even some sort of eagle on my way to see you.

Marduk: Sorry. There's only one safe way to change you back, young mouse girl. The witch would need to remove the spell herself.

Clare: T.T Nooo! I don't even know where she is now! I'll be a mouse forever.

Marduk: However their is a more dangerous method of using a dark magic similar to the spell: Raffles Right Sock. There is no Fowler magic in all of Charas.

Clare: So... I still need to follow these guys? Sigh. Greaaaat.

Rusty: Zeep... (I know your pain well, my friend.)

Zoltar: Okay then I guess we need to get to that Waygate.

Marduk: Not so fast!! You didn't hear my price. One of you must agree to marry my lonely, cross eyed cousin Lylac. Poor thing is desperate for a husband since her last one...myteriously disappeared after he tried to leave her.

[Rahl]

Rahl: I- um, well- I- am already married...

Dave: Oh really... and whats her name by chance???

Mary: Yeeeaaahhh?

Rahl: She has many names but you may call her Justice!! Freedom!! Liberty!! and I am ever faithful...

Said he as a dark mist began to shroud his form backing away from the company.

Marduk: Ahhh now that 's a nice trick soul reaper, I happen to have a tick of my own.

A rather large purple boot formed behind him just as Rahl started to dissipate, pulling back and solidly planting in his rear end sending him in a cartwheel head over onto the floor.

Marduk: And what do you think of that one eh? I learned it from a beautiful sorceress half my age and twice as merciless as myself, it was only a small pinch and her pretty little behind didn't look any worse for the wear afterwards. Ahh yes that one was a real....

Mary: Ahem

Marduk: Ah yes back to the matter at hand, the marriage... Yes Sir I believe you shall do very nicely. The mask is a bit to much of course, but her former husband was much worse I'm afraid. Terrible case of leprosy that one, looked as if he were one of my less scrupulous experiments that I keep in the basement. But I'm sure that is the reason he settled for my poor Lylac, most would say he traded up but I never understood why. She is a very- healthy sized... young lady. Well with the accident and all- Anyway you will be perfect for her.

Rahl: I say we beat the damn answer out of the old fool.

Dave: He is a great and powerful mage. Might be a bit too much for us.

Rahl: This is worth the risk, I'll never mar- I mean... We have to save Charas from the evil that comes.

Dave: (holds back laghter) Hes willing to help us, I think we should help him.

Rahl: Wha- We don't have time for a wedding, he have to leave now!

Marduk: No worries now, no worries. Luckily for you Lylak has been staying with me the last few weeks. Darling come meet your new husband!

Rahl: Now see hea-

Rahl stops mid sentence as the most beautiful creature he had ever seen walked around the corner. Her hair flowed like spun gold, her eyes like open skies, her skin smooth and silken as warm milk, her breas- Well she was perfect and he would not have been surprised had she drifted into the room on cloud born upon a sparkling ray of sun.

Lylac: Hello... Rahl.

Rahl: I do

Lylac: Wha-

Rahl grabs Marduk, and pulls him in close.

Rahl: Priest- get- go now!

Marduk: I just so happed to be ordained my boy!

[Fisherson]

Rahl: Well then marry us, old fool!

Lylac: Indeed! Do so uncle. I am eager to be a proper lady again and experience the pleasures it can bring. Te he!

Clare: But I thought we didn't have time to-

Dave: I love weddings! As long as they aren't shot gun or blaster weddings where I'm involved that is.  Aheh heh.

Rusty: Boop. Zoop beedle zoop beep. (You still need a ring, gown and your families to get propperly hitched, ya know.)

Rahl: Ring you say? Hmm...*Searches his pockets and pulls out a pair of decoder rings!* Ha! Easy.

Zoltar: What about the dress?

Rahl: Patosh! *Takes out a suit case and tosses out several Bleach Cosplay gears till he finds the one he was looking for* Aha! *Holds up a white spirit reapers robe that looks designed for women*

Mary: Why do you-

Rahl:- Same reason you have on Cloud's baggy pants and leather belts? *Shrugs and hands it to Lylac*

Lylac: *Equips* Sweet! Now can we be wed and make love under the moon light?

Zoltar: What about the family thing Rusty mentioned earlier?

Rahl: *Growls and is about to slash at Rusty when Lylac holds up a delicate hand*

Lylac: I only have my uncle. My mother and father were slayn by a roving Darknight and his dragon gal pal. My uncle is all I have left...*Looks at Rahl* Till you came along.

Rahl: *Smiles widely and sheathes the blade* Aww...Well my family are alive but...complicated. My father was a spirit reaper, but he was eaten by hungry hungry hollows and left my mother to raise me all by herself, but being a Quincy she was very disappointed in my choice to be a Shinigami. *He said looking down* We aren't exactly close. Oh then there's my brother who's all jelous I have this power so he's pretty much always tried to be mom's favorite, but she never acknowledges him. *Shrugs* Sides Dave and the other Charasians are more my family than anyone I know.

Marduk: Aww how sweet. Now then. *Casts Haste 2* ...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

*Rahl and Lylac kiss...and kiss...and kiss some more....then are in danger of running out of breath when Rusty tweedles loudly:*

Rusty: Tweetle. (Hey we need to get back to saving the world. You two can make babies later.)

Dave: Aha ha ha! ^^; Forgive him. He wasn't programed with much sensitivity. But he does have a point.

Lylac: What about the honeymoon?

Maduk: That's why they made Cottages and Tents dearie! *Waves his arms and suddenly the Waygate, all vine covered and dusty white marble and arch-like.* There it is. Now I've activated it already and it's 100% real. Which means the same dangers apply as they would in WOT.

Zoltar: WOT? Huh?

Clare: The Wheel of Time. They are a series of Tolkien-like books. Pretty awesome fantasy novels. Not such a fun ending though, but the guy did die and have to leave it to his wife and apprentice to finish the last ones.

Dave: They should totally make a live action series based on those.

Marduk: Indeed they should, but likely they'll make a crappy Eragon-like movie instead. *Shudders* I'll make a note to Hadoken them later. Also I need to mention Lylac is well versed in how to travel the Waygate safely.

Lylac: Yep! Since my uncle's into magic and stuff I trained to learn how to use magic and am a expert on various types.

Dave: Really? What kind of mage are you?

Lylac: I'm a Summoner! Though when I summon something-

Marduk: Fly you fools! *Pushes them all through the Waygate*

[Rahl]

Rahl: blood and bloody ashes, what have I gotten myself into this time

Lylac: If only I were Moiraine Damodred I would know what to do...

Rahl: I'm glad your not, that would make you an Aes Sedai and they cannot be trusted, I trust you with my life my beautiful wife. Now lets get out of here before we come across those damned darkspawn that also walk the ways.

Dave: I agree, most likely Machin Shin will be lurking around every corner as well.

Rahl: Damn you Shai'tan!

Zoltar: The wheel weaves as the wheel wills of course.

Lylac: Lets get going.

And they pushed forward deeper into the dark ways listening for the black wind...

[Fisherson]

Dave: Yes well it would be bloody nice to see the bloody path. *Ignites his saber and sheds a little light on the path* Ah there we go!

Rusty: *Suddenly pops out fog lights and swivels around* Beeeeop! Beep bop beep beep bop. (Biiig.... Like the size of butt David likes.)

Dave: <///< Rusty! This is why I don't have a Facebook page.

Zoltar: But you do have a ChubbyWubbyLovers.com page right? Ha ha ha-

Mary: *Sighs and smacks Zoltar on the head with her sword* Real women have figures! Get over it.

Zoltar:- Oww! Will you quit that?! XO

Mary: So what is this Machin Shin?

Dave: Bad news. Like a encounterable monster with infinite HP whom you have to keep running away from cause it'll just respawn where you're at and attack you all over again.

Rahl: Indeed, but fear not! I have my trusty Zanpukuto. *He said holding up his slightly oversized sealed state Zanpukuto.*

Zoltar: Yeah well it doesn't do this I'd bet! *Calls his energy sheild which provides more light than Dave's blade and little less than Rusty's lamps* Ha! How do you like that?

Rahl: ....*Repeats what Mary did to Zolty only he does it twice*

Zoltar: Owww.... *He said rubbing his head*

Rahl: He can't but I can. *Calls a light Kido spell to his hand and uses it like a lantern* Okay everyone. This way! Be sure and avoid those crumbling tiles. If you fall...well you may never stop.

Lylac: Oh goodie! Inverted physics are a wonderful magic.

*With that the party set off little realizing somebody was watching in the Troll Kingdom*

-- The Troll Kingdom --

*Raffles sat in his throne of bones much like the King of Huecomundo (the first one). He was was covered in shadow while two smaller trolls massaged his feet*

Raffles: Blarg...That pesky mage helped them. Hmpf! Fag! I shall not be so easily defeated by these...heroes. *He spat the last word down at the two young trolls, one male, one female*

Mironic: Um but Lord Raffles sir-*She tittered*

Trymaker: *Slaps Mir* Don't question the King, foolish slatern!

Mir: Yeah and about that...Why am I chick? I mean I love the fur bustier, but couldn't I be a-

Try: No! We are as Lord Raffles wishes us to be!

Mir: *Mutters* Ofcourse you'd say that cause you have a d-

Raffles: ENOUGH bickering! *He bellows* Bah I've had it with these heroes! I just wanted a simple scroll and they decide to defy me and sneak in and STEAL back their PUBB?! Oooh! *Waves his massive hammer* Lord Pop!!

*Suddenly there's a loud POP sound and a Orko-like figure appears, except his eyes are hidden and his robe is dakr blue and red*

Pop: Yo Raffy! Wha'chu need?

Raffles: Go to the Waygate and take five fists of Troll Warriors. Destroy the heroes David, Rahl, Zoltar and um that robot and their meddling womenfolk. Do this and you will be well rewarded, Lord Pop.

Pop: *Laughs* How much smack we talkin' Lord R.?

Raffles: *Rolls his eyes* How much you want?

Pop: Hmmm....*Puts his finger up to his mouth* Over nine thousand Quatloos!

Raffles: ....Feh. Fine just go! And don't return till they're dead!

Pop: With pleasure my master! Aha ha ha ha! *Dissapears with a loud POP sound*

Raffles: Mm that should fix them.

Mir: What about me?

Try: *Honks Mir's boob* You look alright to me. Ha ha ha-

Mir: >8(  *Points a laser dot at Try* Fifi, sick!

Try: Ow my eyes. Fifi? What's a-*Is attacked by a big fluffy kitten* AAAAAAUGH! Save me Lord Raffles!!

Raffles: *Gets a bag of popped corn and watches the shrunken pubb in a dome* Don't count on your pals getting through this one alive, tiny Charasians. MWA HA HA HA HA HA! *Turns back to the screen while Trymaker wails on*

[Zoltar]

Zoltar: *Walks along watching the path noting this path looks healthier than the one that appeared in WoT The Great Hunt. Not much pochmarking or disintigration of the white tiles. Zoltar suddenly realized the events in WOT didn't happen to this Waygate. He paused and thought about it for a moment then said aloud:* If this Waygate was never touched by The Shadow then why is it so dark in here?

Mary: ...Huh. Didn't think about that. Machin Shin?

Dave: I don't suppose it should exist in our world...Which means this darkness is either being artificially generated...or we've traveled back in time. To when the Waygate was still standing.

Rahl: Which also means we're in their universe before the events in the books? O.o Interesting.

Lylac: Time and space are irreverent in a place like this.

Clare: Maybe to you guys but I'd like to make it out of this place before I'm a little grey mouse.

*As they marched on they soon came to an island and there they found a table played out with sandwiches and lemonade.*

Mary: The frack?

[Rahl]

_____: Well hello fiends- I mean friends... or was it fiends... I honestly can't really be so sure, such a coincidence really. Fiend- Friend, words that are almost the same in spell, worlds apart in meaning, but... Never so far apart in all reality they coincide more often than not. But who cares I'll eat you both, oh come now, come now sit I'm not that hungry right now so it happens I will just have spoon out your entrails another time. So inconvenient that, the spooning of entrails and all they're so long takes an absolute age, truly it does.

Rahl: Who the hell are you?

_____: Who in hell am I? Well now there's a question. Silly question really, we're not really in hell at the moment... though I suppose that is all a matter of perspective. So I suppose seeing as I'm in your hell I am who I am, though for me hell is not here. Quite the conundrum you see, but here you have some cheese. Cheese for everyone! Actually scratch that, no cheese, forget the cheese. Though my little mice I do have some rat poison would you care for some?

Dave: I've never seen someone ramble so much, lets get ou-

_____: Oh but you mustn't leave yet, the party has not begun! I sent out those damn invitation months ago. Where could everyone be? I could have sworn some had already arrived.

The old man starts checking his pockets, "I know they are here somewhere. Like loosing your cheese- I mean keys... or WAS it cheese." Continues fumbling around in his pockets.

Something wet drips down onto Zoltars head.

Zoltar: "What the he-" as he looked up seeing cropses hanging from the darkness above.

_____: Oh, good show, there they are. Oh, my looks like they had a bit too much cheese afraid they passed on the rat poison.

Rahl: Lets get out of here, run!

They all ran past the old man leaving the table and its contents behind. As they did so, they came face to face with the same island again.

_____: Well hello fiends- I mean friends... or was it fiends... I honestly can't re-

Rahl: Whats going on around here?

Dave: Its the same crazy bastard.

_____: Ah well, would you expect the god of madness to be sane really. A bit out of the title isn't it?

Rahl: The god of... madness?

_____: Sheogorath is the name and toes are my game. Do any of you happen to enjoy your toes? I do, especially the little ones nasty little things to tear off, but a more tender bit of meat you'll never meet!

Rahl: Let us go or I'll feed your your own.

Sheogorath: What a charming idea!

He reached down and started pulling his shoes off fingering his little toe and taking a nibble.

Sheogorath: You know its actually is quite good, a bit tart, but tender non-the-less. Care for some?

Mary: Just let us out of here you old freak.

Sheogorath: Go, but the party is here? (he said as he spat out a bit of fingernail) Oh no no no, it would be impolite for your not to join the other in their merrymaking. Be there in a minute! Oh these people are insatiable, but a host must do as he must for his guests.

Dave: We have a very important mission to save Charas.

Sheogorath: Chara hmm, sounds very delectable. Oh very well then, you may save your Charas but only under one condition...

Rahl: Being..?

Sheogorath: Why a riddle, oh how I do enjoy riddles. Its fun to play riddles with people while spooning their entrails. Always screaming "STOP" "Why?" and "Please", why do people always think those are the answers to my riddles, yes a curiosity at best! But alas answer me this: A Bosmer, was slain. The Altmer claims the Dunmer is guilty. The Dunmer says the Khajiit did it. The Orc swears he didn't kill the Bosmer. The Khajiit says the Dunmer is lying. If only one of these speaks the truth, who killed the Bosmer?