Click here to join us on IRC (#charas on irc.freenode.net)!
Ellie: I had a slice of ham in my hand. I was going to drop it, so I slapped it hard. It attached itself to the wall
John is really a ghost this entire time and the plot is just Rose reminiscing about a lost friend in some bizarre fanfiction about the Sburb beta.
I general I'd say I agree 98% with Grandy's post above.
John is also from the future and is really Jade's pen-pal.