Story for my game. Feedback needed.

[Shamefeeder]

okay, I'll go ahead with the story after clearing all the Q's up. Okay:

I completely overlooked the 'mother' thing. I guess I should have thought about that... Hmm... Yes... Well... *ahem*

     what about this: his mother was gone one day without a trace. Maybe she left on her own accord because of similar reasons?

     Okay, also, the only game console I own is a PSP. And don't get me wrong, I have played Fable a few times, but I never really knew the story. Just letting you know I didn't purposely steal the story! Also I intended the town to be a SMALL, DESOLATE town. So maybe the main character is just outside to run around and play, he's not going to get lost in a SMALL, DESOLATE town.
     On with the story. The next bit takes place in present game time, after the flashback.

     _______ comes back into focus from his daydream, he's sitting on his bed with the book his father gave him 10 years ago before he died on his lap. It's open to a page with a picture of a thriving town, no one has the slightest hint of sorrow on their face. Everyone is either content, or not on the picture. There is a gigantic, sparkling water fountain in the middle of the town, with a few people around it, drawing water. The picture was in very bad quality. It was a tone of sepia, had a few stains on it, and it was fading. The only reason _______ bothered looking at this particular page of the book was because it was marked by his father. It was doggy-eared, and it had portions of maps pinned on it. It had notes, coordinates, and even small doodles scribbled all over it. Finally, the top of the page bared the print: "Azurath Wetlands." Whatever this place was, father was trying to find it.


     There is no game play to this part. I intend for the flashback to transition to maybe an animation of the book opening to the page and then some dialogue.

Comments? Feedback?

[Finality]

As this is not neccessarily a story part but more so an introduction I can't really complain about much. I wanna complain about the overused 'awake from a daydream' but quite frankly I can't think of a better alternative...

[Omega Weapon]

Sounds good, but it isn't much of a story in itself. But a good idea for a scene nonetheless.

"Azurath Wetlands." - There needs to be some prominent necessity which catalyzes the trip. For all we and the boy know, his father was looking to complete his stamp collection and a collector living in the wetlands has some rare items.

Some examples which the story needn't conform to but would bring about said necessity and urgency, if needed:

The town gets bought out by a wealthy merchant/noble. The boy is motivated by a desire to preserve his childhood home.

or

Having no reason to stay, the boy rolls the dice and tries his luck by taking a little journey.

Things like that.

Simply dropping clues isn't enough. Adding something that runs parallel to the main story in focus is needed. I've probably missed something that's already been covered but that's how I see it so far.