Make a wish and have it horribly corrupted!

[zuhane]

Granted. It stops forever. FOREVER.

I wish that I could do a Hadouken.

[Bluhman]

Granted; you start performing it, but you get interrupted by a Falcon Punch.

I wish Stencyl would come out already.

[Darrellito]

Granted. The day after, a nuclear holocaust. Many were lost.  Including you. But Stencyl lives on.

I wish every time I spoke, I breathed a small amount of fire. About 4 inches away from my face, just like a flamethrower.

[Musha]

Granted.  The flames burn your face off and you die a slow agonizing death.

I wish I had a sonic screwdriver.

[zuhane]

Granted. It's just a normal screwdriver with a picture of Sonic the Hedgehog on it.

I wish I had a steak sandwich!

[MissingName]

Granted... except it's never explicitly called beef.  It's just "meat steak."

I wish for SOMEONE TO SEED THIS GORRAM TORRENT.

[Darrellito]

Granted. It's planted and seeded in your skull.

I wish I could find a DS Emulator that didn't run super slow.

[fruckert]

Granted, but it's compatibility is limited to the Petz series.

I wish that I didn't suck at shading.

[Bluhman]

Granted; you're now a master at pillow shading everything.

I wish that we could actually finish making a game.

[X_marks_the_ed]

Granted; you're now a master at pillow shading everything.

I wish that we could actually finish making a game.

Granted. I direct you to the chain game.

I wish that television ads wouldn't cover half of the screen during a tv show.

[MissingName]

Granted.  They now take up the entire screen.

I wish my allergies would stop acting up.

[fruckert]

Granted, they stop, but they're now stuck.
Your nose is going to be stuffy for the rest of your life.

I wish that shading water wasn't such a weird task.

[Darrellito]

Granted. Now standing over water casting a shadow doesn't seem so weird.

I wish I was the man with the golden gun.

[Musha]

Granted.  Some womanizing brit in a tuxedo kills you with a PPK.

I wish I had a tuxedo.

[Roland_Deschain]

Granted, but it's the tuxedo from that Jackie Chan movie about a tuxedo, only rigged to explode if you say the word "the." Good luck.

I wish my work schedule would get cut a little bit. Please?