The Big Emerald 3

[Red XIII]

Red: Stop there, Kin!
Kinslayer: What do you want?

Red: ULTIMA!!!!!!

*Kinslayer is badly wounded. Red takes the emerald from his destroyed body and leaves*

[Archem]

Archem: Leaves? But my tree is bald now! How can there be leaves?
Red: What leaves?
Archem: You just "leaves"'d.
Then Red notices that he's standing on a pile of leaves. Then, all too late, he realizes what is going on.
Archem: What is gong on?
Red: It's a trap hooooooo.....
Then Archem grabs the emerald (which Red just so happened to drop on the ground as he fell) and asks himself: What? a hooooo? That's kinda dumb.
Then Archem skips off in a merry fashion. Like a little girl, some would say.

[Red XIII]

Red comes out of the hole and chases Archem...

Red: There you are!!! PAIN!!!!!!

Archem(Talking with signs because he´s Silenced): You can´t do that!!! That Magic is from FF8!!!!)

Red: You´re right..... How did I?....

*Red is distracted.... Archem takes his chance and escapes....*

[Archem]

Archem eats some Echo Grass.
Archem: Ha! The joke's on him! I never even got to disk 3! Shows how fun I thought that game was! Now we go find that thingy I had. A moogle! Moggy-mog!
Moogle: Kupopo!
Red slithers back up (he's a snake now... somehow...).
Red: Ooh... I want one.
Archy: No. He's mine. The one-and-only!
Red: Aww... Can I buy him?
Archem: I dunno... How much you got?
Red: Uh... All I have is this shiny green emerald...
Archem: That's a done deal!
And so, Archem trades his beloved moogle for a common shiny-green emerald. Who's the real winner here?
Red: Hey... wait a minute...
Archem: I want my mog back! Oh well! Off I goooooooo!
Archem flies off. In his flying car. That he still has. And you all forgotted about. Phfischaw.

[Red XIII]

Archem: Her i am, flying in my...

*Car breaks down...*

Archem: WTF?
*Gremlins come out of the car, and attacks Archem, who drops the Emerald*

Red (Still in snake form): Now´s my chance
*swallows the emerald and hides under a rock*

[Archem]

Archem comes crashing down on the rock. His car, however, stays afloat. Somehow. Archem's weight combined with the weight of the rock and the density of the soil cruch the Red snake. Who droops the emerald-o. Extra o's!!!
Red: OhnoI'mdying!!!dead.
Archem: Yays! I shall go and get me that there shiny greenstone.
Archem takes the emerald and... does... something... somewhere else...?

[Red XIII]

Archem is walking when Red Attacks from the back...

Archem: WTF???!! I thought i killed you!!!

Red: I´M A RED DOG/LION THINGY!!! NOT A SNAKE!!!

Archem: ....... You´re right.......

Red: Besides, that snake was my pet. I´ll take you to Court for killing it!!!!

*They go then into a 500-year trial. Archem was about to win it, but died from old age. Then, Good ol´Red Took the emerald.*

Old Red: Yay!!! That´s what comes from being from a longevic race!!! (Cough...)

[Archem]

And so, Archem died. What a crappy ending to that story, eh?
Wolly: Ahem!
Oh, right. So then Archem's alternate ego, Pollywollyjangle Figgamuhjigg-
Wolly: But you can call me Wolly for short!
... Right... Anywho, Wolly popped up from Archem's grave.
Wolly: Darn tootin'!
Wolly goes up and bites the back of Red's skull open, thus making Red his zombie slave.
Wolly: Give me that there emerald!
Red: Yeeeesssss... massssterrrrr...
Red gives him the emerald.
Wolly: Ok! Um... You can go about your way now...
Red: Yeeeesssss... massssterrrrr...
Wolly runs off to do... stuff... Ever notice how many people do that?

[Kinslayer]

Kinslayer froze himself for 500 years so that he would get the emerald. He trapped Wolly, took the emerald and went to play soccer at the World Cup.

[Meiscool-2]

Kinslayer see's Meiscool, imediatly shits himself, runs up to him, hands him the emerald, and runs away in the same fashion that Archem2 did his girly dance, with Meiscool holding the emerald.

[Archem]

Meiscool: Wow. This rock smells... odd... And it's the WORST rock candy I've ever had! You can have it, you retarded monkey-humper!
Meiscool gives Wolly the emerald.
Wolly: Uh... Thanks? I think? And when did I get here? The last thing I remember is falling down a pit... Wait... NOOOOOOOOO! I've lost a life! And I forgot to save!!!

[Red XIII]

Red is still a zombie, but he´s not under mind copntrol anymore.

Wolly: Red, my slave, now go and...

Zombie Red: GIEVE....ME...THE EMERALD...

Wolly: But..... stop!!!

*Red Turns Wolly into a zombie and takes the emerald*

Zombie Wolly: What.. Now.......

Zombie Red: BRAINS!!!!!... We need brains!!!!!!!

[Archem]

Wolly: Why?
Red: Because me hungree!
Wolly: There's a Burger Lad right over there!
Nice, avoiding a trademark.
Red: Ooh! I think I go eat there! They have milkyshakes and King Kong Whoppers!
Red goes there and orders some food. From a guy that looks suspiciously similar to Wolly... Hmm...
?Wolly?: Would you like an apple pie with that?
Red: Nah.
?Wolly?: Aww... Nobody wants these things... Anywho, your total is $12.36.
Red checks his person and realizes a startling truth- He didn't bring any money!
Red: Uh, me broke right now...
?Wolly?: So is your english, dude. Wait a minute... How about you pay me in shiny, green stones?
Red: Me think that be good reasoning. Here go!
Red gives the Wolly-esque guy the emerald. Hey, he's a zombie! He doesn't know he's stupid now!
?Wolly?: Yeah. This'll cover it.
A ding radiates from the back room.
?Wolly?: Oh! That's the end of my shift. Off I go!
He runs off. Naked. Gasp! Red picks up the name tag that was attached to the Wolly-like guy's shirt and reads it.
Red: Hehe... It say "Wolly"... That not right! They should fix that.

Yeah. Still a brain-dead zombie. And at the rate of decomposition his brain is rotting at, he isn't getting any smarter. Ever. What a shame. And yet, Wolly seems to be getting along just fine. Hmm...