Legend of Eruidith

[Jek]

Now, this game does not have a demo, and has just started.
In a kingdom ruled by a selfish king live two young boys, adulthood just praised. Two brothers, as troublesome as each other, took revenge amongst their father and king of Ademonda. At the midnight close and the gaurds aslept, they snuck throught the royal bedroom and had stole a holy sword. Their worship awoke as his holy sword gone, after battles most swiftly won. Furious, the king wove down stairs quikly, not avoiding his obsticles. A torch, flickering with light, fell. As the castle lit quikly, few escaped. the young mage had cursed the family of ademonda with flaming power. The family awoke, alive in the flame, as they had been cursed as a demon. The king had Ran away from fate, carrying his anger amidst, killing as he pleases.

Characters

Theodore Ademonda
age: 37
occuption: king
Story: had fought in battles, but became selfish over his power

Alexander Ademonda
Age: 15
occupation: knight
story: he is a famous swordsman in his family, but does not use his talent wisely

William Ademonda
Age: 16
occupation: mage
story: he does not do well with his magic, but his planning is awesome

Reanne Ghale
Age:16
occupation:villager
Story: most of the men in the town love her.

Features

here are some features im gonna add into the game
-switch characters
-sneak past gaurds
-mini games

No screenshots or demo

if you have ideas for my game, post here, or just comment

[Jek]

Anyone like it?
i edited this storyline abillion times.

[SilverBlade]

It looks ok, but I just don't hope it won't be another 'Big Mighty Sword' cliché.
I would like to see some screenshots though, I'm actually a bit curious.

[Jek]

O.k., screenshots are coming(i had to redo it again).

[Jek]

Another screenshot(still editing this map).

[Daetyrnis]

First, I read through your story but the poor grammar made it illegible.  I think I got the gist, but you should seriously work on your literary skills.

Second, Alexander is only 15.  How exactly has he become profficient enough with swordplay to actually become famous within 15 years?  No, scratch that, nobody starts fighting straight out of the womb.  Even given that he becomes a Squire at... lets say 9, he's only used a sword for around 7 years.

Young ages for main characters are overused and illogical.  I advise you to rethink your character designs.

[Krynth]

It's true you know...its so much better seeing the character develope over time with a skill than being a master at the first trade picked...

[Jek]

well, i am trying to rewrite, but i used the story in microsoft word, it worked fine!

[aboutasoandthis]

I think I got most of it. It's still confusing.

It says that there was a selfish king, but that he was a war hero (fought many battles). Even if he is selfish, this would still make him a popular guy.

It says his own princes killed him. This makes no sense. I mean my own dad can be a screw up, but I'd never try to kill him...

Also, the older brother is a mage instead of a swordsman when he is the rightful heir to the throne. I guess it could happen.

I guess there could be a holy sword. I just don't like the idea of it in a castle instead of a cathedral or something.

At least you had the father bear a child at age 21. That's still a little too young. If he's a war hero, he should be at least five years older.

Then the castle accidentally caught on fire, but nobody died. They all turned into evil demons. I emphisize the word accidental. Why would an accidental fire turn people evil?

Then it says the king ran away and went on a psychopathic rampage. He probably has no food, and if he's not a popular king like you say then the common folk might attack him, you know?

I'm not saying it's bad. It has a lot of potential. I can already see a setup for a nice villain. You may or may not see it yet. I'd make the main characters older and fix up some stuff to make it make sense.