Story Contest: The Bridge Builders

[Grandy]

Dibs on #1 I don't even know if it's taken, but I write real slowy.


 EDIT:

 It is written in the ancient Tome of Faith that once, before the first man was born, a bridge was built to conect the World of Gods and the World of Here. However, Lazgrael, the God of Solitude, didn't want to be bothered by those pesky little creatures. He then layed a curse in the bridge and those who built it: They would never finish constructing, but, at night, all of what was constructed would burn down.
 Years passed by, and the workers, already hopeless, constructed again and again, and all to the next day find it burned.
 The families of the workers died, or ran away fearing that the curse of Lazgrael would fall on them, the area eventually became deserted, the houses were consumed by the plants, and eventually a forest was born, but not even birds would dare to fly there, nor bugs would crawl under the leaves.
 The only things that's still there are the workers, or that what remains of them, hopeless, ageless people, forever forgotten by those around them.
 Few adventurers went there, and those who did, either didn't saw the workers, or where completell horrorized, enought to never go back to that cursed land again.
 The forest was eventually erased from all maps in the world, and no one knows where it is. Unless, of course, for those who lose themselves and find it.
 The workers, indiferent to time or what happens around them, can only keep working.

 *re-reads*

 ...
 ...
 Okay, some parts didn't make sense, but hell, I had to make it bridge-ish, didn't I?

[coasterkrazy]

#4.

Before I start, just letting you know that Sara and Sam are the two people closest to the river in the screenshot (they're facing each other).

“Crossing”

   Sara stared into the river. The thick raindrops pierced the thin surface of the water. Its rapids were somehow alluring to her, but she could not quite put her finger on it. It was as though the majesty of its water held her mind in captivity. Her meditation was interrupted when Sam approached her.

   “It’s getting late,” he said. “We need to hurry up if we want to finish this bridge by tomorrow. So many possibilities lie across that river.”

   “I don’t know,” Sara replied. “Something just doesn’t seem right here. I mean, every time we start to make some progress, the water somehow sweeps away the planks. It’s almost like the river has a mind of its own.”

   “I’m so sick of hearing this from you,” Sam snapped. “Why did you even bother coming if you don’t care acquiring the treasures on the other side? That’s what we’re here for. Why else would anyone want to trek further into this sickening forest?”

   Sara had no answer to this question, and at that, Sam walked away.

   “I… I just wanted to come see the river again,” Sara said to herself.

   She never had many opportunities to come this far into the forest, so she took every chance she could get to see the river. It seemed to be crying to her, as though it needed help and she was the only one who could listen. Sara found it odd that no one had ever crossed the river before. The legend about it is that it sweeps away everyone who tries to pass, washing away their greed in its torrent. Those people and their vanity would then fall down the waterfall toward their watery graves.

   Sara could never understand why this tale didn’t frighten Sam away from trying to cross the river. “It’s just a stupid story made to keep me away from whatever’s on the other side,” he would say. Sara never did tell Sam how she felt. She knew he would just laugh at her and think her ideas were pathetic. She had given up on attempting to convince Sam that it was too dangerous a while back.

   Sam and Sara had been good friends since their childhood days. Lately, however, Sam seemed to be acting strange. He had not seemed to care about much anymore. Sara felt that the only thing he cared about anymore was being someone special. He could never just live simply as he used to; he always had to show off.
After several more failed attempts at laying down the first few planks for the bridge, Sam decided to call it a night.

       “Alright, everyone,” Sam called to the crew. “It will probably be easier to do this tomorrow morning, in the daylight, when it has stopped raining.”

   The four workers put down their tools and boards and set up camp.

   That night, after everyone else was asleep, Sara swore she could here a preternatural voice outside. It sounded distressed, and she could almost make out her name in the echoes of its moans. She didn’t dare tell anyone about this, for some had already thought she was insane, and she did not want any more painful accusations just because of her feelings.

   The next morning, the workmen had once again started to build the bridge. As they were working, Sam noticed something.

   “Wait,” he said. “It seems every time we get around this far, the river sweeps away the boards. Instead of continuing, let’s stop now. I’m going to jump over the rest of the gap.”

   Everyone gasped. It was not an easy jump, but it seemed possible.

   “Sam!” she exclaimed. “You’ll never make it! Please don’t do it!”

        But Sam didn’t even hear her words. He stepped back to get the best running start he could, ran to the end of the planks and jumped. At that moment, time seemed frozen as he was suspended in the air between the bridge and the other side. He had made a good jump. It looked like he was going to make it, but he was pulled down, as though it was the will of the river not to let him cross. Some supernatural gravity that the river seemed to create dragged him down into the water. At that moment, Sam’s mind changed. He had remembered his forgotten values, and was purified by the raging water.

        “Sara… I’m sorry,” he said as he was washed away. “Forgive me…”

        Sara could not bear the pain this brought her, and impulsively jumped after him. But the river protected her. It carried her across on an ethereal wind. After she was on the other side, she stared back at the workmen, tears in her eyes. They stared at her incredulously, and slowly backed away, with words unable to describe how they felt. They fled out of a mix of fear and shock.

It was only then that Sara fully understood. This was more than a river; it was a spiritual gateway. It had carried a pure maiden over its treachery and had purified the impure through death. They had both crossed over their individual bridges, but only through tragedy could this happen. Sara turned and walked deeper into the forest, never to be heard from again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hm... turned out a bit more predictable than I had hoped, and I kind of feel like I explained too much instead of leaving more open for interpretation (which is the purpose of symbols really), but I guess I'm happy with it.

[Moosetroop11]

#2

"GWAA HAA HAA!"
The pompus man strode up to the two individuals leaning on the rail. They had been gazing out onto the destruction that littered that summer morning- the flood had taken everything. Homes, grain, even lives. It had been a bad one.
Now the peaceful atmousphere generated by the gentle ripples of the water were disturbed only by the construction master's over the top performance.
"Resting on the job? HA HAA, we'll have none of that. You'll learn to love your work, boy. And Jass, you should know better! Setting a poor example for the lad!"
"I'm sorry sir" stammered Jass, brushing her pretty red hair out of her eyes and spinning to face her employer. "We haven't recieved enough wood from the project yet. Work has rather ground to a halt."

The Pompous man's name was Eric; a balding, rotund man who had been put in charge of this part of the project. The job was simple- in gelder city, areas that flooded stayed flooded for months. The ground was too near sea level, a fault of the short sighted architects and founders. Now, every couple of years, a big flood would leave the tops of homes stranded by water, and makeshift bridges were built to allow residents to move to and fro. He cuffed the young woman playfully around the head.
"Come on. There must be some wood somewhere."

Further on, still by the waterside, a game was being played. Children would line up and jump into the floodwater, each leap a more impressive display of twists, whoops and somersaults. But now the game had changed. A child had found an orb that sparkled beautifully in the sun, doubtless a posession of one that had been taken by the flood. Now the children threw it to and fro, and harmlessly fought over it, a series of splashes and arm tugs. One would eventually go running to their ever-enduring parents, crying with some half truth story and a bleeding nose perhaps, but for now they were happy.

And the sounds and smells of that part of the city were quite different from the tranquility the workers were experiencing!  Stalls were set up, taking advantage of the sunken resturaunts and lost supplies, offering lunch to the townfolk. The air buzzed with the feeling of temporary change, like a holiday to the seaside. Even those not affected ventured out of their homes to mingle with the victims, hearing stories and sympathising. There was little crying to be found, such was the routine nature of the flooding. Music floated across the crystal clear water, minstrels finding a little more change for their efforts than they might have on other days.

A small rowing boat travelled past at a leasurely pace, the man inside smiling at the shards of conversation he picked up, and the miniature stories he had become privy to. The city was so alive today, he thought. So much more so thanks to the death of a few flood victims.

[Meiscool-2]

Alright, so it looks like screenshot 1 and 4 have been used twice, and screenshot 2 has been used once. That leaves two openings for screenshot 3 and one left for screenshot 2.

[Glitch]

Screenshot 3



A young man and a young woman stand near a downed bridge. The woman lets out a sigh.

"So they finally decided to fix the old downed bridge huh?"

The young man turns to look at her and says, "Yeah, they are... does it still bother you when you think about it?" he then put his free hand in his pockets and looks at the bridge once more.

"It did for a while, I mean, losing both my parents on the same day like that... I didn't think I'd ever get over it." She said, her face taking on a sorrowful look as she recalled the painful events of the year before. "There were times... times when I... came to this bridge and al-almost..." She stopped suddenly, tears coming to her eyes.

"It's alright." The young man consoled her as he turned to her, dropping the planks of wood in his hand, and held her in his arms. "It's over now, and I doubt your parents would want you always moping about it."

She stepped back out of his grip and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You're right." She said, giving him a semi-convincing smile. She stepped a little closer to the edge, admiring how fast the workers were completing this bridge. "You better get back to work." She said.

The young man nodded while picking up the planks of wood he had dropped, his back to the woman. He stood up and turned around to say goodbye to her. Without realizing it though, when turning around he had accidently hit her in the back with the wood, causing her to lose balance.

"Emily!" He screamed as he rushed forward to stop her from falling. His hands reached out to grab thin air as she fell away from his grasp. The workers nearby had looked up when they heard him yell, just in time to see her falling, and his hand reaching out.

They stared on in horror, not knowing what exactly had happened. It took no more than a few moments for the shock to wear off, and whispers began to be heard. It did not take long for the rumors to spread through the entire village...  

[Ben]

Im giving this a slight nudge in the hopes of getting more submissons.

Anyone?Anymore entries?

[Glitch]

Come on peoples, post some stories


(maybe if it's on the main page people will see it or somethin and post stuff)

[Ben]

Thats What I thought too. I guess thats a kick....but its for the better good.

[Meiscool-2]

I guess 5 stories and MrMister's little thingie will have to do.

I'm closing this tomorrow. If anyone plans on making an entry do it now or tell me when you'll be able to and I'll hold the contest open untill then.

Also, a note; NO story editing after the contest is closed. Judges and myself will check the post edited date to make sure that you don't edit them. We do this so that all judges are reading the same story, and none of you change the story after hearing one judge's responce. If any one of us find a post edit date that is greater than the closing post's date, you will be disqualified from the contest. We don't suspect that any of you would do this, but this is a safty measure.

[Ben]

Well, If theres anything I should know about scoring, let me know...

Ive pretty much got my sum-it-up written.

Whenever this closes Ill judge away

[Rowan]

Originally posted by gemini
Well, If theres anything I should know about scoring, let me know...

Ive pretty much got my sum-it-up written.

Whenever this closes Ill judge away

Same Im ready when yall are.

[A Forgotten Legend]

I guess I'll do #2...

The Flooded City
      The sun shone brightly on my face.  I was finally going home.  As I walk through the gates of the city I notice a bridge had been built in the middle of my city.
    "Excuse me, miss?"  A red headed girl turned around.
    "Yes?"  She asked.
    "Why is there a bridge in the middle of town?"
    "You haven't seen it?" She asked me in a amazed voice.
    "Seen what?"  As I ask this she pulls me towards the bridge.
    "This."
    I am staring at the glistening waters hiding the rest of the city.  I run over to the bridge.  Asking everyone on it how this happened.  No one would tell me.  It was as if everyone was hiding something.  It was as if this happened because of thier doing.  I ran back to the red-haired girl.
    "When was this bridge built?  When was the town flooded with water? Why..."  She cuts me off.
    "Do you want to know why?  Because of you.  That is why no one wants to tell you.  Because you left, our town was sent underwater.  Because of you that bridge was built.  Because of you..."  This time I cut her off.
    "What do you mean?"
    "You made this happen, because as you left last year, you decided to goof-off in front of the king's soilders.  The soilders went back to the king who ordered this.  We built that bridge six months ago because when the soilders came back they just didn't do that," she points to the sea covering the town," they told us that you had betrayed the king. by saying something you shouldn't have, by "making fun" of the king.  We built that bridge so when you came back, we had something that we could walk on to throw you off into that new sea we are to call home!"
    Two soilders grab me from behind.  I am dragged over to the bridge, struggling, crying, and screaming "Why is this happening to me!".  
    As I plunge into the warm water, I sink down until the people above cannot see me anymore.  I am becoming colder as I sink farther down.  I hit the bottom, my eyes close, I begin to cry again, and in a matter of secinds I fall into an eternal slumber.  Goodbye my city.

     There!  That was a harder one to come up with something about a bridge for.  I like my story.  Do you?

[Meiscool-2]

Alright. Krynth PM'd me saying he wants to enter one, and that he plans on using screenshot number 2. Even though screenshot #2 has already been used twice, I'll let him use it seeing as the only other screen that hasn't been used twice is #3.

Once he posts, or if one day has passed sence this post, you may begin your reviews. Please review them by giving them points based on the system below. A max of ten points can be made.

4 max points for how well the story matches the screenshot
2 max points for content (as in, how good the story is, its moral if its got one, ect. ALSO, rate word usage, vocabulary, and grammar in here.)
2 max points for interest factor of the story (if it bored you or if it kept you wanting more)
1 point for length. (If it's a short story, like only a paragraph, it doesn't get this point)

People who used screenshots 2 and 4 get an extra bonus point, because there is no actual bridge in them. People who chose to use screenshots 1 and 3 can get a max of 3 points in the content, portion, instead of the normal 2. This adds up to a total of ten possible points, as said above.

Now, I realize this means that several stories could have a score of a perfect ten. So judges, if more than one story comes up with a score of ten, please note your personal favorite of the stories and your second favorite. This will help me decide the winner should a tie arise.

EDIT: Also, when posting your scores of the stories, please give a little C&C. Everyone loves C&C:p

[Krynth]

Sorry I probably miscounted that and its a day late but here is what I got... (Thanks Forgotten Legend your story helped me come up with reason behind my story)

Before the Flood-

(I've jumped at certain times of the day and changed characters...so I've told you the time of the day and who the characters are in that scene to help explain whats going on and tie it all together in the last scene...)

Early Morning Scene 1- (A male commoner and female royalty)

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" He stood there looking out the window for just a brief moment before turning to look into her fearful eyes... "I told you the only way the two of us will ever be together is if I do this..." Still she stood there with doubt but longing to bring an end to it all nodded... "It's just...well what if this is the last time I see you?" The man sighs and then goes to her and holds her tightly looking into her eyes... "Look everthing is going to be alright I promise and the next day both the lower corridors and upper corridors will be one!" Still with fear of never seeing him again she gives... Gently she places a hand against his cheek and stroke the scar on his face before kissing him for the last time and says her good-bye. He then turns and leaves out the window...
 

Night Scene 2- (Man returning home after several years of adventuring)

The coming night when all were asleep a shadow had lurked with in the lower corridors of town. A resident he once was but now a stranger to the town he once grew up in and had left. The heavens were blackened and lightning seemed to strike every other second but it had not yet started to rain. Though unable to see clearly he walked without torch-light noticing the many changes that had become since he had left...

A gushed of cold wind bit at the man causing him to pull his cape closer to keep warm. The tavern was not too far from what he remembered and soon he'll be drinking ale next to the fireplace...

Night still Scene 3- (Male Commoner from scene 1 and Man from previous scene Tavern)

"Tonight is the night!" A man with a scar across his face said more to himself than to anyone in particular. He raises his glass and guzzels his drink before slamming it down on the bar...
"Hey watch it there! Thats gonna be costing ye some copper if I find it broken..."

"Ah dont ye be whining...soon what is two will be one!" The barkeeper just stares at the man and watches as he leaves for the front door. (Outside) The cloaked man pulls back his hood and looks up when he hears the sounds of laughter and music. The tavern was not far from sight. He begins to open the front door just as a man walks out runnng into him. "Hey! Watch it now..." said the cloaked man.  He notices for a brief second the man had a scar on his right cheek before he passes on by without a word in a hurry drunk.

    Going to the bar the cloaked man sits and orders a drink before turning around to gaze at the singer on stage. "Did I hear what I think I just did?" whispered a blonde haired woman.  A party of two sat at a nearby table...  "Aye I believe ye did! I heard the same thing." whispered a red haired woman who sat across.  "So before
that poor sod finished off his ale had he mentioned something about joining what is two and make it one?" whispered the blond hair woman. "Aye he did!" whispered the red haired woman. "Is'nt he the same man who has been making fun of the the king?"  "That he is! None other than that there has been word out that he sent the king a letter about flooding the town!" *woman gasps*

    "Here you go sir..." The cloaked man turns around then thanks the bar keeper before going taking his drink to his room for the night...

[Ben]

Ummm. Here it is.




Coreystranick
The whole thing was pretty short. Granted, your submisson was first submitted, but I would have liked a bit more substance. Like...Verbal Bacon. Its tasted good...But there was only like, One strip of verbal bacon..So even though it tasted good, there just wasnt enough. I had to go to the pantry and find a dusty box of cereal to eat.
MATCHINGNESSITY                             3 /4
 CONTENT                                            1 /2
INTREST FACTOR                               1/2
SUBSTANCE                                    1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4          0 /1

TOTAL 6/10



 

MrMister

I Liked the part where you Said ' nice' and gave us a smiley show
MATCHINGNESSITY                             1 /4
.CONTENT                                            0 /2
INTREST FACTOR                              0 /2
SUBSTANCE                                    0 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4          1 /1
TOTAL   2





Grandy

This Had its cool elemtentsl. I like the whole Cursed Workers thing. For some reason it made me think of 'hotel california'. And then I thought that it would make a neat sub plot of a scene in like, a Tactical Battle Game,but I couldnt help but wonder why the workers kept trying to build it if it burned down every night.
Youd think one of them would get some water on that thing as it was started....
But Ive been told I overthink things.
MATCHINGNESSITY                             4 /4
CONTENT                                            2 /2
INTREST FACTOR                              1 /2
SUBSTANCE                                    0 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4          0 /1
TOTAL             7/10


.

Coastercrazy

This was pretty neat. And I agree with you that you may have overexplained. Had the last paragraph not even existed it would have left way more to the imagination.But it was awesomesauce anyhow. I liked that you tried to convey a bit more character detail.
MATCHINGNESSITY                            3 /4
CONTENT                                            2 /2
INTREST FACTOR                               2/2
SUBSTANCE                                    1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4           1/1

TOTAL  9/10






Moosetroop

Dude....this was mondo awesome.
I was diggin' your Diction there. Word choice=Gnarly. You really captured the mood of your screenshot there...And the story left me wanting to "keep playing this game"
I am Happy for your good effort. Full honor. Good Fun.
MATCHINGNESSITY                             3 /4
CONTENT                                            2 /2
INTREST FACTOR                              2 /2
SUBSTANCE                                   1  /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4         1  /1
TOTAL    9/10






GLitch

I hope this was intended as a comedy. I Thought it was Funny.  "It's over now, and I doubt your parents would want you always moping about it."  And then he accidentally knocked her to her death. I L'ed right out loud.

MATCHINGNESSITY                             3 /4
CONTENT                                             1/2
INTREST FACTOR                             1  /2
SUBSTANCE                                    1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4           0/1

TOTAL 6/10



.

A Forgotten Legend

Where to start... So...You switched between Past tense narrative, And present tense like it was going out of style.
It didnt really make any sense at all...the flooding and goofing off. The plot was rather inane.
I was hoping that after the first initial foibles, youd at least impress with something thought out (You reposted a completly different story than origonally...Youd think the story would have gotten better...)
MATCHINGNESSITY                              2/4
CONTENT                                            .5 /2
INTREST FACTOR                              .5 /2
SUBSTANCE                                    1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4        1   /1
TOTAL                                                5/10


KRYNTH

I like What youve done, with jumping times here...
I would have liked more. But I think thats what was neat about it....It left me wanting more.
I would keep playing this game.
I really like the character development/detail. However, I didnt get much to tie it to the screenshot other than the initial 'flood' reference




MATCHINGNESSITY                              2/4
CONTENT                                            2 /2
INTREST FACTOR                              2 /2
SUBSTANCE                                     1/1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4         1 /1
TOTAL                                          8  /10







EDIT:      MATCHINGNESSITY ......I know its not a word. Dont be the                         dude who points out the obvious