Story Contest: The Bridge Builders

[Krynth]

Forgive me for not going into too much detail on tie it into the screenshot (guess I feared that all that information would make me hit the word limit)....but yea I used the red haired woman, the flood, and as for my bridge well...the flood is the bridge (not sure how to explain but it was needed for the commoners to cross over into the upper class)...I tried to work the setting of the screenshot more than the characters present,  

lol MATCHINGNESSITY not trying to point it out since I didnt think anything of it a till I saw your edit and wouldnt even be saying this if not for the edit but I like that word...

[Glitch]

Yes, it was intended as a comedy. I wanted there to be a nice twist at the end as well.

[Moosetroop11]

Glad you liked it

[Rowan]

4 Story and Screen Analogy:
2 Content: (as in, how good the story is, its moral if its got one, ect. ALSO, rate word usage, vocabulary, and grammar in here.)
2 Interest (if it bored you or if it kept you wanting more)
1 Length:. (If it's a short story, like only a paragraph, it doesn't get this point)
1 Bonus point for using #2 #4

Coreystranick:
Simple, but short. The story seemed like it was made for a quick boss encounter. For example: "Are you ready to go where those bridges dare not?" at the very end of the story gives a hint that your going to have to fight Kane. Who was the elf that ewoke Kane? Why did he awoke him? How did he awoke him? You also switch the perspective of Kane being from one entity to an entire race of vile creatures. For example: "...Kane, the ancestral being.." "anything but his kind" then all of a sudden "...massacred by the ferocious beasts." "..these vile creatures." The conflict didnt tie that well with the screen also. From the screen, the bridges only look like a couple of yards off the ground. Since the description of Kane was really vague, I gone ahead and assumed Kane (or Kanes) was this giganto monster. Like I said, Simple and short.

Story and Screen Analogy: 2.5/4
Content: 1/3
Interest 1/2
Length: 0/1

TOTAL = 4.5 out of 10

Tips:
* Watch your utility of words that ends with the letter "S". Adding one S at the end of some words can make one thing seem like many.
* Remember to add a small history or some kind of brief description to your characters. For example: "Kane was about the size of a small bush."

MrMister:
Best story here! I love the usage of smileys as it sort of add an aura to the story! To top it all off, you add the finishing touches with the perfect mispelling of "happened"

Story and Screen analogy: 2/4
Content: 0/2
Interest: 0/2
Length: 0/1
Bonus Point: 1 (*He DID use screen 4 :P)

TOTAL = 3 out of 10

Tips:
How to write a story

Grandy:
Meh.. The story begins with the bridge already built (by some unknown force) next you say that the bridge was incomplete, which completely contradicts the original sentance. Im going to go ahead and assumed that Lazgrael destroyed the bridge, some dude read the ancient tome millenias after, and the workers tried to reconstruct it thru what the tome said... There was also many grammar errors especially near the end. The story also didnt match with the screen that well. Occording to the story if the workers tried to build the bridge it would just get burned down, thus there shouldnt be any bridge (or bridges) visible on the screen. Screen #4 would've been a much better choice for this story. Overall the story itself was fairly interesting. It caught my attention.

Story and Screen analogy: 2/4
Content: 1/3
Interest: 2/2
Length: 0

TOTAL: 5/10

Tips:
*Dont leave parts out.
*Commas are good, but watch where you place them

Coasterkrazy:
Good, but not the best. Dialouge Yay! The dialouge itself helped showed the personalitys (and a SLIGHT background) of the characters. The choice of words were decent. You didnt pick any big words, which is nice because made it the story easier to understand, but then again you didnt pick any big words, which could've increase the quality of the story better. The worst thing about this story was its interest. The characters had a personality, but they bored me to death. The personas were nothing new and seemed VERY cliche.. The story also seemed to focus on the river more then the actually bridge. This was made more evident toward the end. The comparisons to the screen were great, but the story itself just seemed to lack any interest at all.

Story and Screen analogy: 3/4
Content: 1.5/2
Interest: 0/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1

TOTAL: = 6.5/10

Tips:
*Originallity is friend
*Dont be afraid to use big words.

Moosetroop11:
Nice! Excellent descriptions of the characters. I like the usage dialouge to add to the personality further. Overall this story seemed like a giant juxtaposition. Instead of crying over the dead and the destruction of some parts of their city they found ways to get around it and even find joy over the sacrifice of a few others. This story increases in quality as it can obviously be compared to the Hurricane Katrina event that happened a few years ago in real life. Overall it was fairly interesting. The more I think about that juxtaposition, the more I enjoy it.

Story and Screen Analogy: 3/4
Content: 2/2
Interest 1.5/2
Length: 1
Bonus: 1

TOTAL = 8.5/10

Tips:
*N/A

Glitch:
Beautiful story! (If this was intended to be a comedy.) :P I laughed hard when she was knocked off like that. The characters at the beginning were dull enough to make you wish that they died, only to find out one really did! It was a nice unexpected twist that REALLY gives this story a boost, if it was supposed to be a comedy.

Story and Screen Analogy: 3.5/4
Content: 1.75/3
Interest: 1.25/2 (No interest at the beginning at least.)
Length: 1

TOTAL = 7.5 out of 10

Tips:
*The most important thing is grabbing the reader at the very beginning of a story

A Forgotten Legend:
Meh, of all the people to enter a city how did they instantly know it was him? I also am going to figure that this guy cannot swim as he obviously just let himself die like that. It doesnt make any sense as to why the king flooded a whole city because of one guy when he could've killed him straight off. The stories comparison with the screen is okay.. The content could've been much better also

Story and Screen Analogy: 2/4
Content: 1/2
Interest: 1/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1

TOTAL: 6 out of 10

Tips:
*N/A (Dont feel like giving anymore out)


Krynth:
Okay.. Again I cannot stress how important it is to make sure to start something off that catches the readers intention right away or else the rest of the story will just flop. The stories comparison with the screen seemed off also. Not once you mentioned an actual bridge. However, despite the short comings, the character development was very good. The choice of words and the accents helped define their personality better. The story would've gotten a better score if you didnt saved the best till last, which made the rest of the story rather dull.

Story and Screen Analogy: 1.5/4
Content: 2/2
Interest .5/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1

TOTAL: 6 out of 10

Tips:
*Saving the best till last is sometimes a good method, but it could drastically decrease the interest of the rest of the story.


----------------------------------------------------


My FINAL words:
Sorry for the long wait for the review.... I had to read each story over again to make sure I can come up with a exact review of how I felt based upon reading it. Everyones story was good, but remember to ALWAYS reread your own story. It bothers me when I dont see a "LAST EDITED ON.." below their post because it gives me a hint that they really didnt bother to change anything with the story. I would also like to add to remember to always start a story off which catches the readers attention straight away. Once you've got the reader hooked at the beginner, its MUCH easier to keep their interest throughout the rest of the story.

And remember, The reviews was based on how I felt when I reread all your stories. My views on these stories are my own personal views. These reviews are OPINION based, only so dont go off a rocker and get mad because of the critique.

[A Forgotten Legend]

i completely had no idea what to write about yesterday. i had forgotten to count the number of 4's and well yeah.  I liked the one I typed for 4 better.  normal I would have taken more time to come up with a story for something like this, but I saw that it was to end today.    I guess that is what I get for trying to type in a hurry.      by the way, the goofing off thing was really just a fluke.  I'm surprised at myself I used that, i must have been out of ideas by the time I got there.  I was trying to think of how it could have been his fault...  Oh well.  I already typed it, so I guess I have to stick with it.  I can't wait until the next story contest.

How did my story help?!?!?!  
Edit:  Oh, that's how, the making fun of the king part...

To Gemini: I am not used to writing in present tense, so I tried it out.  Didn't work to well.  I am sticking with past tense from now on!

To Rowan: I'm not actually sure what I was going with that king floods entire city thing because of one person either.  I might have been thinking that the king thought that ALL of the townspeople were like that.  I'm not sure.

Meh, of all the people to enter a center how did they instantly know it was him?

?!?!?! I don't get it.  And am not good enough to get a tip?  j/k

[coreystranick]

For example: "...Kane, the ancestral being.." "anything but his kind" then all of a sudden "...massacred by the ferocious beasts." "..these vile creatures." The conflict didnt tie that well with the screen also. From the screen, the bridges only look like a couple of yards off the ground. Since the description of Kane was really vague, I gone ahead and assumed Kane (or Kanes) was this giganto monster. Like I said, Simple and short.

I said he was the ancestral being of the animals. Hating anything but his animal brethern. And the evles are not animals. It wasn't that hard to figure out since I said it.

I said he started a war, thus he and the other animals started a war.

[Ben]

Forgotten Legend:

Um....Its not so much as past or present tense, but the incosistency of shifting between them like it was going out of style that threw it off.

Also, First person narrative Should Always be in past tense, In my opinion. Otherwise it sounds off.

[A Forgotten Legend]

okay...
me=confused.
nevermind.

[Meiscool-2]

Wow, you guys judge a lot faster than my mapping judges do. Once I finish rereading all the stories, I'll give the final verdict.

[Meiscool-2]

4 Story and Screen Analogy:
2 Content: (as in, how good the story is, its moral if its got one, ect. ALSO, rate word usage, vocabulary, and grammar in here.)
2 Interest (if it bored you or if it kept you wanting more)
1 Length:. (If it's a short story, like only a paragraph, it doesn't get this point)
1 Bonus point for using #2 #4

Coreystranick:
Short and sweet. This reminded me of a type of story I might here while reading my greek mythology books. I loved those fables. Anyways, I think the content was good, and it did leave me wanted to read more. However, it could've been a lot longer, and you left out a great deal of discription. Of all the stories, yours is one of the best that matches the screenshot.
Story and Screen Analogy: 3.5/4
Content: 2/3
Interest 2/2
Length: 0/1

TOTAL = 7.5 out of 10

MrMister:
Bleh

Story and Screen analogy: 2/4
Content: 0/2
Interest: 0/2
Length: 0/1
Bonus Point: 1
TOTAL = 3/10

Grandy:
I like this as well. Again, it reminds me greatly of a greek god fable. People working, knowing the outcome, but still working hard. Your word usage and vocab arn't exactly the best here. Also, the fact that the screenshot shows many small bridges, while your story speaks of one larger bridge (it seems) throws the matching points off. Good story though, one of the better reads in my opinion.

Story and Screen analogy: 2/4
Content: 1/3
Interest: 2/2
Length: .5/1

TOTAL: 5.5/10

Coasterkrazy:
A nice sad story. This had a prominate ending, which I really like about stories. Leaves room to be continued, yet we all know what happens. Unlike several other endings that leave you with a question. This didn't much keep my interest, either because of the length of the story, or the method you used to describe your characters. Another thing that lowered the interest factor was how I could predict what could happen with utmost accuracy.

Story and Screen analogy: 3/4
Content: 2/2
Interest: .5/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1

TOTAL: = 7.5/10

Moosetroop11:
Now, you didn't much tie a bridge in with this story, so I'm going to degrade you for that. However, you matched the screen up quite well, and you described the setting and people excellently. The story didn't much have a point though, and as said before, didn't have a whole lot about the bridge. Because of those last two things is the reason you've earned the rating in content that you did.

Story and Screen Analogy: 4/4
Content: .5/2
Interest 2/2
Length: 1/1
Bonus: 1

TOTAL = 8.5/10

Glitch:
I didn't laugh. Just let that be a note. I didn't really find anything funny with it, sorry. I did however like the story, and found the ending rather good and open to a continuation (though I prefer endings that don't leave much more room for events to follow) You combined death in many ways to create a good flowing story. Bravo. The only thing you could've done was make more mention of how high the event took place at, to make the matching better.

Story and Screen Analogy: 3/4
Content:  2/3
Interest: 1/2 (No interest at the beginning at least.)
Length: 1

TOTAL = 7 out of 10

A Forgotten Legend:
Not a very realistic story, that a pissed off king would sentence an entire village to the watery depths because of a joke. Also, not very sensible that they would build an entire bridge just to push a guy off. Now, I think that this matches the screenshot pretty well. I also think that the story had a lot of attention grabing details. Mainly, the attention was on "what did he say that made the king mad?", but that was sadly never answered. So, bad content, good matching and interest.

Story and Screen Analogy: 3/4
Content: .5/2
Interest: 2/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1

TOTAL: 7.5 out of 10

Krynth:
Points for originality and making this play out like a play. (lol pun) However, I wasn't interested during the story at the least. I also think that the characters were bland and boring. Mostly, you just described people's heads and nothing else. Another thing, the fact that most of the events take place indoors and at night sorta makes it hard to tie the story with the screenshot.

Story and Screen Analogy: 1/4
Content: 2/2
Interest .5/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1

TOTAL: 5.5 out of 10

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Thankyou everyone that entered! I had a fun time reading the stories. They were all pretty good, except for MrMister's, and I found joy from reading ALL of them. I hope you will enter the next contest, whatever I might decide it to be:p

Also, as I look over the ratings, I name the winners....

Winner: Moosetroop11
Runner Up: CoasterKrazy

Great job to the both of you. You had some very unique stories going on there

[A Forgotten Legend]

Really, I didn't givve any thought to what he said.  I guess I let that up to the reader.

[Krynth]

So yea not sure sure what exactly to say (right now I'm thinking of too many things at once) other than I agree alot with what has just been mentioned now that I've just reread my entry....(I did reread right after I posted but then that was for spelling and grammar which I never fixed) I did leave out alot of stuff that I had been thinking, important things that I shouldnt have....

Eh some excuses I guess?

Rushed? Ummm not really even though I was one day late, forgive me and thanks as well for judging my entry despite that, but I really didnt have a reason behind it I guess other than work...

I read the rules and everything I needed to know before I left for the weekend had worked on it some while I was gone (coming with the basic idea/plan for a story and went from there and well then strayed and got writer's block?)

[Moosetroop11]

w00t.

MIC was the only one to see the massive flaw, and I should have encorperated bridges more I know. Maybe if there's another contest like this more points should be awarded to writing about the given topic? Hmmm.

[coasterkrazy]

Cool.

Oh well, I had said it turned out rather predictable, so I knew it was coming. I think I'll go about it differently next time.

Rowan: Funny thing, I usually do use big words, I just didn't want my story to be too confusing or pretentious (no joke intended, seriously, I use that word all the time... um... if you even consider that a big word, which I wouldn't).