Make a wish and have it horribly corrupted!

[Kessembi]

Granted, but it's acutally a colostomy bag and the cheetos are stale and slightly digested already. (u_u)Aw.

I wish I lived next door to a pro chef.

[Cerebus]

Granted. A pro chef just moved in the house next to yours. His speciality? New Neighbours Kebab.

I wish I had four arms, with the additional two hide-able.

[valdred]

Granted, you are considered a freak and noone likes you.

I wish I could grasp the true form of charas,

[MissingName]

...but it grasps you back and tears you to tiny bits.

I wish my gorram school year would just FUСKING END ALREADY.

[Darrellito]

Granted. But so does your life after a nasty accident with a cheese grater.

I wish I had one million non-consecutive untraceable dollar bills. Specifically, all one dollar bills. Cause I love me a single mom.

[Musha]

Granted, but they're all Monopoly money.

I wish I was a Time Lord.

[MissingName]

Granted, you come across so many bizarre things you go insane and die of critical existence errors.

I wish for sunshine.

Granted. But so does your life after a nasty accident with a cheese grater.

Whaddaya know, I had an accident involving a cheese grater a couple days ago.  Had to pick the skin out of the cheese.

[supasora]

Granted, you get an overweight dog named sunshine with a taste for whoppers that likes to crap on your furniture.

I wish for cornbread.

[zuhane]

I wish all steam games were 50p for the next hour.

[HobomasterXXX]

Granted, but valve decide to shaft european users just that little bit more, and make it so 1p=1 US dollar.

I wish for many quagsires

[MissingName]

I'm not even going to give you any quagsires.  Oh, damn, I just did.  They quagsirerape you to death.

I hope that this spot isn't cancerous.

[Musha]

Granted.  It's parasitic.

I wish for a silk tophat.

[zuhane]

You get one, but it has Adolf Hitler inside, and he makes your life miserable forever.

I wish that when a Scout used the FaN on TF2, clicking made them fire backwards into the
sky, die, reset all their high scores, get banned, then contract loads of trojans on their PC.

[fruckert]

Granted, but it backfires.
Also, you lose all of your achievements, and it takes away your games, leaving you to have to buy them again.

I wish I had a Twinkee.

[MissingName]

Granted.  You die of Twinkie chemical overdose.

I want the rain to stop.  AGAIN.