Charas Pub

[fruckert]

Fruckert walks in

Fruckert: "Erm...hi...I...erm...guess...erm..."

[HobomasterXXX]

*Meanwhile, outside the pub*
DWMM: This is dull. Let's go back inside.
*everyone goes back inside and sees frucktert*
Everyone: erm.....
*everyone leaves the pub again*

[Moosetroop11]

MT11: *Wakes up behind the bar* This happens way too often.
Drace: *Wakes up next to him* You know you love it baby.

[fruckert]

Fruckert: My heart...
*spontaneously explodes*

[Archem]

Five seconds before Fruckert's head a-splode*
MT11: Did you at least use protection?
Drace: What do you think?
MT11: I hope you did...
Drace: Me, too... I don't know where you've been whoring around, and I can't afford to have another STD.
*Fruckert's head a-splode*
Archem: *punchline*
MIC: *retort*
Grandy: *better punchline*
*laugh track*

[Grandy]

 Razor: That's it guys, the pub is too unnactive. I'm selling it for profit and to piss ya'll off.
 Grandy: You can't! I've been here since I'm old enough to drink!
 Razor: No you were not.
 Grandy: ...well, yeah, a little before that, perhaps.
 Razor: At any rate, I want to present you the future new pub owner, Mr. Shady Character.
 Shady: *comes in wearing a suit* I promisse you that I most likely won't burn this place down to get the insurance money just after I sign the contract.
 Razor: And that's good enough for me. Come, let's have a bussness dinner as we previously agreed off camera.
 Shady: As soon as I finish searching for good places to hide these matches and flammable oil.

 Grandy: We can't let Razor sell the pub!
 Lucas: Why not?
 Archem: Yeah, that Shady guy seems pretty trustyworthy with all those sideways glances and glaring at whoever touches his bag.
 Grandy: But- But the pub just wouldn't be the same! Archem, you haunt here, wouldn't you want to keep the old memories?
 Archem: Yeah... I- I remember when I died here... I should have seen that wall coming. *sniffles* Yeah, some good memories, and remember that time when Razor actually sold beer?
 Lucas: Good times, good times.
 Drace: I remember when Red and the others would come here. It's like I can see him right there. *points*
 Red: *is spinning in the table* Weeeeeeeeee
 Bluhman: I first killed a man right there in that table. I'll never forget the joy.
 Archem: Grandy is right, the Pub is too precious to go to the hands of a unknow lad. Even though he looks pretty honest and decent. *looks to Shady, who is putting a pile of wood in the middle of the room and soaking it with oil*
 Grandy: We must somehow sabotage this dinner so that Shady will never sign the contract!
 Bluhman: But... how will we do it?
 Archem: I might just have an idea...

 *later, Razor is dining with Shady and a group of lawyers in the Pub, the members are watching through a door ajar, all one on top of the other, like Louie, Howie and Dewey when they are spying something.*

 Shady: So, Mr. Razor, is there any valuables in this place that would give a small fortune to anyone who happens to insure it for it to burn shortly thereafter?
 Razor: Well, I think there might be a few things. *glances to a pile of highly valuable stuff tossed at one corner of the pub. Things from the previous Charas Pub stuff, like the Blue Key, a wooden idol from a desert island, a dragon bone, and stuff like that. And Red spinning in a table on top of it.*
 Shady: Capital! So, let's talk about the surroundings. I gather there isn't any Fire Brigade decently close by?
 Razor: Oh, no, of course not.
 Shady: And what about sprinklers?
 Razor: Too expensive.
 *one of the lawyers stands up*
 Lawyer: I hear this place is haunted. Could you tell us about this ghost?
 Razor: Archem? No. I'm sick and tired of this subject. I'd rather talk about... *stops*
 Shady: ...Mr. Razor?
 Razor: DAAAAAY-O, Day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
 *Razor starts dancing to Day-O*

 --Behind the door--

 Grandy: *looks up, Archem is standing on top of him in the human ladder peeping on the door* Your idea was to copy Beetlejuice?
 Archem: Well, excuse me, I do not hear any brilliant ideas coming from YOU.
 Drace: Enough! Razor stopped dancing.

 Razor: Terribly sorry, it seems Archem tried to posses me from behind that door. *points* In fact everyone of my non-paying customers seem to be behind there now.
 *door burst open, the pub members fall down*
 Razor: Dear members, did you really think I'd so foolishly stop my bussness with this fine gentleman because of one silly possession?
 Archem: You can't sell the pub!
 Razor: And why not? Does Mr. Shady seems suspicious to you?
 Grandy: Old school thief skils are go! *grabs Shady's bag*
 Shady: NO!
 Grandy: Let's see just what do you have in here! *opens bag*
 -CHAOS ENSUES-
 *A giantic Demon comes out of the bag*
 Demon: AFTER THREE HUNDRED YEARS, I AM FINALLY FREE! SHADY, YOU FOOLISH ANGEL, DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD FINISH ME OFF WITH THIS SILLY OLD "BUY A PUB IN THE NAME OF THE LORD" RITUAL?! NOW I'LL UNLEASH MY POWER UPON THE WORLD! *flies through the ceiling*
 ...
 ...
 ...
 ...
 Lucas: Nice going, Grandy!
 Bluhman: Yeah, real good one!
 Razor: Didn't you ever learn not to open a bag that might countain the source of All Which is Evil inside?!
 Shady: Enough! We must stop Jakshresanaumck to get to the Unholy Temple before midnight, or the world will be doomed forever!
 Grandy: Wait, but we can't finish a demon like that!
 Shady: *snaps fingers, the lawyers open each a suitcase* These are Holy Weapons forged in the purest lake in Heaven by the Lord himself.
 Shady: For Bluhman, the Gunslinger, I bestow Harshir, a handgun capable of piercing through anything supernatural.
 Shady: For Razor, the Powerful, I bestow Gallak, a mace who gives the owner the strenght of one thousand men.
 Shady: For Lucas, the Collector, I bestow Frishnazäk, throw this ball at any Demon and it will befall under your will.
 Shady: For Red, the Spinner, I bestow the powers of Rulzat, the winds generated by your spinning will cut through steel.
 Shady: For Drace, the Reborn, I bestow Röfl, this magic necklace will bring you back from the brink of death as many as ten times.
 Shady: For Archem, he who is Gone, I bestow Trazepher, this Holy Lance will never miss it's target.
 Shady: For Grandy, the Nimble, I bestow a kick in the fork. *kicks Grandy, who falls down in fetal position* SERIOUSLY, HOW THE **** DID YOU LET THAT DEMON ESCAPE?!
 Grandy: *soprano voice* You shouldn't let your Demon Bag lying around like that!

[Archem]

Archem: Hells yeah! I have a lance and ****! *pokes self in the eye* AUGH! Why did I do that?!
MIC: Because you're an idiot.
Archem: Oh yeah... Wait a second... You weren't here a second ago... And you were recently banned...
MIC: Fiction is too cool to follow the rules of logic. Why do you think nobody else has said anything about your eye or my current status?
Archem: I figured they were calling emergency personnel to patch my eye up, and to report you missing...

[fruckert]

Fruckert: I'm gonsto go joinz de demon nowz, byez
Demon: NO!
Fruckert: *Explodes again*

[Dragonium]

Dragonium in Suit and Bow-Tie: And now, a musical interlude. *Marching band comes on*

[Grandy]

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupie
I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!

(LA face with Oakland booty)
Baby got back!

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sisters, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna ******
Till the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna roll in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!

Baby got back!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sister, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!

(Little in the middle but she got much back)

[fruckert]

Fruckert: Awesome
*explodes again*

[X_marks_the_ed]

Ed: I just love musicals.
Lucas: Where'd you come from?
*Ed pauses.*

Ed: That shady guy gave me this bag, ain't it nifty-keen?
*gets sucked in.*
*Lucas opens the bag and releases another demon, who flies past him through the ceiling.*
*Lucas ignores the demon.*
Lucas: Ed, you in there?
*silence.*

*The room begins to shake, the lights dim down and Grandy is grabbed by leather straps that pull him to the floor.*
Voice from the bag: Greetings, Lucas. I want to play a game.
*Breathless by the Coors starts playing in the background.*
*The others are paying attention now.*
Voice from the bag: The song will loop continuously unless one of you can find the switch. You have sixty seconds.
Lucas: Wait, how cann it loop continuously if we only have sixty seconds?
Voice from the bag: ... Good point, then you have all of the time in the world.
Grandy: Wait, why do i have to be restrained like this?
Voice from the bag: I was getting to that. I know one of you will go mad at some point during the loop. He will be spared if he kills Grandy.
Grandy: This is because I freed the demon, isn't it?
Voice from the bag: No. I just don't like you.
Lucas: Hey, is Ed there with you?
Voice from the bag: Who's Ed?
Lucas: Just checking.

[Archem]

Archem: *stabbing Grandy in the eye with Trazepher, the Holy Lance* I can be spared now?
Voice: You've gone mad long ago. Why are you trying to save what is already lost?
Archem: Honestly? I just wanted to see someone else getting stabbed in the eye by this thing...
Grandy: Cut it out! That really hurts!
Razor: You really should stop it! One of us sane-folk might need him for later!

[Uberpwn_w00t]

Uberpwn: *walks up to pub*
*Fruckert's charred head rolls out and nudges Uberpwn's foot*
Fruckert's head: You don't want to go in there, seriously.
Uberpwn: o_o *runs away*

[fruckert]

Fruckert: Wait! Come back!
WEEE NEEEEEED YOOOOOU!