Sapphire Dreams

[jynce]

This is a game based on ancient china with mystical creatures and some fiction themes unlike LOR with realistic fiction

Your a Fighter named Hard Taolang you fight to defend your school from a rival school named Falling Tiger,however the master at thier school is corrupted.He only wishes to kill your master and force your fellow students into slavery so that he can become wealthy,but as that is happening you also must figure out why the dead are suddenly becoming unrested. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN SAVE YOUR SCHOOL.




Name:Hard Taolang
Weapon:Fists
Special Attack:Buddha Flame
Biography:Taolang is a Smiling Mountain student know for his
strength and prowless in battle.Smiling Mountain's most gifted student,and Orphan.He is the only one who can defeat the students from the rival school falling tiger and thier power hungry master.

[drenrin2120]

It was cool until I got the part about the planet's life energy and being the one who can save the planet. First off, the planet is huge, if I'm the only one that can save it, you'll need a damn good reason why. Secondly, the planet's life energy? Kinda cheesy and seems random. I'd say stay away from saving the planet and make the game more about saving his family and school or something.

[jynce]

I edited the story a little bit tell me if it sounds better.

[Meiscool-2]

Jesus Christ dude, you posted another game already?

[jynce]

lol yeah

[ZeroKirbyX]

Originally posted by jynce
I edited the story a little bit tell me if it sounds better.

Know what, it was crap to begin with. I HIGHLY suggest you edit it back to said crap.

[jynce]

alright there i did it i edited to what drenin told me i should keep in.

[drenrin2120]

Okay, so it sounds like you've got something to work with. Here's a tip, it's been my experience and opinion that when working with small stories that aren't as epic as saving the world or universe that character development is twice as important. That's what will make your story interesting. So, don't forget about character development and building the story around your characters.

Hope that helps, don't ask why I'm being so nice, Christmas spirit, maybe? I dunno.

[jynce]

okay i thing i may have the jist of what your saying that i should work on devolping the story around my character instead of having a large plot like saving the world and have like some small sub-quests i guess.
I Got something on my game like fable, by the way you treat others in the game it gives you a Evil or Good Points but i do not know the X and Y coordinates to get the picture in the bottom left corner of the map.

[ImmortalDreamer]

This really isn't a big deal but I hate the title screen.

[jynce]

w000t, finnally after all these days i got it to work =D my abs finnally works and i'm so happy and i finally got my Good, Evil system working.

[Krynth]

Does your good and evil system play a bigger part in your game than Fable? It did somewhat I guess in Fable but your alignment didnt alter your choices any...so were able to follow the same path no matter what...

[jynce]

i am trying to find a way to incorparate the good and evil system to choices but i am having a a hard coming up with something i'm guessing it would have to do with how people see you as a indiviual in the game and the reactions to your alignment so i'll have to thing about that later on and i also have good news the title screen has been revamped due to me thinking it look like shiet so here it is.

[jynce]

New Screens

[drenrin2120]

The title's not bad, but the sprites don't match.