My Game story.

[hellhound1390]

Hey i am making a game and i was wondering if my story was okay.... well here it is

     You wake up to a pounding on your door. when you open it, a man is standing outside in the rain telling you that your grandfather is dying. you rush to get to your grandfather. a docter arrives and tells you that an he was hit with a poison dart by a dark scout, under the rule of the evil emperor ( yeah a little cliche ) She tells you that he might be able to be saved if you bring her the berries from a certain plant. The man who came to get you mentions that he saw that plant on his way to your house. you follow him and get the berries. But when you get back to your grandfather, it is to late. You then want revenge so you go to the dark gate seperating the emperor's land from yours. You cant get through the gate but there are 10 holes. all different shaped. so then you go to find information about the gate. Finally you find out that these ancient relics are scattered through the world. finaly when you retrieve all the relics, you go to the dark land. you then confront the emperor himself.

Well thats about it. if you win, you get your revenge, if not you get a game over screen. lol well please tell me what ya think. and if you have any ideas that i might be able to add to it. i will give ya credit in the end. thanks again

[That_Guy]

This goes in the games section

[Shindo]

well it's okay to  begin with, im jus gonna suggest a few things.
Rather than having him retrieve the berries safely and return them to his grandfather, i think it would be better to insert some twists there. like instead of coming back too late, maybe he never comes back to begin with. Maybe something stops him.
And rather than Revenge you may say because he failed to return, he starts to loathe himself, developing on the character's personality.

Just a few suggestions.

[hellhound1390]

Thats an awsome idea. thank you so much.. maybe like he could be kidnapped by the same dark scout that killed his grandpa...maybe.....i'll be sure to give you credit in my game if you ever want to send some ideas or even maps , you can e-mail them to me. ( like a mini team lol ) but yeah if you would like to help, that idea already changes the entire story for the better. thank you